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 Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:26 pm
Oiy! Welcome all vistors. I hope you enjoy the story biggrin . Chapters: Chapter 1
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:28 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:36 pm
Chapter 1- Allan’s a creeper
Five minutes ago, I didn’t know him. I was walking though my neighborhood. The only thing that was on my mind was getting home before 10:00. Absentmindedly, I turned the street corner to desolate part of my neighborhood. In this part there were no houses, no sidewalks, no signs, just a bunch of trees. Then I saw him.
A boy stood at the end of the street. He was standing next to me. The boy was so tiny. Yet he towered over me. The boy didn’t speak, but his voice carried though my solemn city streets. If there was suck thing as ‘love at first site’, then that would’ve been it.
For a while he just stood there, doing nothing but standing still.
"Hello?" I said; hearing the sound of my voice, he ran away. I ran after him. Suddenly, making it home in time didn’t seem very important. I ran to the end of the street, until it turned into a dirt road, until it turned into nothing. Then the boy vanished into the forest.
Until he was behind me.
Until his skin touched mine, making my heart flutter like leaves in the wind. I blushed. Sweat soaked though my clothes as the boy touched the back of my arms.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I’m your—
"Kishi the school is on fire!"
"What!" I jumped up and fell out of my chair. The whole class busted into hysterics. I groaned only to find chunks of ripped paper in my hair. Damn! I couldn’t believe that I fell asleep in class—again! As the teachers and other freshmen made fun of me, I could only think about the dream. It was so vivid. So weird.
Even after the excitement of me falling out of my chair had died down, I still couldn’t stop thinking about my dream. There was something so weird about it, something I just couldn’t put my finger on. Then I remembered. After I was blooded as a vampire, Moe found me passed out on that same street. The same street that was in my dream. But yet at the same time, I couldn’t even recall going there and I especially couldn’t recall seeing a boy. This, in fact, was the first time I even had that dream. So if it even held some truth, wouldn’t I have had it a long time ago?
After all, I’d been a vampire for nine months. My classmates were oblivious. And honestly, my worries about people finding out what I was were gone. When Moe had come to my doorstep and told me I was a vampire, I didn’t believe him. For the first couple of months I was in high school, I called Moe a "Psycho stalker". I mean, if some random guy went up to you and told you you were a vampire, wouldn’t you be a little skeptical too? So honestly it was a complete shock to me when I ended up biting my boyfriend Darren. But in the end, Moe pulled me off of Darren and I accepted him as a friend.
I thought about all this though World History. Then the announcements came on. Dr. Eagle, our principal, talked about a lot of boring stuff that nobody cared about. Then he said,
"Those of you going to prom, be sure to get your tickets ahead of time!"
The bell rung. I ran over to the office to get my ticket. Then I realized I was a freshman. Freshman can’t go to prom!
I sighed as I walked down my school’s main hallway. Tin lockers lined the sides of the hallway. Several students bumped into me as they scurried to their next class. There was a mild moldy smell in the air.
Frances waved to me from across the hall. I walked up the great her and noticed Allan in her arms.
"Hey! I thought expelled students weren’t allowed on campus!"
Allan nodded. "Yeah I know, but I wanted to see Frances."
"Aww, isn’t he so sweet!" Frances exclaimed. I gagged a little in my mouth.
"Yeah sure." I replied sarcastically. Allan kissed Frances on the cheek, the hurried outside before anyone could see him.
"Aren’t the so gross?" I turned to Moe, who had just walked by.
"Yeah, Allan sure is a creeper." Moe smiled.
"Hey Kishi." Jeremy came out of nowhere. Quickly I smoothed out my hair and made sure I didn’t have a piece of spinach in my mouth.
"Hey Jeremy" I blushed. He grabbed my arm; the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.
"Are you still going to the movies?"
"Uhh—
"Hey Jeremy!" Kelly gave Jeremy a hug, completely ignoring the fact that we were having a conversation! "So Jeremy can you help with something?" Kelly twirled a strand of her long blonde hair. Her blouse was unbuttoned half-way, revealing her perky breast while her long blonde hair was fastened in pigtails, which looked more like octopus tentacles glued at the top of her head.
