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 Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:12 pm
I finally got enough guts to post this here. Please tell me the truth on what you think of it, should you read it all. I will be posting Chapter 1 of my book ~Demon Wars~ The Treck For Revenge.
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Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:17 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:19 pm
Yes, I know, it is long...
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Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 2:01 pm
Rikonah Yes, I know, it is long...
As for the actual chapter:
It looks like it could be really good, but it's really confusing at the same time. When you have dialogue you need to make a new paragraph whenever someone new starts talking. It's so much easier to read that way.
And it goes kinda fast. You might wanna slow down. Especially when Rikonah falls in love with Prishnah and vice versa. It's just not all that believable when they fall for each other like that -snaps fingers-.
In other words just edit the crap outa the thing and you're good! ^^
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Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 12:20 am
JesusFreakGurl Rikonah Yes, I know, it is long...
As for the actual chapter:
It looks like it could be really good, but it's really confusing at the same time. When you have dialogue you need to make a new paragraph whenever someone new starts talking. It's so much easier to read that way.
And it goes kinda fast. You might wanna slow down. Especially when Rikonah falls in love with Prishnah and vice versa. It's just not all that believable when they fall for each other like that -snaps fingers-.
In other words just edit the crap outa the thing and you're good! ^^I did that for a reason, as far as how fast they fell in love. But, it wasn't really love at first, but rather lust. You will have to continue readin the story for more info as to what happened at those times. As for being blocky, I just copied and pasted. I didn't edit it to look good.
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Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 1:55 pm
Rikonah JesusFreakGurl Rikonah Yes, I know, it is long...
As for the actual chapter:
It looks like it could be really good, but it's really confusing at the same time. When you have dialogue you need to make a new paragraph whenever someone new starts talking. It's so much easier to read that way.
And it goes kinda fast. You might wanna slow down. Especially when Rikonah falls in love with Prishnah and vice versa. It's just not all that believable when they fall for each other like that -snaps fingers-.
In other words just edit the crap outa the thing and you're good! ^^I did that for a reason, as far as how fast they fell in love. But, it wasn't really love at first, but rather lust. You will have to continue readin the story for more info as to what happened at those times. As for being blocky, I just copied and pasted. I didn't edit it to look good.
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 8:41 am
seems pretty good so far, yes a little hard to read but I think I managed alright. It does seem to go a bit fast, but then again you said you had reason for that. I'll just have to read further I guess. Good story overall.
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