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 Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 7:50 pm
While I didn't have my computer, I put a lot more work into my actual story writing, and this is one of my favorite projects. The character is a modern/semi-futuristic mercenary Second Lieutenant Karasu Bhaal. This first excerpt is from the end of the second (hopefully) novel in his story line, one of the key points of his career.
He ran down the narrow hallway, wondering how he even managed to get that far. The mercenary was shocked that the Chaos strike team had managed to continue existance, much less come so close to actually completing one of their main objectives. Despite being desperately undermanned and poorly supplied, they had managed to make it to this point with only one casualty, Zach Teran. His death had enabled the survival of the rest of the team. He was mourned.
Now, their lives were in danger yet again. A figure entered the hallway a short distance ahead, and Karasu raised his suppressed rifle and sighted. The instant he saw the man's weapon, the mercenary fired a short burst, catching him in the head and shoulder, dropping him. Ignoring the dispatched enemy, Karasu continued down the hall.
The radio in his helmet activated, and his H.U.D. showed the signal coming from 'Cpt. J. Page.' Karasu answered the comm. "Sir?"
"Bhaal, we have a problem. Find Vincent and get to my location. This is urgent."
"Yes, sir."
Karasu looked at the base blueprint displayed on his H.U.D. and looked at the designators imposed upon it. He quickly located both Vincent, and Jason, on the map. He took a quick glance at the mission timer on the bottom left of his display, and swore. The Corian troops would be arriving soon, to lend 'support' to the strike. While the mercenaries were glad to have back up, Jason and Karasu both found something odd about the sudden interest their employers were showing in this mission.
Now sprinting at full speed, Karasu was amazed at the lack of hostile targets. Then again, the portion of the mission he had just completed had required him to go through an area with highly restricted access. It had not slowed Karasu down any, but apparently the Faction soldiers were still obeying the base rules.
He turned a corner to see three of the Faction troops standing there, and smiled behind his visor at the coincidence. Without even aiming, Karasu raised his rifle and emptied the fifty round clip in their direction. All three of the targets dropped, and the mercenary berated himself for the sloppy reaction, he could have easily accomplished the same feat with nine rounds, easily. However, he did not stop moving, if Captain Page said something was urgent, it probably was.
He glanced at the map again, and activated his radio. "Vin, rendezvous at designated location seven." Karasu had picked a location fairly close to being equidistant from him, Vincent, and Page. Vincent quickly radioed in his acknowledgment of the order, and Karasu glanced at the description of the target location. "Damn..." It was a security squad, at least twelve men.
So much for no soldiers, he thought. The crimson haired mercenary ejected his empty clip, still running. He growled slightly, he was getting sloppy, he should have replaced the clip the second it was empty. He paused quickly to check his remaining equipment. He only had one grenade left, and a half dozen ammunition clips. He silently hoped Vincent would have enough gear to accomplish whatever it was the captain wanted done.
As Karasu continued down the hall, alert for more hostiles, he wondered what had Page so concerned. Since he wanted Vincent, Karasu assumed that the captain either wanted something blown up, or defused. The lieutenant strongly hoped it was not the latter.
He turned down another hall, glad for the map on his H.U.D. Without it, he surely would have been lost long ago. With it, he was making good time, and it appeared that Vin was as well. They were both nearing the defense unit.
As he turned yet another corner, he saw the enemy soldiers clearly, just as they saw him. He jumped back into the hallway he had emerged from. While it was true his armor could take a lot more punishment than the simply defenses his opponents had, it only took one lucky bullet punching through the bullet resistant armor to make his day bad. So he grabbed his last grenade, pulled the pin and primed it, then sent it flying down the hall. He heard one of the Faction troops swear, then the explosion.
Taking advantage of the confusion, and his protective armor, the redheaded soldier rushed down the hallway. He emptied his clip, and saw four soldiers drop to accompany the other man on the floor, who appeared to have attempted to smother the explosive. He heard another burst of fire as he swapped out clips, and glanced around. Nobody had a line of sight on him, so he glanced at his map display. Sure enough, Vin was in an intersecting hallway, and had probably opened fire on the soldiers distracted by Karasu's assault. After a few seconds, a few of the Faction soldiers emerged from the hallway Vin was in, apparently trying to gain cover from his attack. Before they could realize their mistake, Karasu hosed them with his Enforcer, and neutralized them.
