I am in a bit of a predicament and I really need "3rd Party" advice. So I'll try to give you all as much information as possible. Please don't be an boobmonkey and be mean in your response. This is huge (for me) and I don't want to deal with stupidity. THANKS TO ALL THOSE THAT READ THIS AND ACTUALLY RESPOND!!!
My Problem: I have feelings for both my best friend and my boyfriend.
History With My Boyfriend
I have been with my boyfriend for about two years and things seem to be going fine, but lately (during the past few months) things seem to be going down hill. We barely see each other because I go to school and work and don't have much of a social life because of it. Our most recent argument has been because my boyfriend keeps on pressuring me into taking fewer class so we can spend time together. (Keep in mind that before school started we did talk about exactly this and agreed that during the fall & spring I'll go full time and during summer part time.) I won't change my career path or how I attend school because if I do the cost of driving will exceed the amount I would save if I stuck to my schedule. (I live 1/2 hr away from my school.) He knows that he can call me anytime and stop by anytime. (He lives a block away.)
My boyfriend is very free spirited. Meaning he goes with the flow, unless of course he has to work. He'll ask me to come with him to party or hang out with friends but he never gives me a heads up. (I need a few days notice.) We've talked about this and he complains saying that I need to loosen up and be more adventurous. Which bothers me because we've had talks about all of this and he doesn't seem to get it.
The first guy I ever dated was a severe verbal abuser. My current boyfriend is not severe but even when I tell him that what he says hurts my feelings, he brushes it off like it doesn't matter, like he thinks that I am joking. (Ex: We just spent a week at my cabin with a group of our friends and we all had a blast! Then the Tuesday after [approximately a day and a half after we get back] at karaoke he's telling me that I'm no fun because I wanted to sit down and eat my food (I hadn't eaten all day because I was vomiting that morning and he knew that.) and I didn't want to go up and dance with him.)
A lot of stuff like that is happening and it doesn't help that my stepdad (my only living guardian) doesn't like him. He thinks my boyfriend's just using me and that I should be with Adam.
My boyfriend's family loves me except his mother thinks that I am a satanic b***h because I'm Wiccan and she's Catholic. She has been convinced ever since she found out what my faith was that I have been out to corrupt her son ever since.
My boyfriend has told me that he wants to marry me, but he can't afford to get the ring. (He wants to cut an almost 100% pure gem quality amethyst stone his grandfather gave him and make that my engagement ring, because he knows that I don't care for diamonds.) He hasn't formally proposed but knows that I'll say yes if he does.
Anyways, things with my boyfriend aren't going well. We'll have out good days when we hang out and watch movies, play video games, walk the dog, hang with friends, have sex, etc, etc, but the negative aspects are beginning to out weigh the good.
History With My Best Friend
Adam and I have known each other for about eight years. (We met in 7th grade.) We've always held an attraction towards each other but never fully acted on it. In 9th grade we considered dating but decided that it probably wouldn't be a good idea because 1) It would create unnecessary drama between our group of friends, because half the girls wanted him and 2) Neither of us wanted a long term relationship. Ever since then yes, we do fool around but we've never had sex or came relatively close to it. Yes, we have made out and yes fingers do explore but we agreed that was only allowed when we are single. Never! When we are dating someone.
At one point in high school Adam did tell me that he had considered asking me out (about junior year) but then he found out that I had started dating my current boyfriend. (They get along great.) Then he was shipped out to boot camp for the Marines. We hadn't talked much while he was gone but when we did it was like he never left. He was gone for almost a year and I practically knocked him to the ground when I hugged him when he came home.
That's one thing that my female best friend notices. She thinks that Adam and I have better natural chemistry and that we have a better bond together that me and my current boyfriend. My Stepdad likes Adam more than my boyfriend because he thinks Adam has morals, goals and is responsible, reliable. He doesn't think Steve is going to go anywhere in his life. Adam's family adores me and wish they could adopt me. His mother had wanted us to date since we were in junior high.
The other day I went over to Adams house (his family was out of town) and we ate dinner, chatted and watch a movie. While we were watching the movie Adam picked me up and put me between his legs so I could leaned on him and we could both be covered with the blanket (Typically that's more of a bf/gf thing but we've been doing it since junior high.) The thing that triggered everything is that it felt right to be in his arms like that. Another big things I noticed was that (after I got a kink in my neck) Adam massaged it out but when he did it it felt like my entire neck down was tingling. I have received massages from other guys before but never have I felt my body tingle, practically melt at someones touch. Plus is felt right and oddly good to have his face anywhere near mine. (his chin was on my shoulder during the movie).
I don't want to ignore that feelings that I have for Adam but the feelings I have for my boyfriend are equally as strong.
The Responses I've Received
From My Co-Work/Friend: "I think you should decide who you want to be with and then talk to both of them about what you are feeling."
