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 Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:03 pm
She lowered herself, sitting beside him and trying her best to calmly listen. She knew the story would be horrible-- the blood all over their home had made that clear… But just how bad? Mentally, she could only try to prepare herself.
She wanted to reach out and hold him, the tell him it was okay and pet him as if nothing had happened. She didn’t want to know what had happened. She wanted to ignore it… But it wouldn’t go away. Something like this, there was no way it would go away if they just ignored it.
He-- … He-- he
He had killed them? Right after they had just talked about this, not a month before? B-But… But… They had attacked him first, it was okay, right? Self-defense was supposed to be justified, right?
Whatever self defense might be justified… Cannibalism.. That.. He--
His god. It was his god. Varu was not at fault! He hadn’t done anything wrong!!
Varu… Varu was…
“I won’t… I won’t run.” Her mouth twitched, trying to form a reassuring smile, “Because it’s not you.”
It was his god. Varu was innocent, and kind. Varu only wanted a world without predators!
“I-It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong. You said…” How much of his words could be true? “That you couldn’t help it. But… But you also said that you won’t do it to me. It’s not like you enjoy it, right?”
If he couldn’t help it… How could she know that he wouldn’t do anything?
“….Right?”
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:38 pm
"No!" He shook his head emphatically, daring to look at her. His eyes were wide and more than a little desperate. "No, not at all!"
How could he? How could anyone possibly enjoy what he'd done? He couldn't see, now - his eyes were burning too much, no matter how much he rubbed at them.
"I know - I know I'm a monster," his voice had completely broken, the words dropping like cracked glass falling out of a window. "But I don't. I never v'anted any of this."
It was a hard price to pay in exchange for what his god promised him.
"I vouldn't ever - I v'ould kill myself before I hurt you or Sydni." That was a vow. He would never, never do that to his girls.
But he was still terrified, and the tears wouldn't stop falling.
He wanted, so badly, to believe her. That it wasn't him - but even he wasn't sure about that now.
Roughly he ran his hands through his hair, clenching at the strands and bowing his head back over his knees. He thought he'd graduated from the bathtub. Thought he was stronger than this.
But here he was again, shaking and pathetic.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 9:06 pm
“You’re not!” She reached for him, pulling him close to her body as best she could. “You’re not .”
“You don’t…” She couldn’t make her feelings clear to him, he was simply too far gone, too far into his own self-loathing to see that he was the same person. “have to do that. Don’t…”
Holding him tight, she regretting that such a poor, innocent person might be dragged into this painful game. That he should have to suffer so much at the hands of a cruel and heartless game. He should have lived his life, enjoying every moment of it… Should have been a kid she had met at the park, rather than through the game…
It wasn’t fair, that this game would steal so much from him.
“It’s okay. It’s alright. You’re not a monster.”
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