At that moment, Karasu got another comm from Captain Page. "Everyone, check fire from now on. Corian troops have landed, and are in the facility. Nobody shoot our employers, they might deduct payment. Also, Bhaal, Kroyo, hurry the hell up."
Despite his joke, Karasu could tell something was irritating him. He glanced at Vincent as he emerged from the hallway up ahead, and Karasu would have bet that he was grinning behind his helmet. "Well, I guess we might want to hurry, then, huh?" The lieutenant just shook his head as they both began to run down the path that would lead them to their C.O. As they ran, they had to navigate dead bodies, and Karasu noticed bullet holes in the walls and floors. It seemed Jason had been busy.
As the two young mercenaries ran, their path fairly clear, a surprise caught them off guard. A large group of soldiers ran across and intercepting hallway. Both mercenaries raised their weapons before noticing that their H.U.D.'s classified them as Corian soldiers, friendlies. Three of them saw Karasu and Vincent, and left formation to approach them. One of them noticed Karasu's rank indication on his shoulder pad.
"Sir!" The stood at attention, "We have orders to support and assist the TWE mercenary group, designation 'Chaos,' in any way possible." The crimson haired mercenary looked at the soldier noticing that his designated rank was Major. This man outranked Karasu, why was he deferring to him? Perhaps the Corian troops had been ordered to give the lead to the more experienced TWE troops for this mission.
Either way, he knew he would have to tolerate them. He glanced at their basic armor and weapons they had, and was glad for his own high grade, full body protection, and Enforcer assault rifle.
"Okay, trail behind us a bit, our gear can take a lot more punishment than yours. Other than that, I'll leave it up to your best judgment, you know your capabilities better than I do."
The Major acknowledged, and the group began moving again. Karasu turned off his helmet speakers and opened a private band between him and Vincent. "Keep your eyes on them. Jason and I were nervous before, and this business of a Major answering to a Second Lieutenant doesn't seem right, especially when it's someone my age."
"Oh, goody, I'm not just being paranoid then."
"You? Paranoid? I think your thinking of your sister..."
"Don't let her hear you say that."
"She won't if you keep your mouth shut." With that, Karasu cut the radio band, and reactivated his helmet speakers. He could tell by Vincent's movement that he was laughing at the private exchange, and had not reactivated his speakers yet. However, as they approached the captain's position, his laughing stopped. the whole area was covered in dead bodies, char marks from grenades, and bullet holes.
Captain Page looked at them, and then the three Corian soldiers behind them. "About time. Vincent. I want a suitable charge on every beam in this room. When you're done, link up with Vic. The rest of the strike team had already paired up." He paused and looked at the Corian troops. "You three, hold this room until I tell you otherwise. 2nd Lt. Bhaal, come with me."
Vincent got to work, and Captain Page led Karasu into another room, then took his helmet off, and gestured for him to do the same. "We have a serious issue here. This operation, hell, this entire contract, is not what we have been led to believe."
As Karasu took his helmet off, he felt the cool air go through his crimson hair, and ran his and through it, wondering what Jason meant. He shook his hand off, surprised to find his hair soaked in sweat, he always forgot how poor a cooling system that armor had. "I don't follow."
"The Faction did not start this war. They just have a differing political view on how the country should be ran. Apparently, the Corian government decided genocide would be easier than reform, and began gathering up protesters, and executing them."
Karasu looked at the strike team leader in shock. "How the hell did you find out all this?" He asked, surprised and slightly confused.
"One second." Jason opened a door, and two men walked in, Karasu noticed the handguns at their waists, and gripped his Enforcer tighter, looking at his captain. Jason might have been young, in fact, he was twenty six, Karasu thought, only seven years older than him. However, he had been a great leader so far, so the redheaded mercenary let his grip relax.
"It's fine, Bhaal. I've been in contact with these guys for a while, but did not believe them until this mission. You know that vehicle bay that we planned to blow? It's packed with civilians, trying to evacuate before the Corian troops find them. That's why the government sent their own people with us this time, they knew if we found out, we'd contact TWE and get the contract nullified. Unfortunately, I can't get a signal out, I think their blocking it just in case this happened."
