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 Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 8:53 am
I arrived home from college for Thanksgiving break for my mom only to sit me down to tell me that one of my best friends, who I only talked to a couple days ago at that time, had tried to kill herself. This was a serious attempt- long cuts diagonlly down the wrist. I was stunned and have been for the past few days. I've had a couple friends over the years that I've helped with their depression and had been there (not literally, you get the idea) for their attempts to kill themselves and I've never had this sort of reaction. I feel guilty about the whole event because she's a cutter and told me she had started cutting again recently but said she was going to get help about it. I know I shouldn't feel guilty because it isn't my fault, but nothing can get the weight out of my head. I've talked a couple times over the phone and she just sounds so drugged and blank. I feel like she's being kinda dependant on my friendship from what she's said and it just makes me feel even more guilty and uncomfortable. I feel like I don't know her like I thought I did. Quite a mess. I know she needs my support most right now, but I feel like I need to step back a moment for my own sanity. Can anyone offer some intelligent advice? Thanks. sad
(I posted this in LI but didn't get many replies, so I figure it'd be ok to post here? confused )
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Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 7:43 pm
I've been in your situation before sort of, with a friend, and it upset me too. I knew she needed me though since I'm one of her few friends who lives close, so I spent some time with her, and did the best I could.
My ex boyfriend also told me several times before we broke up that he wanted to cut his wrists, and that he wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I had a really hard time dealing with that, because he basically became dependent on his friends to survive. I can't complain, because it worked, and he seems better now, but at the time it really hurt to hear him say that.
If she is getting professional help, and has her parents to rely on, then there's not much you can do (in my opinion). Does she have any other friends she can rely on? I think you should support her as a friend, but let her know that you might need some time to yourself too, to come to terms with what she attempted. And if worse comes to worse, and you can't deal with her or her situation, you could always just not be friends with her for awhile, until she feels better. It is not your responsibility to make her feel better - no one can truly help her until she wants to help.
And it's fine to post this here. heart
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:14 pm
Thanks for the support Nikolita. You're a real sweetheart. heart smile
So..update on the issue:
I talked to her about it and she said something that totally shocked me. She said that she had hoped her suicide attempt would bring me closer to her. I don't think she really understands how the situation hurt me. sad I asked her for some time and she simply said "Thankst for being honest", I assume got really upset, and hung up. *sigh* Somehow I think our friendship is breaking fast.
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Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 12:05 am
You're right, it could simply be that she doesn't understand how killing herself, or attempting to kill herself would hurt you. Maybe she did it because it would make you pay attention to her?
Although there's nothing that says you can't be friends with her in the future down the line a bit. Maybe she'll get better, smarten up, and get help for her depression/suicide attempt, and maybe then you can be friends?
And you're welcome. heart I was just telling you the truth, but you're most welcome.
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