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 Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 12:49 am
I've already posted this in the LI, but I'm nearly desperate for advice, so please.
Here's my current issue. I'm too young to live on my own or support myself, but old enough to be considered to have my own opinions and thoughts and feelings. My mom can no longer support me and my sister or herself, so we're living with one of her friends in his one bedroom house. He lives a few states away from where we used to live, so I don't know anyone here. We stay in the living room. One of her other friends is also staying here. I'll call the actual owner of the house friend #1 and the other freeloading friend, friend #2. We're waiting on one of my mom's guy friends who is completely in love with her (eww) to give us money to help us get a house or apartment(just the first months rent + deposit). He finally gave us it but now were having other troubles, like actually finding one. While waiting, all the money he gave us for the house is being depleted on food. Friend #2 is becoming intolerable (to me) and starting a lot of trouble for us. Friend #1 is homosexual and in love with friend #2. Friend #2 is straight, but still cuddles with him and gets drunk with him and sleeps in his bed with him and is leading him on a bit and blah blah blah. My mom is also, regrettably, in love with him(friend #2). and friend #2 is all over her, constantly, when friend #1 isn't around (hugging her and kissing her and touching her and laying on her). I would expose them, but I don't want friend #1 to get upset and kick us all out. I hate this guy, and I hate even more, seeing him all over my mom. It sickens me. I tried talking to my mom about it, but she's a bit overemotional about the whole thing (as most people "in love" are). He's always drunk, and randomly decides to verbally and mentally abuse her. Naturally, this upsets me so I try to defend her, but she turns on me the instant I try. He doesn't ask me if I know where something is, he tells me I do.(hes constantly looking for things) When I don't know, and I tell him that I don't he gets mad and insists that I do. he's mean to my little sister. I just hate, hate, HATE this mother f***er!!! and to make matters worse, I cant just wait it out. My mother said that when we do get a house, friend #2 is coming to stay with us. He comes home late(1 or 2 am) and is very, very loud. He laughs, he yells, he turns the tv all the way up, music, talks yells on at his phone. I'm going to ahve to get a job. I can't have him waking me up all hours of the night when I have work early in the morning.
Is there anything I can do? I just don't know. I'm really scared that somewhere down the line (or rather soon) this will end in violence(if not by his hand, by mine. I have a nearly unbearable desire to inflict harm on him or even kill him).
any and all advice is appreciated.
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Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 9:09 pm
Ok, first of all... this friend #2 being mean to you and your sister should be a no brainer for your mom.
secondly why is your mom unable to support all of you?
thirdly, unfortuneatly it looks like you are going to have to make a very hard decision... and that decision is going to be wether or not you want to get help for you and your sister or you want to try to all get along and be one big happy and fail at it.
(I really do hate being blunt but I don't think that in situations like this there is any other way to go at it simply because... there should not be any misunderstandings)
Now. Best solution for you and your sister and your mom right now is for you to call social services and explain to them that your mom is unable to take care of you financially and emotionally due to (fill in the blank on her financial reasoning) and she currently has all of you living in a one room apartment with another guy that you are not related to who you believe is a threat to your younger sister. Then ask if there is anyone you can talk to or any information that they can give you that can help your situation.
Yes, I know it sounds extreme but it is better than your sister or you getting beat up or possibly your sister being molested.
They will come to visit you, they will ask your mom what is and is not true... when they do, your mother is going to deny everything, mostly because she loves you and wants to keep you with her... but at this point... she is not able to provide for you, so you will have to explain to her that if she really loves you, to let you have the help you and your sister need.
They may place you in a foster home, they may place you and your mother in government housing. I do not know. But you need to let them do what they need to do. That way you and your sister are out of harms way, you will be in a more stable environment, and your mom will have some financial relief.
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Bloody-Melons Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 2:47 am
I agree with Tama. Your first priority should be your sister and your safety. Get the hell out of there as fast as you can!
I hate to say this, but your mother is old enough to make her own decisions and if she wants to ******** up her life, that's her issue. You shouldn't have to deal with that man because she wants to. I know you love your mom, but if she won't accept your help, there's really nothing you can do about that.
Please don't kill him. :] This is really important. ^^ You don't want to mess up your future over some drunken ******** face.
Whatever you do, don't forget that there is always an option. It will probably be hard and frustrating, but as long as you think positive [trust me, I know that's easier said than done] you will be ok.
I sincerely hope things work out for you! I really do.
I personally don't believe in God, but I will pray for you and your family!
--Mel--
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Posted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:23 am
I also agree with Tama.
I was in a very similar situation, once. My mom was 'in love' with someone who treated both her and I like s**t.
He was drunk most of the time, and was loud and disrespectful and stole our stuff. My mother took his side so completely that I ended up with issues that I still haven't overcome, ten years later.
One major difference, though. I didn't have a sister to protect.
Do the right thing and get yourself and your sister out of there. It might save you and her a lot of grief. Plus it might make your mother see what her actions are doing to you.
I'd say call social services. If nothing else, it could be a wakeup call to your mom. And, just think how great it would be to be out of such a hurtful environment.
If you need any help, or want to talk, PM me for my msn or yahoo IMs. Err...if they're not already listed in the guild. XD
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