Welcome to Gaia! ::

Short story on a Prompt, haven't named it yet, please edit when you have some free time:

I knew the sky was blue, but it seemed to me that the sky never truly was until the most important day of my life, a Sunday. I felt all of the aches of life release in a sigh from my joints and sift to be poison to some other life form in the atmosphere as I put my foot outside of my door.

I knew today would mean something.

There are so many things that make life important, defining points that showed you there really was a point and function to it all. I couldn’t keep my mind still as I walked down the street to my end, a wonderfully bright walk filled with houses that had no fences, where the grass spread and touched, no true defining line between one property in the next, only little dips and curves of land that didn’t seem too prominent.

But somehow they meant something.

I waved my hand at someone who waved back, and my heart swelled. People you know, closely or not so close, define your life. If you bent to pick up a stone and cast it in the river, the ripple might touch a tadpole, and carry him along further, where it meets a female tadpole, grows up and has beautiful tadpole babies that never would have existed if it weren’t for you.

And even tadpoles meant something.

Every thing is connected. Every breath I took to my lungs sung a different moment in my life, defined a new edge of a sharp blade that was my existence. Soon my whistling conscious reeled and stopped abruptly. I could see my destination in the distance. I could see him.

He was a dark stain against the clear blue sky, the only thing evident in my vision. I could see even from where I stood his heart wrenching half smile as he sang the truths of a harder life in his dark brown eyes. Someday I would marry him, and have a child. That too defined my life.

I gave wings to me feet that day, my tunnel vision focused on the only thing in my world, the blackened boy who was my world, standing ever still on the sidewalk, me in the street running in a whirlwind of life and color towards him. For no reason at all, it seemed, his face fell to sadness.

I hesitated.

I hardly felt the impact, but I felt the falling, more like flying, soaring, and the rough kiss of the pavement as I met it presently. I could hear screaming until my ears slowly began to fill with some unidentified liquid. Warm and smooth, and the only sound was silence. My darkness was hovering over me, his face locked in wretchedness as he brought me into his arms. I could feel his chest vibrating as he sung me some melancholy song that I couldn’t bring myself to hear.

I could feel the aches of my life seeping out in a sigh, and I could feel my pain release like poison in the atmosphere, to bother some other soul. Blood began to fill my vision, and I blinked and tried to wipe my eyes. I wrenched my muscles in futile effort. I was beyond frustrated, and yet my arm refused to move.

But then I saw, up above, a bird reeling in its waves and burst of life. It meant something, I knew, and the bird would dip and swing until its wings gave out. It was a brown and a white and it clashed artfully with all the red filling my vision.

But, ah, the sky never looked so blue.

~~~

He whispered sweet words in her ear, the girl that was his world, holding her as the last breath abandoned her lungs. He shook with unshed tears and anger and pain and life. He sung to her. He thought of many things that reminded him of death and loss, many things that put his mind to the sad irony of existence, but the song that graced his lips was immeasurably worse.

And he sang: “Blue skies, shining on me; nothing but blue skies do I see. Blue birds singing a song; nothing but blue birds…

…all day long.”

I'm new, and I would appreciate help with my role play style. I don't think I'm very good, but that might be becuase I'm 14...oh well.
Here's a sample.

Elizabeth's whole body shivered violently from the cold. As she continued to walk through the snow, she pulled her sweater tighter around herself. The snow continued to fall, making it hard for her to see. She didn't notice the large tree root right in front of her. As she fell hard onto the ground, she heard a voice. "They've found me." she thought, "I have to get away." She stood up and began to run. She could hear the footsteps behind her. Her left shoe fell off, and as she ran the snow felt like needles. She wanted to cry, but restrained herself for fear of her tears freezing to her face. Her body could not handle the strain of running, and she collapsed onto the snow. The footsteps were so close, no more than ten feet away. Elizabeth looked up at the person who had followed her. She saw, not her aunt or uncle, but a young boy. As she began to close her eyes, she felt him place something around her. She had the sudden feeling of being lifted, as she whispered, "Help."

D'ya think the critiquers left? I posted mine in October... still no reply. Maybe They are just really busy but....

I've been personally wiped out with a bout of depression and overwork and such these last few months. At the moment I'm contributing a lot of energy to a story I'm writing myself... I'll have to figure out a way to check who's still interested in getting a review so that I'm not wasting my time on stuff the person won't read. You people are noted though. And I don't know what happened to krome, btw.

Okay. I'm sorry everyone that we basically failed to keep up with this thread, but if anyone would still like us to review anything feel free to ask. I'm not sure there would be any point in reviewing the old-but-missed stuff, as most of the then-posters have probably either lost interest or have better stuff to be looked over now. So yeah XD.

People jumped at the chance to be edited last time, so you never know. Some of 'em want help improving, some of 'em want to prove themselves, and some I think are just curious as to how they rate compared to everyone else... That kind of thing.