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 Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 7:21 pm
I have very short spells of depression every now and then. It's not usually that serious, but it's not good for my social life and grades. It's also kind of hard for me to pin down what's depressing me and why. I have no major conflicts in my life. None of my pets/family members have died. I've never had a boyfriend and don't currently have a considerable crush. my friends aren't bad influences. My grades are also quite good. It's just that I feel like I get bored with life sometimes. I was born into a very nice family, who's expectations were much higher than that of my classmates. I was raised in an environment free of cussing and alcohol. My life was never complicated, but I just kept getting bored. As a kid, boredom led to me getting my a** handed to me by the elementary school principals. I frequently got in trouble because I couldn't relate to my peers. I always had a knack for art and a very strangely creative mind. But when your little, abnormal things are often considered "weird" or "bad". I was bullied a lot but it was the only really stressful thing in my life. once I got into middle school and high school, I began to find myself and friends who excepted me for my strange self. I've hung out with the band since grade school, and they've always been good influences on me and my decisions. It's been like that for as long as I can remember. I just have a mind that excedes my thought range. It's hard for me to be "normal" on a regular basis...normal being keeping my thoughts to myself and staying optimistic. As soon as I get home I go back to my pessimistic self. It's like having a suitcase full of personalities that Iput on for different environments. I know that's probably normal, but I've yet to meet someone I could talk to about it. I don't even talk to my parents anymore...my last venting well has dried up and flown away. So, I'm just gonna list a couple thongs that might be the cause of my current pessimistic-ness:
- I have artists block
- I'm broke
- I'm probably not going to get as good grades this quarter because I'm a bum.
- It's getting to be hot weather which makes me quite irritable.
- We have star testing and then finals at the same time.
- I realized how much next year's gonna suck when all the seniors graduate.
And that's just a few. The rest are just little things that pile up. Actually, just writing this has given me time to cool off. I still feel distant though. Please help me understand my strange situation so I don't end up hurting myself in the future. : ]
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 8:08 am
Heya Peeps,
As I read on, I started to think to myself ''This sounds a bit familiar, Peeps just sounds bored''. Sure enough, eventually I saw that you stated that. Which shows you are aware.
I've always been an optimistic person, and sometimes found myself waking up in the middle of the night thinking about some things I did that day and putting the covers over my head. Back in elementary and middle school, even if you didn't care much that you were different, it still hurt and it sucked that people could not accept you the way you were (oh yeah, I went to three different schools where it got my butt kicked for me, too. I feel ya on that).
I eventually really just grew away from caring all that much, it was too much of a waste of time anyway. And there was nothing I could do to change myself, and I felt I was on the right path. My grades were all over the place, I wasn't a part of any big stuff in school, and honestly didn't care for school spirit (yaaayy) and I was weird.
Still am!
But what I learned is those moments that dip, do pass. That's really all I can pass on. You sound like you understand yourself, but seeing yourself fitting into society, I remember feeling I didn't fit in. But the bright side of it was that I was happy where I was and exploring my own life, learning about myself and taking things at my own pace.
I hope you get to at least experience that, too. Because it gave me a great piece of mind. Optimism and the desire to be yourself and just do your own thing is a lot more rare than you might think. It was normal to me, but it started to attract people that were on the inside wanting to be near people like that.
And I'm quite sure you have something about you that will and does attract people to you.
But as for how you're feeling right now, as I said: Everyone gets those and sometimes you sludge through it, sometimes you drift, sometimes you stomp your feet through it as if it were a muddy pit of quicksand. The trick is to not let it in over your head... know what I mean?
Sometimes it just takes experience and learning to see how we handle it best, but you'll figure it out soon enough, I'm quite sure.
And though I'm just some stranger on Gaia that is writing a lot of words, at least know ''You're not alone''. I feel you on a lot of things, including bored.
Your muse is somewhere out there, I don't know where. Sometimes you got to explore around a little bit, go places (SAFE PLACES!) that you don't normally go, meet people you would not usually meet to find it.
Sometimes, the answer just comes to you in time.
As far as your grades, yeah I'd imagine they would suffer during your mild case of depression. My best advise on that is about the same: don't overwhelm yourself. Maybe find a new place that is comfortable to you to do homework or study.
Sometimes it's only a matter of changing your perspective a little that will help you out of a slump. Worked for me, anyway...
Take care!
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Beloved Conversationalist
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