Flabbergasted, Jeremy said "What do you need help with?"
I sighed as Jeremy and Kelly walked away. My inner conscious had proven itself right. I could never get a boyfriend and I could never get any guy to even notice me. Why? Because there would always be another girl way hotter then me. I mean what was the point? My boobs were so small, I could probably get away with not wearing a bra for weeks! It seemed like everyone had a better love life then me. Allan was with Frances. And even though most people didn’t have a boyfriend at that time, at least most of them have proven themselves capable of getting one. Me, I guess I was just undesirable.
"Hey Kishi." whispered a quiet voice behind me. I turned around and saw a girl wearing a ridiculously frilly dress.
"Hey Helen."
"Is something wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, I’m fine."
"Oh." Helen stared at me with her empty blue eyes. The plains of her face stretched childishly. Also her dress seemed to flap around in the Florida spring wind. For a while we waited silently for our rides to come. The gym towered over us.
"So how is everything at home?" I smiled at Helen.
"Great I guess." She shrugged. I tried very hard not to stare at the cuts running up and down her arms.
"Well if you want to get away, you should go to the movies with me, Allan, Frances, Jeremy and the rest of the gang."
"Nah." Helen had that empty look in her eyes. My Auntie Diane pulled up in her car. My eyes managed to drifted towards a girl. She wore bright purple jeans and neon shutter shades. Somehow she looked deathly familiar. As Auntie navigated though the traffic, the girl pulled off her shutter shades, revealing freakishly familiar green eyes. My reaction to this: "Why the hell is Keiko here?"
Questions:
Do you think I did a good job introducing the character? Do you think I tried to do to much at once? Did you ever find it ackward?
Do you think I jumped around to much?
If you were actually liked vampire novel's, would you read this?
Is this to much of an infodump?
Personally, I'm not crazy about this chapter. I feel as though there is something wrong with it...but I'm not sure what it is.
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 11:55 am
Chapter 2- Fade out, Fall in
On the nice side of town there was almost everything to do. You had high end boutiques, big fountains and nice little smoothie shops. In the middle of it all was a coffee shop, with a large relaxed atmosphere and neat tables lined together. Everything either smelled like coffee or comet cleaner. It was all unfamiliar to me, for I rarely even went to this side of town.
As I sat in my chair patiently waiting for Keiko to return, I munched on a brownie. "I'm know we only just got here but I really have to go--can I get your address?" she said when she got back.
"Sure" I replied, blushing.
She grabbed her journal then tore out a piece of paper. It seemed almost to good to be true that she was here. I mean I thought she hated me for the longest time, until she called me 3 weeks ago and told me she liked me. Oh I remember her sweet voice saying "Atari, I'm so sorry for what I did to you at the train station, will you forgive me?" And the even better part of the conversation was when she said "and by the way I'm coming to your town." If I was a girl I probably would have been like WEEE, but I'm a guy so I kept all my WEENESS inside.
I reached for Keiko's bag then pulled out her journal before handing it back to her. Keiko smiled obvious to the fact that I had take one of her most prized possessions. When I was sure she was gone. I pulled out the leatherback journal and opened to the most recent page. It read,
It's amazing how much a person's life can changed in 3 months. I'd already changed location, got new friends and I'm on the verge of getting a new boyfriend. But anyways, I'm used fast changes in my life. So it's okay. My dad worked for the military so I had moved often. Born in connecticut, I was raised in Ohio, Oregon, Arizona, Maine and then finally florida. Moving across the state wasn't very drastic for me. Yet it felt, weird, I guess.
I remembered when I had pack 5 suitcases of clothes and said good bye to all my friends, including Savannah, who wore so much make-up she looked almost unrecognizable without it. The hardest part was saying goodbye to Darren. It seemed impossible to leave the boy that stole my innocence, but at the same time it felt so familiar. Like it wouldn't be permeant.
