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 Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:05 pm
It was late. Uuni didn't know how late, only that it was dark.
She was shaking from head to toe and trying to keep her breathing from being too loud, but she wasn't going to lie and tell herself she wasn't panicking.
It wasn't out of kindness that she was trying not to wake the two other girls, but Uuni didn't think she could face Avery with a valid explanation, least of all Avery's roommate.
Daring it, and fearing the worst, Uuni glanced over at Avery. They weren't really that similar, Avery and Her. They shared skin tones, hair, but not quite facial structure. Their eyes, though, they were strikingly similar. Right now, with Avery sleeping, Uuni could almost pretend there was no resemblance. Almost.
Instead of feeling fear, she felt guilt. What would She think of her now, seeing her these last turns? And was that why she'd always kept coming back to Avery, just because they looked a little bit similar?
She needed to leave now and think without fear, and without lust clouding her mind. There it was again: guilt. A walk would be good. Hopefully the candidate master wouldn't catch her.
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:12 pm
There was something to be said for being a light sleeper. Avery had spent turns watching her own back, and well, she had woken up to the feeling of shuddering breaths, the sound of someone trying to calm themselves. Lying quietly, eyes closed, she took stock of her surroundings, realizing that the someone must be Uuni.
It wasn't until the older girl shifted that Avery reached over, hand sliding against Uuni's hip as she let her eyes fluttered open, they were gentle as they locked onto the paler girl, even fond, one might say. "Hey," a soft whisper, despite the fact that, once again, her roommate wasn't in. Hard to tell in the dark, but Avery knew the difference in the room.
"Are you alright, love?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:21 pm
Uuni had one foot on the ground and she'd assumed that she was going to escape before the touch stopped her.
She looked back, and didn't even have enough gumption to complain about the ordeal. All of her mental power was spent determining whether or not to lie, however. If she said yes, it was likely that Avery wouldn't believe her and follow her, if she said no, Uuni wasn't certain she wanted to know.
She settled for, "I really wish you wouldn't call me love." It was much too affectionate.
With a deep breath, she pulled herself together and got to a standing point. Her clothes were easy to find, and since Avery hadn't woken up before her, they weren't even folded.
"I'm just going to go for a walk." Debate the meaning of life, the usual, she added in her head. Hopefully that would chase Avery off, but Uuni doubted it was that easy.
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:26 pm
Avery's slight smile wasn't an especially happy one and she sat up, watching Uuni gather her clothes together. As the brunette began to dress, she casually leaned forward to press a cheek against Uuni's pale, still bare back. Lips brushed skin in a murmur before she shifted to reach for a pair of her own trousers.
"Sweet, I'll come with you." This wasn't the first nightmare [panic attack?] Uuni had suffered through since they'd begun sleeping together, however, it was the first the young woman had actually gotten up and out of bed for. "We can walk to the bowl."
It didn't take her long to dress, and she didn't appear to be giving Uuni an option. "What's on your mind?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:37 pm
Sweet wasn't any better, but Uuni said nothing about it.
She was much too busy taking a deep breath. Somewhere, the candles were burning down to hot wax, and Uuni had just finished pulling her shirt over her head and started to lace up the sides.
She said nothing to Avery even as she led the way out of the room and into the halls lit dimly with glowbaskets. In theory, she didn't even need them, but at least she wouldn't be tripping on them late in the night.
When the pale, bright, but never bright enough, light of the moon could be seen, she finally opened her mouth up again.
"Is it cheating?" She was confiding in Avery. She'd reached a new low. "Is that why I have the nightmares, because I'm cheating?"
Despite the randomness of the question, Uuni seemed absolutely sincere in asking it. She'd stopped walking, one hand gripped her opposite arm, and her eyes were locked on Avery as though she were a tunnelsnake.
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:45 pm
The curly-haired young woman was quiet for a long time, considering Uuni's words. The two didn't need to speak quickly, not for something like this. Instead, she returned Uuni's gaze, her own holding an entirely different emotion.
"No," she finally breathed, her fingers reaching out to touch the holder before they dropped without ever making contact, instead she looked to the sky. Another one of those strange, secret smiles. "No, it's not the cheating you're asking me about. You have the nightmares because you're cheating yourself of your past." A sigh, and she almost seemed reluctant to speak.
