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I already know.
I already know whats going to happen my senior year.
I already know what your going to do and how I'm going to screw everything up.
I already know my mistakes and what I'm not going to do right or get right.
I am already going to fail.
I know how band is going to play out.
I know what my grades are going to be.
I know how your going to treat me.
I know.
I just know already.
A head of time.
That life's gunna suck.
I only know all this and everything because life dose not change and neither do people.
Or myself. No matter how hard I try...
We all fail.
And don't apologize.
Its not that I don't want life in general to be better...
Its just that its not.
And wont.
I warned him but he said he did not believe me.
I think he knew that whole time exactly what he was going to do even though I already called him on it.
He just did not want me to ruin the way he wanted to end things.
He sucks.
Even though I predicted it, it still upsets me because I wanted it to be different.
I wanted to believe him.
Just like I want to believe everyone else...
I really would love to believe you; who ever!
What do I even want?
To be proven wrong.
I want things to be great...
I keep setting myself up for failure. Already dooming myself or someone else. I know that's a good part of this ongoing problem... Its always mostly my fault. I suck. I get this from my mother. She sets me up for failure all the time... She always begins with telling me how I am not going to do something right before she even tells me what it is... I am noticing that more now... And its bothering me...
She says that line all the time: "Just prove me wrong then!"
Well, some people don't work like that... I usually prove people right...If they set it up that way. And realizing all this should help...but it doesn't.
So far she keeps saying that I am going to fail algebra II again... Gee, thanks for the faith in me mom.
That's why.
I already know...
They tell me I'm a defeatist...
Yep. They are right.
That's me exactly.
Now how to fix it?