But then again, It was so easy to leave. I was ready to leave that part of my life behind--forever. I'm tired of having weed stuffed in my face, seeing kids younger completely throw their lives away, as I did. Looking back on everything I did, I'm so ashamed of myself. I remembered when I used to smoke weed 24/7 and I was obsessed with rave drugs. But ODing on ecstasy was enough to make me stop forever. I mean after that I was scared to even DRINK. Plus, having my parents find me afterwards was pretty embarrassing too.
But my parents don't blame me. They blame the school and Darren, for my school has a massive drug problem. My dad was even willing to send me to an expensive private school of my choose. I choose the once near Atari, a.k.a Kishi's school. Why? Because I knew people there and because my dad knew one of the guidance consolers.
And then there's my mother. I have a lot to learn about her. She has a lot of stories from the last 7 years as an on and off meth addict. But, still with her around I feel safer. She looks older, but she still had the same long brown hair, perky breasts and freckles all over her face. Our face's are almost exact--with both have the same marble like blue-green eyes, petite nose, and nyphish grin. Our minds are alike too. She doesn't give the same first-day-of-school lecture. She doesn't thing fashion is a waste of time and she actually doesn't blame Darren for my downfall. But even with all the things I like about her, Can I ever love her after what she did?
Now I lie on my couch. Everything around me feels big and cold. My body is cold and brittle. Some ow I feel happy and free, but nothing about that feeling feels real. Because I know deep down inside, I was to curl into a call and disappear. I can't stand antidepressants. I was to throw away my prozac pills down my dad's toilet, just because I can. The whole concept of anti-depressants pisses me off.
Then I think about my new school. I'm nervous I guess. My classes were introduced to me and I got a tour of the school, which was really pretty with a fountain smacked tap in the middle of the school grounds. I remember thinking about everything, asking myself: Did my past actions destroy me? Could things really go back to there way they were? Could I ever find a home?
Then I remembered a voice behind me.
"Yes" it said. I turned around to see Darren. I rubbed my eyes, but he still wouldn't go away.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"I'm 18. I can go wherever I want."
"But why?" I asked again.
Darren clenched his fist. His large arms seemed larger, his body more man-like. "Because I can--I missed you."
"Oh!" I twiddled my fingers "So you're going to this school."
"Yeah, I inherited a lot of money from my grandparents."
And that's all I remember. How much did I forget?
I slammed the journal closed twice. I didn't even like most of what I read. But what ever. Her story was over. My had just begun.
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:05 pm
Chapter 3- Definatly Not Okay
Having Darren at my school was defiantly stinky! At least for me it was. The worst part about the whole thing was that everyone had to talk about it. Even my idiot friends. “Oh my god, Darren is so hot!” “Oh emm gee! I have a class with Darren! Sqwee!”
Then there was Keiko. Who had almost as much immediately popularity as Da-ran. Where were all these people when I came to their school? My reputation as being ‘girl that passed out’ still hasn’t gone away. But then again, I’d be surprised if people found me half as hot as Keiko or Darren.
I stumbled across my hallway. I didn’t want to be seen, because usually the popular kids use every opportunity they get to make fun of me. After stumbling though the hallway, I hide in the bathroom for a moment, then came out when I felt it was safe enough. Then I ran to my next class. A boy intercepted my path, causing me to fall on the floor.
The people around the boy chuckled, and then when I looked up they laughed even more. The boy I’d bumped into was Darren, and the boys around him were Josh Nichols and the other boys from the basketball team—the group of boys I hate the most.
I chocked. Darren stared at me. His lips quivered and his fist closed in a tight neat ball. I sweated, looked away, everything I could to get those blue eyes away from me. Everything about them burned holes though me. In a way they were almost like cut onions, cause they made me want to cry. I brushed my long blonde hair over me eyes, then started to walk away. Then I bumped into Josh. He flung the chemistry project I held in my hands to the floor. I watched in horror as it broke into a million pieces. Darren looked shocked for a moment, then laughed in my face. I wanted to defend myself, but all I did was run away.
