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 Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 2:10 am
My family life is a bit complicated.
It's tuff to raise children, even when they are not your own.
I have been doing most of the raising of my brother who is now 15 almost 16, and his teen age years are really pushing me to my limits.
I have so much love and pride for his accomplishments, and so much anguish and sadness when he brakes my heart.
He called last night to ask me if he could die red stripes in his hair.
I told him he was still in school and that maybe she should think about it.
He just said. "well your not my mother." and hung up on me.
So now he called our mom, apprantly she said yes, as she always does, and he is now sporting red stripes. I hate haveing to be the big sisster, when everyone expects me to act like the mother. Even my mother expects it of me.
Driving him places, talking to his teachers, always tending him, or finding someone to tend him when I couldn't. Teaching him the difference between right and wrong. Etc. everything that a parent does, I have done for him.
I'm just finding his little rebelious teen age years hard to deal with.
Thank you for listening.
any advice on how to get through the teens please let me know.
thanks.
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 6:16 am
I dont have any advice really, as I just have a two year old.. and my younger brother just turned 21.. *hugs* It sounds like its quite stressful on you though, having to do all that.. and quite the big responsibility, especially when he just pulls the "your not my mom" card.. =(
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 1:20 pm
May I ask what your ethnic background is? I know for asians big sisters and borthers tend to take on resposiblities of a parent, and it can be tuff. Especially for the girls there is a lot more expected of them.
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 10:35 pm
D3nis3 May I ask what your ethnic background is? I know for asians big sisters and borthers tend to take on resposiblities of a parent, and it can be tuff. Especially for the girls there is a lot more expected of them. I am cocasion, of Dutch, and Dainish decent. With a little English and Irish mixed in. I've always had to take on extra things, ever since my mother and Father divorced at age 4. then when my mother re-married at age 11. I just grew up fast, and have helped out with everything. *sigh* He now belives that his world is coming to an end, because I wont let him drive. I told him that since I was " Not his Mother." that he could just go driving with his "Mother" or his "Father" that Kirk and I were not going to play these games. Either he respected me for what I try to do for him, or he could just rely souly on our parents for what he needs. At least with me he knows that No really does mean no.
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 1:09 am
*hugs* I wish I had some wonderful advice for you, but my oldest being two I thankfully haven't had to deal with the teens yet.
The best I can think to offer is talk to you mom, and tell her how it bothers you when she gives him the okay for something that you have just told him no to. I mean with parenting at any age they say the best thing is to be united in decisions. Children learn quickly which parent to go to for permission and it sends mixed signals when one parent says no and the other says yes.
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 9:24 am
Some people don't like when I say this, but I've had to help raise my nephew who's now in his teen's. The way we were brought up is that if you let him look the way he wants to that shouldn't matter, just the way he act's. But it sounds like that's more than the problem, I'm not going to lie teenage boys are harder than girls. So I guess all's I can really do is wish you luck
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Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 4:34 am
I am not going to pretend that I know how to raise teenagers, or that I have ever been in your situation, but my best advice is this. If it is really expected of you to be like a parent to your brother then you need to make it clear to him that he is to respect your authority as a parent. I remember babysitting my sisters when they were younger. It wasn't quite the same because they were not teenagers, but they would try the whole "you're not the parent" line to get away with things. If your mom really expects you to be responsible for your brother then she needs to respect and support the decisions you make. If she is not doing that then you might need to have a talk with her. I don't know if that helps, but it's the best I've got. Good luck.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 10:39 pm
We sat down and had a "Family" meeting, where some rules were set down.
Some that he chose, and some that I chose and we reached some comprimises.
So far it's working.
Thank you everyone for your encouraging words and support.
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Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 6:14 pm
errr... correct me if i'm wrong: he asked your opinion and you gave it to him. You didn't tell him what to do. sounds like you were being a friend and he dissed you. i know some kids like to pick fights to vent some steam and they don't even realize they are venting in the wrong direction. (My mom does that!) Don't take it personally, the more you ignore their wackiness, the less they tend to get crazy. Red stripes? he is so looking for atttention!
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Posted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 3:54 pm
Teen years huh? Feh. Where do I start. This is possibly going to be the roughest and most confusing time of his life, so take it easy on him. Though, not to easy, because he'll be more daring and will constantly test his limits against you. Even though your not his mother, your obviously the closest thing to him in that acspect so try to act like one in some cases. Be the loving sister who holds him when the world crashes after his girlfriend breaks up/cheats on him but be there to throw his butt out the door when he refuses to go to school. My eldest children are 15 and are sometimes more than I can take, so the only just information that I can give is this: Wear a helmet because your going into war.
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Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 10:13 am
I have much to say about this,but first I'd have to know more about this child. If you feel like you need to message me and chat a bit,I'd be happy to listen and maybe be able to give some real advice.Because of my background with special needs children and teens,I don't feel I can help in a minute or two on the boards.
Blessings to you and your family
Grams
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:00 pm
My mother was neglectful and I have had most of the reponsibility for taking care of my younger brother and sister, (4 and 9 years difference between them and me) since i was about 10. We got taken away from our mom two years ago when i was 16 and i haven't gotten to see my little sister much since then, but my brother and i are very close. He's 13 now and I'm 18. Even though he lives with his dad and i live with my boyfriend he still depends on me a lot becuase I understand him the best. My little brother and my boyfriend are probably my best friends.
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