Welcome to Gaia! ::

I have yet to get completely past this image. Yet, some steps have been made.

Woah, where did that come from? It came from a long time of harassment, brutish interpretations of the Scripture, several mind games and over thinking on my part.

For the past year, I have not been able to get past the image of God as a cosmological tyrant. No amount of prayer, bible reading, or advice from friends was helping to shake this exacerbating image. The kindle for the fire was a condemning sermon I heard. Fuel for the fire were the warnings in scripture about Jesus' return. Attitudes of some Christians I listened to made sure the fire burned brightly. For a year, I went through a metamorphosis as a Christian. I pleaded with God, feeling a profound fear. I got angry at God after finally getting fed up. I tried to completely break myself away from God after deciding that God was a cosmic Hitler with zero empathy.

Yet, here I am now, trying to return to the God of love I thought I once knew. The main reason for this is because of a conversation I had with someone a week back. I tried to tell him about this belief of mine that God was a cosmic Stalin (though I yielded to Hitler instead...Hitler had qualities that were more similar to how I was seeing God) or Attila the Hun (sorry, I watched another documentary on Attila the Hun yesterday and saw him as how I saw God as well: a leader of fear). He listened and discussed. He brought up the cross. Jesus crucified. For a while there I would scoff when someone brought up Jesus' sacrifice, seeing that as God's tyrannical way of oppressing people more. The guilt. The high standards that HAVE to be exacted or else. Yet, this time, my friend patiently explained why Jesus' sacrifice isn't a good argument for God being a tyrant. There's no way in hell, heaven, the stars, or Star Wars, that Hitler would have laid down his life for anyone.

So, here I am, trying to break away from the image of God as tyrant.

Not only the sermon, but also the warnings in the Bible and the attitudes of some people I knew. Combined together a bitter root was instilled over a course of time.

*Hugs back*

And my stubbornness...