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 Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 9:03 pm
Bartan in her arms, Illabel had fled the Sands. She knew everyone else was likely to be headed for the Hatching Feast, but the overwrought girl literally couldn't stomach the idea of feasting in celebration right now. All she could focus on was the actual physical pain in her chest, like a fist squeezing tight around her heart and lungs, and the damp coolness on her cheeks that were the evidence of her tears.
At first there were many people to thread through, going the opposite way. A few were headed her direction, but not many, and those she avoided following. A sob welled in her throat, and her eyes blurred with tears again. Bartan was quivering in her arms, trying to croon to her as she began to run through the emptier hallways.
Heedless of where she was going, she took turns, went up stairways, and bolted past doorways. Finally, lungs burning, she came to a place where the glowbaskets were dimmer, and one had completely gone out. Amazing in a place so full, but with all concerns on the Sands, things happened.
Letting the sob escape, she crumpled onto the floor of the darkened corridor, setting her back to the wall and drawing her knees up before her. Letting Bartan out of her grasp, she hid her face in her hands, leaned against her knees, and began to cry out her heartbreak, oblivious even to Bartan, who flitted to her shoulder, crooning to her and shielding her head with his wings protectively.
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Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:07 pm
It was not a very good day. Not only was he straddled with the deep disappointment and humiliation of not Impressing, but there had been peers mauled on the Sands, rampaging and seemingly insane dragonets, plus a dead egg AND a suiciding blue. Furthermore, his family had been witness to the entire affair and his father could think of only himself; he didn't give a damn about what his children or household needed. . . no, how to make another mark, how to better their name and bring in more wealth and allies. It was Darvim's cold reception and holior-than-thou attitude that really set Darcir's teeth on edge. . . .
Strangely enough, the couple sevendays he had been at the Weyr was enough for him to realize just how strict and stiff his father truly was. Before, he had known nothing else and had merely accepted such a stern lifestyle as his fate. There were things to uphold such as duty and honor and following the instruction of the head of household; yes, on his visits to other holds and cotholds, he had been witness to gentler and seemingly kinder ways of life but his father was a known figure; if Darcir didn't act accordingly than, upon his return, he would certainly hear about it.
But at Ista Weyr, most people stared at him blankly when they questioned the tiny hold he came from. Furthermore, the smaller Holders like his father were all but unknown. A few knew of the general location, but for the most part, Darcir was fast coming to an understanding just how insignificant his father's prowress truly lie.
It was, in a sense, refreshing.
Though he was struggling opening up completely, struggling fitting in with his more relaxed peers, there was something liberating (and completely INSANE) about Weyrlife. Life was completely flipped upside down for the boy and though incredibly uncomfortable a small sliver of him was enjoying himself. Even amidst the work and idleness some of his fellow candidates possessed. . . .
But now was not a time for socializing. With Liu fast in tow, wheeling and chirruping her concern, the dark haired lad completely bypassed his alcove. He didn't want to see M'rik or B'lin, didn't want to chance them being around; in fact, he just needed to cool down and compose himself. To take comfort in Liu and remind himself that he'd picked the best choice; his father could never related or understand the panic of that blue dragonet. And while before pride may have ushered him out swiftly, tell him to give up and just go back to the place where things made sense, he couldn't risk being the source of another dragonets death.
Perhaps he was not dragon rider material. . . perhaps he would never, ever find the one meant for him. But he would worry about that when he was to never stand again.
Unaware of exactly where he was going, dipping in to the Weyr and making his way away from the crowds, Darcir took a moment in a stairway to lean against the wall. He pounded his fist against stone, his scowl deep. At least he could be alone here. . . at least he didn't have to face the judgment of others. Heaving a few deep breaths, reminding himself his family had left and, with luck, wouldn't return at all for the next Hatching, Darcir perhaps would have cracked and crumpled completely . . . .
But muffled sobs caught his attention. Instantly on edge, hiding any temper or aggression or shame he might have felt (Faranth forbid someone catch him actually feeling) the lad looked at Liu. Yes, a few more breaths confirmed that someone wasn't far. . . . and seemingly terribly upset.
Distracted from his personal angst, the boy struggled for a moment; did he turn around to leave whomever was crying to their own devices? Or did he go and investigate? He'd hate it to be caught in such a state, and yet, what if it were one of the wounded candidates? Or . . . Faranth only knew or what might be in trouble.
Shaffit all. . . . He had no choice. He couldn't just leave someone in need. Not without making sure.