Tears streamed down my face. I ran to the bathroom. I couldn’t understand how people could be so mean! Why did Josh have to embarrass me in front of the guy I hated the most? I ran out of the bathroom and then slipped into my next class.
I tried to hide my face, as I sat though another hour of hellish periodic table learning. It was embarrassing telling my teacher I didn’t have my project. Especially, after I begged him to give me extra credit to bring up my 57 average. So yeah, now I’d have to stay every Thursday and Wednesday for extra credit. Now I’d have to work extra hard not to anger Darren. But hey, at least I was too stupid to actually have any classes with him.
The rest of the day flew by. I didn’t see Darren, Keiko or anyone. But while going up for tutoring, I did see Helen.
“Hey” I said to her.
Helen turned around. She wore stripped arm bands to cover up her latest cuts. “Hey” she replied sadly, before turning away.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah” Helen’s eyes look as if they were about to water. She was definitely not okay.
I smiled at her. “Are you here for tutoring?”
She nodded.
“Well, maybe you can hang out with me afterwards, if that’s okay with your peeps.”
Helen’s expression grew livelier. “Sure, of course!” She exclaimed. I smiled at her then said,
“Well I got to go to tutoring. See you later.”
I waved, hoping she didn’t think I was inviting her out of pity. I mean, I really did like her, and I knew exactly how she felt getting picked on.
After Chemistry tutoring, the school was dark and empty. The tiles were cold to the bone and I couldn’t find Helen anywhere. I checked all 3 floors and the classrooms. Then I decided to give up. If she wanted to ditch me, then that was her choice. I made my way down the stairs and walked thought the bushes. I stumbled on something large. When I looked back, I realized I had stepped on a body. Helens body. She was just lying there. Her chest didn’t rise or fall, nor did her eyelids flicker. I put my fingers on her wrist and checked her pulse. None. My heart beat faster. My lips quivered, then I asked myself Is she dead?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, Keiko’s here? I guess so. I watched the news. Some girl in Miami committed suicide. So what else is now? I flipped though the channels some more.
Do-da-do-da. I flipped open my phone.
“Someone just died” Darren’s voice rung on the other line.
“Ya, lots of people die…”
“You don’t get it do you?” Darren sounded extremely agitated.
“Oh, are you talking about that girl.”
“Duh” I could just see Darren giving me a massive eyes roll. “But the thing is, as soon as I got here someone died. I think Kishi is trying to shove something in my face.”
“No, I think you’re just paranoid.” I replied matter-a-factly. “I don’t know why Kishi-or-what-ever-her-name-is would do something like that? And didn’t it say the girl committed suicide?”
“Yeah, it did, but you don’t have to be just a damn smartass about it.”
Typical, Darren couldn’t even go one conversation without insulting me. I pondered on this between our awkward silence before Darren finally broke it.
“Yeah, I guess that was unnecessary.”
I said nothing.
“You know ever the past couple years we’ve been drifting apart. We should try to become closer, like we were before.”
“Yeah” I agreed, trying not to make the conversation sappy or gay. “We should” then I hung up.
Closer like we were before
God, Darren and I used to be like brothers. We once build a giant tree house, and me Darren and Maya would play house together. Darren was the head. I was the servant, and Maya was the princess. Once time we even had a completion to see who could swim to Cuba first. After 20 or so years from the shore I started to drown, and Darren eventually saved me. The life guard got extremely pissed when Darren told him to ‘go away’ and that ‘he was the lifeguard’. Yeah I don’t even know what happened, besides time and tragedy. But you know, everything that bad that could possibly happen to us, has happened to us. So what did we have to be afraid of? How could things get any worse? Or at least that’s what I thought. I was wrong.
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:11 pm
hey just to let you know I'm still working on the critique for the first post, do you want me to do the other two as well? Or are they a part of the four pages?
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:21 pm
DayhawK68 hey just to let you know I'm still working on the critique for the first post, do you want me to do the other two as well? Or are they a part of the four pages? Oh no! You don't have to do the other too, unless you really really want to. I only paid for you to do the first one.
