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 Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 8:56 pm
I've been a single parent for two months now...
The father left me for the girl he had interest in since the week before I had his son.
I've got so much rage in me for the father of my son.. and sometimes, I just want to look past it and cooperate with him, but it just irritates me..
How can someone honestly say to a question like, "Don't you care about your son or want to see him?" And reply "If I did, don't you think I would've called in the past two weeks?"
How can some parents be so heartless.. I know we're young.. but he knows what he should be doing, and he doesn't pay for anything or even want to see him.. Our son's name is Drake.. Isn't he adorable?
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Posted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:44 am
I'm sorry your ex is a dead beat dad. sad I, unfortunately, have several friends in the same position. You're not going to change him. If you can, if you are not still wanting him, write him off. You could take him to court for child support. Of course, the court may award him visitation, but from what you say, he may not visit anyway.
I also have a son named Drake. He used to be cute. Now, he's a teenager with all the angst to go with it. crying
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Posted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 9:07 am
That *is* heartbreaking. Your Drake looks like a very sweet little guy. It's unfortunate that his father is being selfish, lashing out, and an asshat. Honestly, both you and Drake are better off without someone like him in your lives. I know you're angry with him now, but I'm hoping you can let that go and focus on what is positive and that adorable little fella you have there. Cheyenne is right, you can't change him or make him want to change. That will have to come from him and on his own. You may have to be willing to accept that he might never do it.
Are you looking to get support from him or no? Child support and visitation are two seperate court orders.
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Posted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 7:55 pm
I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time. Your son is really adorable!
That said, you can't really force someone to be a dad and be there when he doesn't want to be. You should try and get child support from him, I think... and if I were, I'd probably tell him to either be in his child's life, or to not. You don't want him in and out when he wants to be, because that would be hell on your son later in life.
When it comes to single parenting, I think you really just have to think of your son. I know it would be great to have two whole parents in his life, but if it's not going to happen... there's really not much you can do.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:48 pm
I'm sorry you and your son are going through this. Just remember that being a parent has nothing to do with the ability to reproduce. Parenting is about your relationship with the child. In the long run, though it might be tough, I think both of you would be better off without him in your life.
My sister-in-law, Shannon, went through something very similar, but the dad was involved and set about to make her life miserable. And their poor daughter, Jordan was caught in the crossfire.
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Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:48 pm
thats so sad. I feel for you, truly. I have to tell you, my mom was the BEST single mom. All the crap she took from dad and never did she tell me anything. she just concentrated on being the best mom and providing for me and sis. i asked why she never trashed dad like he trashed her and she said "you can fix alot of things in this world, but you can't fix a**hole.' and she right you can't. just be the best mom you can be and ta hell with him. look at it this way, you get your baby all to yourself and you don't gotta share. all those smiles, hugs + kisses, macaroni art, and bouquets of weeds, there all yours
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 7:08 am
You know, I'm sorry to say this, I don't want to sound rude, but honestly your predicament isn't the first of it's kind. That's not sad, that's life. In parenting relationships involving younger people, where I come from kids are lucky to have a dad or a mom. You have every right to be angry, and I completely agree with your logic, unfortunately I disagree with you fishing for sympathy. You're not the only person out there who suffers this kind of thing. Take my mom for example, she raised two of us on three jobs, welfare, and bad health. Today she's doing well, and both of us turned out great. Okay so my brother's a bit kooky... xp but for the most part she did her job well, and I don't think she regrets doing it alone! Of course, I'm one of those who stuck with her problems, I never let Ken get away from me, hehe, I wanted him around, I need him everyday. But if that child's father is gone, let his son grow up without him, he will thank you for it later! In fact, that baby will never miss what he never had.
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 12:57 am
@Erotica: I doubt she's fishing for sympathy. It sounds like she just needed someone to talk to. Somebody to empathize with her so she doesn't feel so alone.
@Juliann: First of all, your son is positively adorable. I just want to cuddle him. He's gonna be a little heartbreaker. whee
Second of all, you are a very strong woman. You've taken a bad situation and are trying to make the best out of it. I know exactly how you feel, I'm going through the same situation. My son and I ran away from ym ex-husband when he was only 6 months old. My son Anson is now 3. And its been a long hard road.
Its ok to be angry, even hateful towards this man. All that means is you're normal. Some advice:
-There's going to be days where everything seems to be going wrong and you're going to want to blame it on him "If he hadn't left none of this would be happening!!" Fact is, if he hadn't left it just would've been something else to cope with. You're always going to have hard time, the important thing is how to rise up from those times and make the best of them.
-There's going to be days when you're very depressed about the fact that he left "What does she have that I don't?" "Why wasn't I good enough?" That is when you STOP. You have to undrstand it's not you who isn't good enough, nor is it this other woman who is better. It's him who isn't good enough, and never will be. He wasn't good enough for you or your son. And you're going to eventually meet a man who is worthy of you.
-You need a support system. Friends, Family. For both you and your son. Because you're going to have time when you need that extra boost, or show your son that everything is the world really will be ok. And somedays you just need some help. And that's ok. Doesn't mean you're weak, just means you're normal.
-Remember to do something small for yourself. Its hard to do when you think of everything you're responsible for now. But it doesn't have to be anything huge. Join a playgroup. Take fifteen minutes before you all asleep to read a book. Take a bath during nap time or bedtime. Take up a hobby: sewing, cross stiching, knitting, painting, poetry. Something.
-And lastly, the most important thing is to show you're son that you love him. He doesn't need a gazillion toys, or the cool bed, or the expensive clothes (trust me they're not worth it with as fast as he'll grow). All he needs is for you to love him.
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