Rubbing his face with his hands, he took a few more breaths to prepare himself for whomever he might meet before continuing up the stairs and around the dimly lit corridor.
Liu gave a concerned chirrup and creel, her eyes whirling red-yellow in her distress. Though he could see someone curled up, and perhaps what looked to be wings sprouting from her head, Liu's eyesight was much better. A clearer image of a sobbing girl and fire-lizard confirmed such detailed, though he did hesitate. No need to be attacked by an over-protective and untrained flit~!
"Excuse me," he called out, his own voice strained. "But are . . . are you to be all right, Miss?" He attempted to be as non-threatening as possibly (strangely enough) and didn't judge her tears. Women were allowed to cry and get emotional and all things upset; it was in their nature, really, and something that couldn't be avoided. It would be unfair for a man to assume a woman had to be all things strong. . . .In a way, they were the luckier of the two. If he could, perhaps he would have have been caught doing the same. . . . But that was another story, neither here nor there.
Liu creeled piteously at the pair, eyeing first Bartan than Illabel. Darcir slowly approached, but was ever wary of the protective fire-lizard. Though he looked grim and stiff, he was concerned and that much was clear.
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Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 9:33 pm
Bartan, perched as he was on her shoulder, got the best view of the approaching pair. He swiveled his head alertly as they drew near, his eyes whirling in the dark as the other human spoke. He considered the tone, and appeared to listen to the other flit intently. His final decision was made clear by his echoeing creel back to Liu before returning to crooning to his own charge. He preened her hair gently witn the tip of his muzzle, and gently stroked her head with his wings. He of course couldn't know that the rustle of his leathery wings over her ears made it very hard for her to hear.
The voice had reached her ears before Bartan resumed his minstrations, however, and she raised her head, batting away the crooning bronze's sheltering gestures. Her breath came in little gasps as she tried to stifle her sobs, and she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, trying assume a semblance of normalcy.
it was all rubbish, she knew. His very tone had indicated concern, which meant he knew exactly what she was doing. A catch in her breath turned into a hiccup, which only made her miserable and less inclined to pretend she hadn't been crying.
"I...," she began, at a loss of how to respond. The polite answer was yes. The honest answer was no. Being raised to always tell the truth, she felt torn between treating the stranger as she would have on of the high-level Holders, or as she would her fellow Candidates. For all she knew, he could even the a Rider, not a Candidate! The idea of that made her eyes well with tears again. "I... don't know," she finally managed, stifling another sob. "It just... it was all too much," she moaned softly, hiding her face in her hands again. Her heart ached so hard, she wondered if it would ever stop. She could still feel the vibrations of misery, even seperated back here as she was. She couldn't stand the thought of feeling that all the time, of feeling the ache of loss of others from such horrible circumstances. "I can't do this!" she gasped, heedless of the runny nose that her flowing tears had caused, face still buried in her hands as if to hide from what she felt.
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Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 6:17 pm
Darcir didn't want to be here. Though he was terribly upset and humiliated by being over looked on the Sands, by witnessing his friends joy, and of course by the loss of the suicidal blue, witnessing the girls tears made everything that much worse. He had been raised with an understanding that women were weaker and in need of protection; it was his duty as a male to make sure their needs were tended to. . . . .
Though he honestly had no clue who this girl was, she was crying, and that was enough to make him stay. Reaching in to one of the pockets of his robe, the boy withdrew an unused handkerchief. They had been told that the sands got hot and one might stand for hours upon them; sweating profusely was something Darcir did NOT need his family or strangers to witness, so he had made sure to tuck a few away. Given, he'd forgotten about them completely while dancing from foot to foot on the sands, but it seemed they would be useful now.
"Here," he offered, stepping closer and crouching down before the girl. She looked young, which would explain her rambling upset. . . but he also wasn't going to cast too severe judgment. His own emotions were at war with one another; pride against tears and humiliation against ego. "It wasn't a very happy Hatching," he admitted quietly, his own voice breaking with emotion.
No. He would NOT get upset, even with this girl all worked up. It wouldn't help anyone AND it would just be too plumb embarrassing. Men had to be strong, so he had to be it no matter what. Clearing his throat, he added hastily, "But as callous as it sounds, at least its over. Life can move on, and such harsh realities can be forgotten." He wasn't very good at this reassuring thing, but he honestly was trying.