"... You dream because you lie." Uuni was always lying, and it made every one of their interactions have multiple meanings.
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:58 pm
That was absolutely preposterous. Uuni made a point of not lying.
Normally, she would have informed Avery of this fact, but instead she started walking again. Ista had finally cooled down, and the night was nice. One moon was in a waning state, and in a sevenday, it might have been no more than a sliver amidst thousands of the tiny dots that kept it company.
"Shardit, Avery!" Her voice sounded exasperated instead of angry. "If Kess died, would you want to remember?"
Avery was right, she was lying and she was doing it right now, too. It was the fact that she'd forgotten at all that was worse than remembering.
She hadn't just forgotten about one little bit. Hadn't just forged a different death, or that she'd never been there. Her mind had actually taken out all of it. All of it! What did that mean?
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 4:05 pm
"Yes." Avery's answer came without hesitation, resolute and her serious hazel eyes found Uuni once more, holding her in her sights. "I would never want to lose her from my thoughts. Yes, I would want to remember. Just like if you died."
Glancing down as she frowned slightly, Avery's fingers found her belt loops, idly toying. "You loved her very much." Quiet, ever so quiet, the bold young woman didn't seem so brave and brassy now, her words actions subdued.
"... I'm sorry."
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 4:29 pm
"This sounds like a crappy romance tale," Uuni interjected. "You know, the ones the bards sing. Where the guy loses the love of his life, blah, blah, and then finally finds some girl in the end. Probably a gold rider, and then they get to have a beautiful Weyr." She chuckled, although the actual humour in her expression was fleeting. "So, where's my Weyr and my hot gold rider?"
She didn't want to hear she'd loved her. She knew that was the case. It was like forgetting where you'd put your scribe pen and then all of a sudden having realization hit you. After the memory came back, you couldn't imagine a time where you didn't know.
"Sorry?" Uuni looked back over at Avery. "What for? At least I'm not lying to myself anymore." She forced a grin.
"You wonder if that's why I didn't Impress? Mental retention or something?" Regardless of whether she remembered or not, Uuni was avoiding discussing the actual event with Avery. It was not a topic she felt she wanted to bring up with anyone.
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 4:49 pm
"Uuni," Avery had let the brunette babble a bit, making her jokes and snarky comments as she stood in silence, simply watching. Fingertips shifted until they found the edge of the other girl's top, wanting to hold on to something, anything.
"If you can't talk to me... Talk to Kess." A pause and she looked away again, her furrowed brow a clear sign of mental debate. Opening her mouth, she started to speak, "I..." stopped, continued. "We have more than that." A wave of the hand. "More than that connection."
Avery didn't think it was just her curls and dark skin that drew them toward one another. Or, maybe she just hoped that wasn't it. If so, what was she in it for?
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 5:15 pm
Kess.
If she ever felt the need to talk, she could talk to Kess. Even Condoroth might be able to pitch in opinions, and she wouldn't have to worry about anything. No guilt, maybe a bit of clinging, but Kesslan would be over that she was sure, and the girl probably wouldn't judge her.
No, Uuni didn't think she would talk to Kess.
Back in the present, away from thoughts about explaining things to Kess, Uuni kept careful watch on Avery. She put a hand at the girl's farthest shoulder and pulled her in for a moment as her hand slid down the girl's arm and back up.
She took one deep breath and then rested her forehead against the side of Avery's head, taking a small breath and catching the scent of clean hair with just a touch of salt. "Let's finish the walk, okay?"
She didn't have an answer to the girl's silent question.
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 5:24 pm
Avery swallowed, hard.
It was the silence that killed her, followed by the sad touch and noncommittal words. The curly-haired Candidate took a step back the moment Uuni pulled away from their close contact, squaring her jaw and straightening into a more dignified posture.
She'd revealed way more about herself and her feelings than she should of, that was clear now. Guarded hazel eyes briefly met Uuni's and she shook her head once, gently.
"I'm tired. You go on ahead."
Kess would welcome her, comfort her, listen and not say anything. It was time for Avery to lick her wounds.
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