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QueenTwi

PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 5:01 pm


Hello fellow stroy writers! I'm just looking for some critizism and idea's for my story here. I hope you like it and I know it starts out like E.D. Baker's 'The Frog Princess' but I assure you I have a completely different plot in mind. Thanks for reading!
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 5:04 pm


Isabel looked out her great bedroom window and sighed. She didn’t want to meet Prince Edgar, nor have anything to do with him. But it was her duty as a Princess to marry a Prince, ascend the throne and rule the aliened countries. She thought for excuses as to how to get out of the banquet. A smile twisted its way onto her face. She held the skirts of her dress in one hand and her shoes in the other. Quietly and carefully, she snuck out into the gardens and on into the woods. Perhaps if she got herself lost, she wouldn’t have to meet Edgar. She swatted away the mosquitoes that suddenly clouded her face. “Well thanks a lot. Now I have to go farther away from my home to get dinner.” The voice came from seemingly nowhere. Isabel looked around and saw no one. “Down here!” the voice said. She looked down and next to her foot was a frog. She laughed, “I must be suffering from the heat, there’s no way….” “A frog could talk? That’s where you’re mistaken you foolish girl.”The amusement from Isabel’s face disappeared, “I’ll have you know that it is against the law to insult royalty.” The frog chuckled, “My apologies your highness, but since when has that been a law?” Her temper rose slightly, “Since….I made it up. And what why would you have any knowledge of law? You are a frog.” The frog sighed, “I’m cursed you see, and I do suppose it’s relevant to say that it started with an insult. But never mind that, I am Prince Jared of Carleon.” He bowed, “And in order for me to become human, I must be kissed by a Princess.” Isabel laughed, “Well I am sorry, Jared, was it, I must be off. I have a boring banquet to attend. And as much as I would love to stay, I’m forced to go.” She turned to go back home, took a few steps forward and turned back around. “But I will be back, certainly if Edgar decides to leave in the morning. Ugh! I may spend the night here.” The frog chuckled, “I wouldn’t blame you. Edgar will probably keep the entire castle awake with his snoring. You’d get a much better rest in this forest than there.” Isabel giggled and returned to the palace. Sneaking in through the back, she made as far as the staircase before her father spotted her. “There you are, Bella! Where have you been?! Don’t tell me, you’ve been in that swamp again haven’t you? Go upstairs and get that muck off of you, dinner is in an hour.” She did as he said and went up into her room to change. She decided that she’d be on her best behavior so she could get dinner over and done with. After she changed, she went back downstairs and into the dining room. “Here she is; my daughter Isabel.” Her father said as she entered. She rolled her eyes, ‘Perfect, Egg-face is already here.’ She curtsied and smiled politely. “It is a pleasure to meet such a beauty.” Edgar said as he bowed. Isabel’s cool head snapped, “Try to suck up to me again, and I guarantee your nose will be broken.” She took her place at the table and acted as if nothing was said. After dinner Isabel retired to her room. She changed into a simple gown and braided her hair. When everyone in the palace was asleep, she snuck downstairs into the kitchen grabbing a few apples. She then dashed outside and into the forest, following the same path as before. She sat down on a tree stump and bit into an apple. “Good evening fair princess! How was that banquet of yours?” Jared asked as he hopped into her lap. “Let’s see, Edgar wouldn’t shut up about ‘how grand our castle was’ and ‘how he was in gratitude for being in our presence’, suck up.” She scowled and took another bite. Jared nodded in agreement, “Maybe if I showed up and had an audience with your father, then perhaps you wouldn’t have to marry Edgar.” Isabel laughed, “But you’re a frog. My father wouldn’t think twice.” “I’m not really a frog; I’m a prince who’s been transformed into a frog. All you’d have to do was kiss me and then that wouldn’t be an issue. I was very popular in my country. I think I had a fan club or something.” She laughed again, “A fan club?” He nodded, “So princess, how about that kiss?” Isabel thought for a moment, would she kiss a frog in hopes that it’d turn into a prince, just to get out of marrying Edgar? “I’ll think about. But you must stop calling me ‘princess’ my name is Bella.”  

QueenTwi


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 6:25 pm


¤::::: I knew it was Jim's house. "...Well, then why'd you do it?" :::::¤

I'm interested in how you'll really twist this classic story! You write very well and in a very enticing manner.
I just suggest starting a new line for the quotations. It gets confusing when it's all squished together.


¤::::: Because you asked me to. :::::¤
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Fantasy

 
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