From My Best Friend (Female): "I think you should wait a few months and see how things go with your boyfriend and if they don't get better end the relationship and possibly talk to Adam and see where he stands."
My Question to You
What do I do about my feelings for Adam and my boyfriend?
My Problem: I have feelings for both my best friend and my boyfriend.
History With My Boyfriend
I have been with my boyfriend for about two years and things seem to be going fine, but lately (during the past few months) things seem to be going down hill. We barely see each other because I go to school and work and don't have much of a social life because of it. Our most recent argument has been because my boyfriend keeps on pressuring me into taking fewer class so we can spend time together. (Keep in mind that before school started we did talk about exactly this and agreed that during the fall & spring I'll go full time and during summer part time.) I won't change my career path or how I attend school because if I do the cost of driving will exceed the amount I would save if I stuck to my schedule. (I live 1/2 hr away from my school.) He knows that he can call me anytime and stop by anytime. (He lives a block away.)
My boyfriend is very free spirited. Meaning he goes with the flow, unless of course he has to work. He'll ask me to come with him to party or hang out with friends but he never gives me a heads up. (I need a few days notice.) We've talked about this and he complains saying that I need to loosen up and be more adventurous. Which bothers me because we've had talks about all of this and he doesn't seem to get it.
The first guy I ever dated was a severe verbal abuser. My current boyfriend is not severe but even when I tell him that what he says hurts my feelings, he brushes it off like it doesn't matter, like he thinks that I am joking. (Ex: We just spent a week at my cabin with a group of our friends and we all had a blast! Then the Tuesday after [approximately a day and a half after we get back] at karaoke he's telling me that I'm no fun because I wanted to sit down and eat my food (I hadn't eaten all day because I was vomiting that morning and he knew that.) and I didn't want to go up and dance with him.)
A lot of stuff like that is happening and it doesn't help that my stepdad (my only living guardian) doesn't like him. He thinks my boyfriend's just using me and that I should be with Adam.
My boyfriend's family loves me except his mother thinks that I am a satanic b***h because I'm Wiccan and she's Catholic. She has been convinced ever since she found out what my faith was that I have been out to corrupt her son ever since.
My boyfriend has told me that he wants to marry me, but he can't afford to get the ring. (He wants to cut an almost 100% pure gem quality amethyst stone his grandfather gave him and make that my engagement ring, because he knows that I don't care for diamonds.) He hasn't formally proposed but knows that I'll say yes if he does.
Anyways, things with my boyfriend aren't going well. We'll have out good days when we hang out and watch movies, play video games, walk the dog, hang with friends, have sex, etc, etc, but the negative aspects are beginning to out weigh the good.
History With My Best Friend
Adam and I have known each other for about eight years. (We met in 7th grade.) We've always held an attraction towards each other but never fully acted on it. In 9th grade we considered dating but decided that it probably wouldn't be a good idea because 1) It would create unnecessary drama between our group of friends, because half the girls wanted him and 2) Neither of us wanted a long term relationship. Ever since then yes, we do fool around but we've never had sex or came relatively close to it. Yes, we have made out and yes fingers do explore but we agreed that was only allowed when we are single. Never! When we are dating someone.
At one point in high school Adam did tell me that he had considered asking me out (about junior year) but then he found out that I had started dating my current boyfriend. (They get along great.) Then he was shipped out to boot camp for the Marines. We hadn't talked much while he was gone but when we did it was like he never left. He was gone for almost a year and I practically knocked him to the ground when I hugged him when he came home.
That's one thing that my female best friend notices. She thinks that Adam and I have better natural chemistry and that we have a better bond together that me and my current boyfriend. My Stepdad likes Adam more than my boyfriend because he thinks Adam has morals, goals and is responsible, reliable. He doesn't think Steve is going to go anywhere in his life. Adam's family adores me and wish they could adopt me. His mother had wanted us to date since we were in junior high.
The other day I went over to Adams house (his family was out of town) and we ate dinner, chatted and watch a movie. While we were watching the movie Adam picked me up and put me between his legs so I could leaned on him and we could both be covered with the blanket (Typically that's more of a bf/gf thing but we've been doing it since junior high.) The thing that triggered everything is that it felt right to be in his arms like that. Another big things I noticed was that (after I got a kink in my neck) Adam massaged it out but when he did it it felt like my entire neck down was tingling. I have received massages from other guys before but never have I felt my body tingle, practically melt at someones touch. Plus is felt right and oddly good to have his face anywhere near mine. (his chin was on my shoulder during the movie).
I don't want to ignore that feelings that I have for Adam but the feelings I have for my boyfriend are equally as strong.
The Responses I've Received
From My Co-Work/Friend: "I think you should decide who you want to be with and then talk to both of them about what you are feeling."
From My Best Friend (Female): "I think you should wait a few months and see how things go with your boyfriend and if they don't get better end the relationship and possibly talk to Adam and see where he stands."
My Question to You
What do I do about my feelings for Adam and my boyfriend?
