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 Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:03 am
darkness dwells sadness rains on the world of pain love is lost light is diminished those of hope are destroyed to be replaced with those of dark
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:41 am
1) maybe break it up into lines? It seems way messy this format.
2) this should go in the poem subforum.
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Adorkable Monster Captain
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 12:46 pm
gregori the lonewolf Darkness dwells. Sadness rains on the world of pain. Love is lost. Light is diminished Those of hope are destroyed, to be replaced with those of dark
Is this what you meant to write? Because reading that sentence you had made it read like this to me.
Another thing, if you are going to write about dark pit of darkness subjects, you need to write about something different. Not preach to the choir. Your words are lovely, but they generally get the phrase: "I have heard this before."
Maybe you would try adding some personification, or perhaps even a metaphor even? Give the poem some life? (despite the message, that is)
Other than that, you have a great shell to work with.
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