Is criticism welcome?
If not then ignore this post.
You're use of capitals is rather stereotypical - each phrase with a capital, and without commas or full stops it seems rather odd.
If you want it with more flow i suggest taking off some capitals.
There are many problems with rhyming poetry that i have witnessed so far, and that is; the writer is so focused with making it sound good; rhyming, that they start to go off the main plot, or use words that do not fit... sometimes they even use the worst of rhymes; single syllable rhymes.
Seriously, that would be more of a lymrick than a rhyme!
I believe that the poem you've written is quite serious and needs a more serious tone.
Poems are not just rhyming stories, there are poetical devices such as rhyme but that is not all. I suggest you try to play around with the many other poetic devices out there; alliteration, punctuation, vivid metaphors, more imagery...
Goodluck.
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