Xantil
@Nikolita
It is a one way thing at this moment, but she is really on and off about me. She uses me as a bounce back a lot I think, but she doesn't admit it. There have been 2 times where she really liked me, but whenever she finds a guy that lives by her I'm just out of the picture. So there are points where she does really like me.
I'm in my last year of high school, she is in her first.
See, but that just makes it sound like she's using you. When she has someone near her locally that she likes, you're out of the picture as you said. But when she has no one to be attracted to nearby, then she's giving you attention. It really doesn't seem fair to you, and I think it highlights her age and lack of maturity (which is to be expected, she's younger, and I remember what I and most other teens in my school were like at that age). So yes, as you said, she does seem to be using as a "bounce back" (rebound).
I posted an article in the Relationship Subforum, titled
"4 Tips for Long Distance Relationships." The 4 points from that article are: trust issues, communication, relationship RRSP and "back to the future" (being mutually serious about each other). From what you've told us, there doesn't seem to be a lot of 1 and 2, and there really doesn't seem to be any of 3 and 4. So aside from your feelings for her, and some occasional attraction from her, what is there to have a relationship on?
You said you "don't want to be the a*****e to make her commit to me", but you can't force her to like you. As she's demonstrating already.
Before my current boyfriend started dating me, he was in a long distance relationship with a girl several years his junior, who was still in high school while he was in his 20's. They'd been dating for many months but he felt she wasn't investing the time or effort into the relationship that he was, and she wasn't. Their situations in life were quite different, she still wanted to be with her friends and go out and do stuff instead of spending time in front of the computer, and it hurt my boyfriend a lot. After he asked me about it and I gave him some brutal-but-honest advice (we were just friends at the time), he had a couple of good talks with her and she finally admitted she wasn't sure if she really loved him or not. Which of course hurt him to hear, but he knew he needed to hear it one way or another. So they broke up, and a little while later he and I got together. Now we've been dating for almost 2 years.
3nodding Obviously the final choice is up to you, but I would stop pursuing her and look for someone closer to you and where there's less of an age gap. She's already showing through her behaviuor that she's not steadily attracted to you, she's treating you like a rebound (so there's no respect, and little trust).
Aside from that, in regards to your other question, yes in certain situations it's normal to be happy for someone else even if they're not with you. I feel like that with my first ex, whom I wish nothing but the best in life for, and whereas with my second ex I do everything possible to avoid him. So I think it just depends on the people involved and their past history together. There's also a saying "if you love someone enough, set them free" or something like that.
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