Karasu took it all in, trusting his captain. "So who are you two?"
"Ethan Rike, and this is Darman Mathis. We're two of the original Faction members. We brought everyone together, thinking we might be able to do with action what we couldn't do through protest. As you know, we haven't done too well."
Karasu felt a pang of guilt. He had come a long way since his private mercenary days, and no longer took jobs that seemed morally corrupt to him. He was furious that he had been mislead into killing men who only wanted their voices heard.
"So what do you want with us?"
"We want you to defect. Cpt. Page here has told us that you are much closer to the rest of your squad mates than he is, and that if we convinced you, you would be able to talk to them. So...one moment." Darman took his radio off his belt, and listened to it. As he did, his face grew pale. "Get Forge's group here, now."
He put the radio back on his belt, and looked at Jason and Karasu. "It appears we have a pro-"
As Darman began to try to explain the issue, both entrances to the room burst open, and Corian troops filled the room, weapons raised. Karasu noticed the Major he had talked to was at the head of one of the groups.
"Drop your weapons, and come with us." He glanced at the two mercenaries, "You two as well. I think intel is going to want to have a word with all of you."
Jason met the Major's eyes, and for a moment nobody moved. Then Jason raised his rifle and fired, unloading into the Major. Instantly, the Corian soldiers fired on the captain, dropping him to the ground. Before Karasu could even react, one of the soldiers pulled the rifle out of his hands.
Then a bright flash filled the room, and a loud blast knocked Karasu to his back. He heard weapons firing and voices, but it all sounded very far away, and he did not care. He had just seen his captain, his friend, shredded in front of him. The mercenary grabbed his head, not understanding the situation around him at all, and worried. He felt an impact against the back of his head, and faded out.
A few moments later, he regained consciousness, and his eyes had recovered. He heard a voice, still seemingly distant, but fading into focus. After another second, he heard properly. "Hey! You! Mercenary!" He glanced around, surprised to see a girl in front of him. For a moment, he thought it might be Vic, or Alex, then he noticed her short brown hair, and more importantly, that she was wearing a Faction military uniform.
"Who are you? What the hell happened?" He looked around the room, and began to stand up. He realized the Faction soldiers must have rescued them, and had used a flash-bang grenade. He rubbed the back of his head, wondering what had hit him.
"I'm Karen Forge, I'm with the Faction. We don't have time though. This room leads to the evac area. Come with us. We have to leave now." Karasu realized he had no other choice, if he went back to the Chaos strike team, the Corians would find him soon enough, and TWE might not believe his story. So he followed Forge down a pathway that had been concealed behind a large desk moments ago. As he walked, he realized he did not have his helmet or his Enforcer. He glanced back at the room, and did not see either of them on the ground.
He pulled out his .45 sidearm, and flicked the safety off. Karen looked back at him, and saw the handgun. "You won't need that. We're secure here."
The mercenary looked her in the eyes. "I bet Darman and Ethan thought that room was secure, too. I'm not getting caught off guard again."
She grinned and shrugged, and then emerged into a large chamber, populated by eight of the Nighthawk gunships. Amazed, Karasu looked around. "Where the hell did you guys manage to get these? Even Coria doesn't have Nighthawks. In fact, I think the only group I know of that has these is TWE."
"Later, come on, get on." She climbed up the ramp into the troop bay, and sat on a seat. Karasu followed, and sat beside her, strapping in. He looked around, noticing seven empty seats around them. Karen looked over at him, and followed his gaze.
"They were supposed to be for the other mercenaries. I'm sorry."
Karasu heard her, but did not acknowledge the comment. Page was dead, just like Zach. He wondered how many of the other strike team members made it out. Did Vin and Vic make it? Or the rookies, Alex and James? In a way, Karasu hoped they had not made it. If they did, he might find them at the end of a rifle sight all too soon. He would not forgive the Corian government. He would get revenge for how they used the mercenary group, how they had cost Zach his life, how they had executed civilians. He would get vengeance for Jason, his captain, and one of his best friends. Most importantly, he would teach them that a mercenary was only a hero when he was on your side, and that when you betray them, you will regret it. He vowed to see whoever was in charge of all of this dead at his feet.
As always, any comments or critiques are more then welcome.
