Welcome to Gaia! ::

It's hard to explain my situation. My mother is a demanding and controlling woman and she tries to make it look like she's just a loving and protective mother. I used to believe that may she did have my best interest at heart, but now I just have no clue.

This started when my older sister started college. My sister still lives with us and has two children that I cannot tolerate to hear, let alone handle. One is a screaming bratty two year old, the other is just 5 months old and she craves attention constantly. If I'm not getting help when I'm watch them, I can handle it. They're either always constantly screaming, or constantly needing their diapers changed. I have been their regular babysitter since the first one was about 7 or 8 months. I didn't have a life around then (about the time I was 13 or 14...I'm currently 15) and didn't want to do other things. But my main problem became just how to take care of them when the second one came along. My sister always has something to do, and even if it's acceptable to bring her kids, she feels the need to drop them off on me.

I had told my mother this, and she gave me hell. Apparently "being a family" means I cannot go places with my friends, sleep in, or have sanity because I have to watch children for 5 or 6 hours a day. This wasn't a big deal until I started telling them I couldn't handle it. My mother would say things about "responsibility" but when I said, "So someone's kids are my responsibility?" She'd say, "I didn't say that. But you need to be a family."

My mother has no concept of what family ******** is.

I told her, "It has nothing to do with not being family. I cannot handle those kids on my own." So I started having my boyfriend come over to help. But besides that, my mother just said, "Bullshit." She has never believed a word I've said since I was five years old.

Similar things have occurred in the past where she tells me I'm lying. When I was seven I had anxiety issues, mostly with going to school. I was afraid that something terrible would happen when I was away, and I always felt safe at home (for example, I was terrified of thunderstorms and didn't want to be away from home if one happened out of fear it would become a tornado). I told her, "I'm afraid of being away from you and the family." And she just said "Bullshit." I've always been told I'm lying.


So I started lying.

I got with my perfect boyfriend on the last week of school. He's really helped with my self-esteem. I've had many issues with mental illness over the years that my mother has neglected (some of these are a matter of opinion; like whether or not I was/am schizophrenic....but regardless it's obvious I've had depression that she has done nothing for, and I've asked over the years for at least therapy). My boyfriend makes me feel sane, happy, safe and in love.

My mother of course wants to ruin that.

She hates when she sees us hug. Apparently "hugging" is "moving too fast." My mother is terrified that I'm having sex with him (we aren't stupid. We'd use condoms if we had sex, and we know how to use them. But because my sister was stupid and refused to use condoms, my mother is afraid I'll do the same thing.) I don't see why she pretends to give a s**t about whether or not I'm having sex. But whenever he is over at my house she will not leave us alone, even if we're just watching a movie. She's terrified we're naked in my room or something, even though the door isn't shut.

Lately our main argument has been how my sister's kids are brats I shouldn't have to watch, but ever since they went into day care they shut up about that. Now I get yelled at any chance I can for my boyfriend. Whether we're "moving too fast" (oh s**t, we hugged!) or something.

During these stupid over-exaggerated arguments my mother tells me, "I hope you have a child as bad as you."

Yes, because I'm terrible that I watched my sister's damn kids for two straight years and didn't like it, and now all I want to do is hug my damn boyfriend.

My mother and I had a terrible argument this morning.

She saw that I am a member of this guild. Automatically that means I'M having sex. I told her, "It's just a guild for teenagers with questions." She told me it's worse than that and continued to yell. She asked, "Why don't you understand why I feel like this?"

"Because teenagers talk and discuss sex, that doesn't mean they're having it, and it's no big deal."

She brought up how my boyfriend and I are moving too fast. I told her, "No we aren't!" This is went she grabbed my head and pulled it back forcefully to expose my neck and screamed, "Let me see that hickey!" (I ******** up and forgot to hide a hickey he had left). I smacked her and told her never to touch me like that again. I almost punched her but I stopped myself. I cannot stand mothers who think it is acceptable to hurt their children just because they are their mothers.

As the argument continued I revealed that when I've been walking around town, I've been with him and his mom. To her, even though we were supervised, this is terrible. And it's worse that I didn't tell her. But obviously I couldn't. She'd try to convince me that I'm ******** his mom too.

The two main things that pissed me off was that she tried to convince me that I'm just "being a teenager" and that "I'm just like her." Also, she said that if I don't "behave" she will sue my boyfriend next year when he becomes 18 for rape (she has no proof that we had sex, what the ********). I started screaming and told her to ******** off and go die.

The bad part is is that I'm starting to believe that maybe I am just being a rebellious teenager. But I'm not am I? She is trying to control my life in unhealthy ways. I understand...kind of...wanting to "keep your kids out of trouble" like she said, but she should learn to trust me. We're not dumb enough to not use condoms. I told her in this argument that if I ever got pregnant I would never let her around my kid and would move out immeditately with my boyfriend and his family (his family loves me and we've discussed what would happened if I got pregnant). She told me "Fine".

Edit: My mother has done other things I believe are considered neglect and abuse. Remember when I brought up my mental illnesses? I've told her, "I feel depressed." She did nothing but tell me to get over it. I told her, "I want to kill myself." She did nothing. And now she finally sees why I've hated my life for so long, and she gets me therapy because I "act irrationally" when she's telling me I'm a terrible child and threatening to put my boyfriend in jail for absolutely nothing.

She is also one of those "threatening types" who will say s**t like she "will beat me bloody" but never does. She just grabs and hits like she did this morning.

My main questions:
Do you think she was going out-of-line when she grabbed me like that.
Do you consider any of this abuse (emotional/verbal/physical)?
If you think I should report it, how can I? My mother did not leave any marks on me and I don't have liable proof. I have told my boyfriend and his family about all of this but I don't know if the court will see them as liable.
Also if it is abuse, how do I go about reporting it?

Please pleeeease and thank you.

Seconded. Lorien summed it up, and at the moment the only thing I can add would be to get out of the house once you're able to. Finish high school, get a job and move out (or move in with your boyfriend). Once you're an adult, you are legally an adult and as long as you're not under her roof, you can do whatever you want.

I'm sorry your mom's putting you through so much s**t. sad My parents were really overprotective too with my first boyfriend (and his were with me, although they got over it first). I'm pretty sure they don't know we slept together though. lol