"Forgive me for stating, but you can. . . you must. You may weep tears now but that doesn't mean you can't continue down the path you've begun." Surely such a scene wasn't going to cause her to shy away completely, to break down. Yes, it had been a horrible event and one Darcir didn't wish to witness ever again. And yet. . . . . this girl had to be made of stronger stuff. If she was upset over this, what would she be like with a dragon dependent solely on her? Or if Thread should ever fall again, what would she be like then?
Liu creeled piteously, stretching out her neck and attempting to croon reassurances at the upset girl. Between the stoic man and fire-lizards, something had to work. . .
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Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 11:05 am
Hearing his voice catch almost made her lose control again. A sob tore at her throat, but she managed to get enough of a grip that it came out as a hiccup instead, albeit a rather tear-choked hiccup. Fighting the urge for more insensible bawling, she raised her head to regard the young man who had gotten closer. Tentatively she accepted the handkerchief, realizing suddenly that her nose was dripping abominably. She mumbled embarassed thanks, taking time to tend to her nose and slow her breathing from the gasping to a more normal inhalation pattern.
"I just," she began, feeling the need to explain to someone how miserable she felt, how driven to the edge of sanity. "I just don't think I can do it! It was bad enough... about the baby...," another suspicious hiccup was hidden behind the kerchief as she struggled for composure. "But it was all those people! All the anger, all the mourning! I've never felt anything like that." The tears flowed again as the intensity of it overcame her again. "It was like drowning in everyone else's feelings!"
She bit her lip hard, shuddering with the need to let it all out and the need to keep it all in. "I know it isn't like that all the time, but I can't do that again!" Her voice had the rasp of meaning with all her heart, blind though the declaration may be. "It would drive me mad! I can't!"
And with that, she flung herself into his chest, seeking the comfort that even a loving bronze flit couldn't give. With her father not attending Hatchings, she had noone to turn to. Still so young in soul, though maturing outwardly, she craved someone's arms around her and a gentle voice soothing her. The idea that he might repulse her wasn't something she had had space of mind to consider. She merely was driven by the desperate emotional need to have someone be there for her.
Bartan had crooned on a different note to the other flit as they came closer, as as she had expressed soothing intentions towards his human. However, he gave an undignified squawk when she suddenly lunged for the strange man and buried herself against him. Instinct had made him take to the air at the sudden movement, which left him hovering there with nothing to land on but the floor. With a disgruntled chirrup, he settled beside his distressed girl and tried to comfort her... knee?
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Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 8:42 pm
Darcir didn't mind offering comfort, even if it seemed ill out of place for the serious boy. Thankfully he wasn't heartless (unlike, seemingly, his father) and he was compassionate and empathic enough to consider her feelings. Was he uncomfortable though, incredibly so! But was he going to let that let that drive him away and leave the girl alone. . .? No. . . Hardly. Short of it being a man, he understood girls were a bit more tender hearted in design. At least proper girls, that is. . .(he had seen many an improper lady since his arrival) and Illabel was no exception.
Of course, when she threw herself in to his arms, he did take an involuntary step back to steady himself. The shock and panic that crossed his features in the dimly lit corridor went unseen by all but Liu, who herself gave a surprised chirrup! It dislodged her from her position around his neck, and instead the little fire-lizard spiraled once, twice around the pair before settling next to Bartan. She crooned encouragingly at the little companion, hoping that he felt better now that he wasn't alone on the floor.
Darcir, for just a moment, struggled with a panic. Oh Faranth. . . girl. . .touching. . . . Unaccustomed to such things, he had no idea what to do with his harms. A hug was a hug though, and though something his family rarely participated in, was something he was knowledgeable enough to give. It was horribly awkward, but she could be forgiven due to her gender. . . . Hesitantly and incredibly shyly, the boy gave a slight hug and a few pats on the back.
"There, there," he started, voice mostly surprised and confused. "Perverse as it sounds, you should be glad you feel so overwhelmed. I mean. . . that's empathy, isn't it? You're compassionate enough to take notice of the feelings around you, maybe a little too much. And they're always saying that those most empathic and compassionate have the best chance to Impress. . . " Whoever they were, at any rate. It was mild encouragement, and perhaps not the best reassurance in the world BUT it was something. "I saw some stoned-face and unresponsive to the event." Like his Father, without saying any names. . . . "But surely you're strong enough to deal with it. Yes, you can cry and be sad, but you must be of stronger stock than to let so much emotion completely overwhelm you. You are a candidate, after all, and I'm quite certain the dragons weren't wrong in such a foresight."