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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 8:52 pm
Wow. Never get any comments. Am I doing something wrong?
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 12:00 pm
From what I read, there was only one spelling mistake, probable two. I don't really take notice, because those are easy fixes.
The only thing I suggest needs work on, is where you place your commas. the word, "and," acts like a comma in and of itself, and therefor, if you use the word, "and," its not necessary to place a comma before it.
The other comma misuse, is to place it where we believe it shall help our sentence flow with the rest. I assure you, if you are using a comma between two thoughts or actions that are exactly the same, you are misusing the comma dearly.
Other than spacing out between speech and action, and just, breaks between paragraphs. I actually did like the story. ^^ Perhaps there shall be more one day?
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 12:31 pm
It is going to be three novels, some day (hopefully). Murder for Money, Hero Today, and Gone Tomorrow. This is from the end of Hero Today.
Also, thank you very much for the critique, I know I have not (yet)fully mastered the English language, however much I may claim so. Also, it's nice to know somebody has read this other than me.
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 12:37 pm
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:40 am
This will probably be the opening of Karasu's first novel, Murder for Money. The Karasu in this story is much darker, concerned more on his job than any moral issues. It is not the beginning of his story, but that is revealed throughout this novel. It is the first story I have ever written about the young Karasu.
The Kill
A man walked down the street, dressed professionally in a business suit, holding a brief case. He looked perfectly normal to anyone else on the street, just another man walking to work. He was perfectly calm, and did not appear to have any undue stress. Of course, that would have changed had he been fully aware of his current situation.
Two blocks away, a boy of about fifteen years of age was on a rooftop, and seemed just as calm as the man on the street. The boy did not look normal, however. He was wore gray, military styled camouflage cargo pants, and a dark gray shirt. He had heavy boots, a crow tattooed on his right arm, and dog tags around his neck. His hair was dark red, but a casual observer would have been hard pressed to recall any of this. In fact, all most people would have been able to tell you was that the boy held a sniper rifle in his hands, and seemed completely at ease with the weapon.
The boy was in fact very comfortable with the weapon. He had been using it for some time, and was exceptionally skilled with it. As for the man on the street, well, the boy had just been payed a large sum of money to kill the man. The boy was also very comfortable with this. The man however, would not have been nearly as calm, were he aware.
The boy, Karasu Bhaal, walked over to the edge of the roof, and set up the stand on his rifle. As he sighted through the scope, no stress at all at this action, his mind was at ease. He found the man in the business suit, and rested his finger on the trigger. He was a professional, and would not screw up the job by killing an innocent bystander. As he followed the man along the street, he did not question the reason he had been paid to kill the man. Karasu had no thoughts about if he was protecting others, avenging somebody, or just causing fear in the city. He was a mercenary, he had a job. That is all he cared.
As the man paused to pick up a bit of fallen garbage next to a trash can, the crimson haired youth saw his opportunity, and took it. The rifle fired with barely a sound, and Karasu doubted the mark ever even knew he was in danger before the bullet penetrated his heart, killing him instantly. People on the street reacted widely, some rushing to the man to see if he was alright, some fleeing in fear. Others still did not even notice it, or thought nothing more of it than a man falling over.
The red headed boy smiled with pride at another job well done. This was not his first job, and would not be his last, yet it was still a land mark kill for him. This was the first kill he would ever have credit for in the mercenary world. It was the first known kill of Karasu Bhaal, an exceptionally young, and incredibly skilled, mercenary. It would by no means be the last. These thoughts went through his head as he dismantled his rifle and put it into messenger bag that lay beside him.
In the distance, sirens cut through the sounds of the morning commuters. The boy did not flinch, just slung the bag over his shoulder, and checked to ensure his handgun was still safely concealed in the bag. His employer had been skeptical when he hired a fifteen year old, and Karasu wanted to report his success as soon as he could. For too long now he had worked anonymously, not even able to do proper mercenary work, but forced to take hired hit jobs such as this. For an experienced soldier, which he was despite his age, that had been insulting. From now on though, he knew his skill and youth would no longer be in question. At long last he would be able to do the job he had been trained to do since he could first remember.
Well, there it is, my heartless little murdering b*****d, in all his immoral glory. As always, comments, criticism, and thoughts are more than welcome.
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