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:22 pm
A Madness Shared by Two DayhawK68 hey just to let you know I'm still working on the critique for the first post, do you want me to do the other two as well? Or are they a part of the four pages? Oh no! You don't have to do the other too, unless you really really want to. I only paid for you to do the first one. oh okie doke XD then you shall be getting it soon enough after I do the second read through wink
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:26 pm
DayhawK68 A Madness Shared by Two DayhawK68 hey just to let you know I'm still working on the critique for the first post, do you want me to do the other two as well? Or are they a part of the four pages? Oh no! You don't have to do the other too, unless you really really want to. I only paid for you to do the first one. oh okie doke XD then you shall be getting it soon enough after I do the second read through wink Okay, cool biggrin
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 4:13 pm
Aftermath
The chair I sat in was stiff--probably the most uncomfortable chair I'd ever sat in. Ever. I couldn't believe that Helen was dead. I squirmed in the chair, wiping the tears that wouldn't stop forming in my eyes. The worst thing about the whole thing is that the police wanted to question me, since I was the last person to even see her. According to the doctors, it appeared that Helen had committed suicide. But why? She seemed happy after I invited her to my house.
Then I remembered Helen's mother. Large blue eyes, same baby face. She seemed so worried. And she wouldn't stop screaming after the doctors told her her little girl was dead. No she ha to carry on and on. And on.
"No! She can't be dead! Helen wouldn't commit suicide!"
She carried some more. "I request an autopsy!"
I cried in my chair for a really long time. The guild was enough to bury me twice and yet I felt holes were being burned though me.
The police quested me, I felt like a criminal. THen I went home sunday. I crawled in my bed. The sheets crashed down on me like waves in an ocean. I suffocated, feeling as if a epic of me was mussing. I knew that in could days, I'd be able to breathe, and in a week, I'd be at a functional point. I was going to be okay. I promised myself that much. I mean with Maya it was twenty times worse.
The next mourning, I got up. As soon as i woke up, I was to tired to breathe. I wanted to go back to sleep and never wake up. But I had to go to school. So I did.
As I walked though the hallway, people stared at me. They whispered among each other. Even Frances and my other friends seemed scared to talk to me. Then I saw Darren. His ocean blue eyes glared directly into my soul. Everything about them stung me, until the reflection seemed to escape from the back of my neck. Darren's lips pressed tightly together. He looked like a bull ready to charge. Keiko, who was standing behind him, tapped him on the shoulder. She said something to him that made him pause, make him question his next move, but there was no denying the murder in his eyes.
Secrets 1
Darren called me the next mourning so we could sneak in the hospital and eavesdrop on the doctors doing there job. He met me and we spent a lot of time ducking and cover. We even stole lab coats.
The hospital was like a hospital. It smelled of clorox, random body parts. If you listened closely you could hear a lot of people moaning. All in all, a very sickening place.
But the autopsy room was the worst, when the doctors went on there we snuck into the medical closet and hide near a bunch of tumor things. Even in the closet, you could still see Helen's dead body lying on the bed. You could still smell the dried blood in the room. That made my eyes dial-ate a little.
We waited for a while, sat though boring blah blah blah's, while an old man dug though Helen's neck. Gross. Darren kept flicking me in the ear, telling me to pay attention. But didn't he understand that the last thing I wanted to do was look at THAT.
"I don't think it was a suicide." The doctor dug deeper into her neck. Darren pressed closer to me. He wreaked of weed...and something else.
"The girl appears to be drained of blood, especially in her neck...and if you do deeper you can see what appears to be bite marks."
"Vampires" Darren whispered.
"Sounds like it" I replied.
"I bet it was Kishi"
His face turned red. His fists, again, balled up. If only he knew I was a vampire. Yep, I said it, I'm a vampire. I haven't had any of the symptoms, witch is weird to Allan. The only thing that is different is that I get these weird cravings for blood. Lately I've noticed I've been really week, but I refuse, I refuse to drink blood, just as I refuse to tell Darren exactly what I've become.
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