Oh Faranth. . . what else could he say, what else? "You're not thinking of leaving, are you?" He added thoughtfully after a moment, curious.
All right, so he was the worst reassurance giver in the world. But it wasn't something he often needed to do. So it was strange for Darcir, strange but necessary. No one should have to cry and sob alone and without hope.
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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 10:22 am
Thankfully for both of them, most of his words just washed over her, muffled by one ear against his chest, reducing his voice to a rumble beneath the cloth of his robe. Her world, so focused around her own aching heart, began to revolve around the beating of his heart beneath her ear. The steady th-throb th-throb th-throb was reassuring, steady, and an anchor in her present situation of emotional overload. It was simple. It was uncomplicated. Th-thob. Th-throb. Th-throb. Th-throb...
Somehow she managed to tune in just in time for his last question. Her body wasn't shaking so bad with the need to run, to escape. Her breathing had slowed, and the stranglehold her panic had had on her throat had eased. Her face was still wet with tears, though, and her mouth felt cottony. She gave a great gulp and sucked in a deep breath, feeling as if she hadn't done so in too long.
"I... I....," she stuttered, still feeling confused and uncertain. "M-maybe?" It was a weak response, watered down with the wild welter of thoughts still ricocheting around inside her skull. She sat back a little and rubbed a hand against her temple, fingers tangling in her curly mop of hair. How her head hurt! A slim bit of reason was beginning to slip into her thoughts. At least she knew it wasn't going to be like this every time, right? "That was just.... too much!" A surge of panic at the remembered sensation of being swallowed by grief, fear, and anger that was not her own very nearly made her lose her composure again, but she gave another great gasp and clutched at the sleeve of his robe to mentally steady herself.
"Did you... did you feel it?" She turned eyes shining with unshed tears towards him almost pleadingly. Her grip on his sleeve didn't loosen, but at least she wasn't hiding against his chest anymore.
Bartan, completely at a loss and distressed, shifted his weight back and forth on the floor until Liu settled nearby. He chittered his distress to her and shuffled closer to her, clearly asking for comfort much as his mistress was getting. If flits could talk, Bartan would have been warbling, Hug me? Please?
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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 2:53 pm
Darcir felt strange. . . Almost as if he'd been in this particular situation before. He recalled turns earlier, when he was younger and less hardened by his father's rules and more hopeful for the future; his younger sister, all sorts of upset after being informed the family canine had passed away. She had been in tears, much like this, hidden away and Darcir had been the only one to offer comfort.
Girls were lucky that way. . . They could sob and shed tears and lean on another without a second thought. Men, on the other hand, had to always be in control and composed; any sorrow felt was a great kept secret for only them to know. . . Strange that's what life always was, it seemed. One great big secret.
It was still awkward, nonetheless, even though it felt strangely similar to deja vu. Especially as he hadn't a clue who this candidate was~! "Maybe," he repeated slowly, brows knitting ever so slightly. She still seemed very upset, he'd go back to that train of thought when her head had cleared. Right now, she seemed much too distraught to think clearly (if a girl could ever REALLY be caught doing such a thing!). They could converse more civilly later. . . after her tears had come to a halt.
Glancing down at Illabel, catching her tear-stained gaze within the dark hallway, Darcir swallowed hard. He didn't like to see anyone this upset, and the feelings of the dragons around them was too much; add his father's dismissal on top of the rejection of all the dragonets, and it was almost too much for the lad to handle. Honestly, he did want to grieve and weep over the lost; the dud egg and the suicide blue. He still remembered the blue dragonet clearly, and how desperate and upset it became. . . The queen dragons screech still run in his ears and the panic that seemed to ensue was very much so present.
Averting his gaze, Darcir stayed quiet as he attempted to swallow the lump in his throat. Now was not the time, and he most certainly wasn't going to break down in front of some stranger, no less. Hmph. "I did," he finally murmured, a scowl reforming over his features. Not at Illabel, of course, but at the memories and twisted emotions he still felt. "It was . . . . horrible. . . foreign pain on top of my own. In fact, I never want to feel such a thing again but. . . ." He shrugged and canted his head. "At the same time, its something we will feel again; we'll have to feel anothers emotions if we Impress, but not just sadness. Just think, we could get a chance to share in not just great pain, but great joy and happiness too." That was looking at the brighter side of things, right? For all the hurt in the world, there were moments of great joy that could outshine such darkness and hurt. The trick was not letting the shadows and pain completely overwhelm you.
