Update:
Up until today I thought being friends with my ex was a physical and emotional impossibility. I thought the desire to do sexual things with him would overcome my better judgement and I would always wish we could go back to the way things were. Heck, those two things absolutely did apply today. But as much as it made me sad to see him, and as much as I miss being his girlfriend...I also miss being his friend, and miss having him in my life. After three months of no contact it was really nice to see him. Now I wonder if maybe I was being unreasonable. Maybe I could do this friend thing, or do I just feel this way because I'm fooling myself into thinking we'll get back together. Either way I'm stuck working with him at least 2 days a week. So I guess we'll try the coworker thing and go from there. It's only been 4 months since we split, so it might be a bit soon to try the friend thing. And even if I wait a year, it might come around and bite me in the a**.Breakups are tough, no doubt about it. Rarely they are mutual and it's not a big deal. I've been cheated on, I've been used, I've been dumped and never to my face. Usually when a guy is through with me, he disapears off the face of the earth. Am I really that scary? Then after attempts at hunting him down, I get an email or something.
rolleyes I've had to break up with someone that I liked, and was petrified of hurting him. But did so to his face, and we remained friends. All this to say, I've been stepped on enough, it never really phased me. I was mad when I was used, cheated on and ignored but got over it pretty quickly.
This last breakup however, has driven me into a ditch and I'm stuck and can't get out. See I know the average age group on gaia may not understand this. But I fell in love...
sweatdrop He told me he loved me, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, that he never wanted to lose me etc etc. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, the greatest boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. After 7 months and being told he loved me for the first time maybe a month prior. Suddenly he says to me (via txt) that he's terrified of hurting me, that he loves me, but is feeling differently, that he's "confused" and that he just wants to be alone for a while. So we broke up... Of course, I was in denial the whole time, thinking, he would certainly miss me and come back. I could not live without him, he had to. Well a month later, he says to me, he's pretty sure he just loves me as a friend
confused but according to his mom he still tells his family there's a chance we'll end up together again. So the lack of closure here has made it very difficult for me to move on of course.
Another month passed and he gave me my space. Then an email pops up from him. Saying how he has not forgotten about me, values me and everything he learned from me, and will always be there for me when I'm ready to speak to him. I simply tell him he can't be there for me as a friend, because I feel like I'll always wish we could be more, and don't want to put myself through that. That I hope everything is well with him, but not to contact me.
That's fine and all. I mean, I've only had 3 MONTHS trying to get over him. Time heals all wounds right? So why won't my feelings for him go away? Why do I still miss him ssoo much. Yes a guy who breaks up in a text is not worth the pain. But he did come over, apologize for that and explain himself to me after the initial text...
I've been trying to move on. After 3 months, I still get turned off at the idea of any other man touching me.
Well in 1 month he will be my supervisor. So I'm not sure if this will be a good thing or a bad thing. Hopefully it will force me to come to terms with us being over. On the other hand, it could be torture to be reminded on a regular basis of what I've lost. I've already told my boss that there is no problem with us working together, so I feel that I have made my decision and have committed to this job so finding another job is not really an option.
At this point therapy might be though...
How did you get over your first love? Does the love ever go away? Can you ever be friends with an ex lover?
(random venting and pics in my
journal)
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