Welcome to Gaia! ::

SNIP
goes a little fiber in my brain and
seratonin and dopamine leak out
like a roller coaster with a missing track, they go
plunging into the water below
they say they can fix this, I imagine a flood of
worker bees, gnawing and pasting
it will be ugly, they say, and scarred
but fixed.

and yet
can they erase
the pain it's caused? the greenhouse gases
and radiation
left behind by my explosion,
my subtle little SNIP
when he tried to go in,
to fix me,
and failed--?
when they tried to soothe me
applying band-aids and peroxide in the wrong place
and, when it fails, they fell away, hurt and betrayed?
who can fix this? one more year
of pain, of rebuilding,
taking pills that may not work, trying things that may not help
when all i wanted was an end to the lonliness
the feel of human skin
can they replicate
that?

never have i ever
meant to hurt a soul
never have i ever killed, stole, lied, or lusted
never have i ever intentionally caused pain
like an ownerless shield, i took the blows, dented, rusting, forgotten,
but until now,
i never realized
that the feet which trod on me
could say the same thing:
never have i ever meant
to hurt others as i have been hurt.
how can i not forgive?
i do; i try;
and yet
at the end of the day
who's left in the dirt--
them, or me?
bees build their bridges but
i've burned all mine to cinders.

it's spam because ITS A USELESS WASTE OF LIFE blah. I'm mad at it because it's true.

But when I go to sleep I will have sore legs as well as everything else o:

it's okay. I am emo.