Liu, on the other hand, turned her jeweled gaze on to the little fire-lizard. Creeling piteously, she waddled over to the larger flit and swiftly began fussing over him. She twined her tail lightly with her own, rubbing her wedge shaped head against his neck and spreading her wings protectively about him. Poor little guy. . . She didn't want anyone to feel so upset and hurt!
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Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:31 am
He was right of course. There had to be joy, if there was sadness, right? Unfortunately, as distraught as she was, it was hard to think of the good times. What stood out in her mind now were the terribly sad times. Another tear trickled down her cheek as she strove to see things his way. It was so hard! "But... what if there is no joy?" The strangled quality to her voice evidenced the tightness of her throat, that lump that refused to be swallowed that seemed to contain all your grief. Sorrow swirled around her mind, still drowning her, but a sliver of brightness was more evident.
Bartan evidently agreed with the cajoling of his mistress to be happier. Oh, he didn't know exactly what was being said, but the sentiment was clear to his little flit mind. This was good! She needed more happy. So determined was he, that he suddenly sat up on his hind legs and warbled a sweet trill of a serenade to a lovely summer night, or perhaps the rising of the sun. He tried to put into his voice the things he knew and loved, to share that with Illabel so that she wouldn't be sad anymore.
Though warned by that brightness in her thoughts, she was startled by Bartan suddenly breaking into something that could only be viewed as song. He'd never done it before! She stared at him with amazement, nearly forgetting her stifling sorrow. Though no actual light pierced the gloomy hallway, it was as if a shaft of sunlight had broken through clouds to glow upon the little firelizard.
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 8:44 pm
The hold bred boy's scowled deepened as he turned to fix Illabel with a hard gaze. What if there was no joy? No joy, what!? "Well that's ridiculous," he snorted, giving a dismissive shake of his head and trying his damnedest not to roll his eyes at the girl. Really. . . Though he himself wasn't a shining example of an optimist, and though he seemed to radiate discontent and mild-irritation on a continuous basis, he wasn't what another world might dub 'emo' nor did he look out on the world bleakly.
Life was what it was, and he did believe a person had to create their own joy, even in the most darkest of moments. And though he was over whelmed with humility and uncertainty, though there was much about Ista he absolutely loathed and there were secrets in his life he refused to allow to surface, there were still moments of light. Fond memories of some of his sisters, or a moment where his father confided pride (rare as it was) to him. There were good times amidst his current strife, and though the death of the blue dragonet was a hard reality to swallow, it was what it was. . .
"Though the little blue did not find a mate, even today there was goodness. Look at all the dragons whom did find their partner, whom did not have to suffer like that blue. Think of the smiles on their faces, the joy they could now experience. . . And even with the blue, he would just suffer with out His. At least now he is at peace." Darcir shrugged, not really sure what else to say.
"Cold as it sounds, life moves on. It hurts now, sure, but there will be better days. This will fade and you'll find happiness come the next hatching, should your dragon break shell. And even if one doesn't, at least you were there and got to experience an even most Pernese can only dream about. There will be always be happiness, somewhere. . . "
He wasn't usually so wordy, but he desperately wanted the girl to stop her crying, her sniffling, her hurt. Damn the fairer sex for being so . . .so . . . .so weak! It wasn't her fault she was female, but the young man was incredibly uncomfortable when it came to witnessing tears. He was strong, had to be, exactly for moments like this. And though he himself was having a most wretched day, and he too wanted no more than to break in privacy, with a lady present such was not to be the case.
It was here that Bartan began his strange warbling. It did sound pleasant, in an odd sort of way, and the boys scowl turned on the little fire-lizard. Darcir wasn't exactly sure what the little creature was going on about, but assumed it was some sort of bond-thing between the girl and the flit. Liu had never done something so sing-songy but, then again, the well-behaved creature usually knew better than to cause a scene.
"See? Good times are happening all ready." He nodded over at the little fire-lizard that was trying so valiantly to cheer up his mistress. And if the girl couldn't find a silver lining, even with it staring her in the face and trilling in her ear, well. . . . .then maybe she was just plum hopeless.
Liu retreated a few steps from Bartan, giving the little one some room to serenade. Her eyes whirled a brighter blue, pleased, and she did give a few peeps and croons of encouragement to everyone present in shadow. Things were turning around slowly. . .at least as far as Liu could understand.
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