“It’s good you came”
I walk in so nervous and scared feeling like i am going to throw up any second. Three people in front of me in the line. My nerves getting the best of me I start to close my eyes and pray and anxiously sweat. I know this is needed. I have put this off to long why am I like this?. I need the mercy that I desperately seek. I remember a song from one of my favourite bands Yellowcard. It is a song called “believe”. The lyrics “Everything is gonna be alright be strong believe” repeatedly in my head. As if it was so easy to do that. I did really did believe; but for so long not that strongly. Oh shoot! I say to myself ..another person slides out of the dark confessional and one person slides in. The guy next in front of me looks at me.. he is young about my age and looking almost as nervous as I was. “i didn’t do this thing since I was confirmed.. 8 years of sins to get off my chest” he quietly comments... I look at him and say “I’m in the same boat”. We share a quiet chuckle. “I’m so nervous” i say truthfully. “Me too” he responds in an anxious tone. “wanna go in front of me” he says as he places his hand on my back and slightly pushes me.. “umm no!” I say going back to my spot. “You should get it over with” I say. “ I guess” he responds quietly. “ he seems nice I say.. I mean the priest”. “Yeah, young, just out of the seminary, hopefully he is understanding” he says just as another lady walks out teary eyed but smiling. “I’m next “ he says in a way that makes me shiver. “Just let it all out” i say he nods and smiles. He turns around and looks at the confessional that in moments he will enter. Three minutes pass by very slowly and as the repentant came out as my new friend let out a deep breath. “Good luck “I say wishing that he could stay just a little longer out here with me. He walks in slowly. I move up another step in line and pray a little more. *Dear God help me through this sacrament. I am scared and ashamed and I hope that I will receive your boundless Mercy. It went by so quickly in my mind.. those 5 minutes that guy was in there... He came out and whispered “It’ll be great!” he said smiling light heartedly as he turned to the pews. I take in a deep breath as well. The smell and taste of incense fills both my nose and pallet. I walk in the door. I had a choice to make now.. (although i though i already made it) stay where I stood and do this in private or face my greatest fear and do this confession front to front. Quick i say in my head. I always though i would just go behind that screen too embarrassed to show my face. But something possessed me.. I slowly walked to where the priest sat and sat in the seat across from him. * will i regret this?* I think in my head. No turning back now.. unless i wanna make myself look like an idiot. He welcomed me with such a warm smile. He started and said “I’m glad you decided to come. Welcome to the sacrament of confession”. I nod and say quietly “thank you”. “I’M quiet nervous father I say.. Like really nervous.. I never done this in a while” I say without much hesitation as this information just poured out of me. “I’m glad you came” he repeated. “ I’ll do my best to help you out as much as I can” he said looking so friendly. “Let’s start of with the sign of the cross” he said as he held up his hand “in the name of the Father the son and the holy spirit.” “amen I responded. “Great” he says now you can start. I take another deep breath and look at the priest and start. “Forgive me father for I have sinned it has been five year since my last confession I say. I know it’s long.. well especially for me as this is practically my whole like teenagehood. I laugh nervously. “I see“ the priest responds. I take another deep breath and the priest looks me and nods “what are your sins my child”. A pause.. then it all just came flowing out of me everything that i truly regretted and was really sorry for. It was just like a conversation with an old distant best friend that I might of had. Father made it like a conversation and never reacted to anything that I said and truly tried to place himself in my position and understand where I was coming from. What a kind and understanding person that was in front of me truly a vessel of God himself. I was astounded of the compassion he had towards me like I was his daughter. I truly felt like a child of God at that moment. I’m not one to get emotional but that’s what I did I cried in front of a complete stranger saying the sins that i regretted most... I had one more sin to confess.. I let out another quiet sob and paused for a minute. Father placed his hand on my knee and I looked up from the ground that I couldn’t help but stare at. “This is good that you are here, don’t be afraid, i understand” he said to me looking straight into my watery eyes. His big blue eyes filled with compassion. I looked back at him looking at this man of God. I said what I needed to say still keeping my eyes locked to his as I said it. He did not react as I told him the circumstance.. how long i have felt so bitter.. so broken about it and vowed to break this vengefulness I feel inside of me with the help of God of course. I said I was finished. He comforted me once again and told me that he knew the bravery that I needed in order to come here. I nodded. He said that it is important to steer away form temptation, to pray to God when I feel discouraged, to help others. He asked me to say the Act of contrition. “O God I am heartily sorry for having offended thee.. i start off. He gave me my penenance.. too easy i thought for all that I have done. God is so merciful .The most amazing part was when he prayed for me in silence nothing but a peep was heared. He got his hand once more and put it up. Then he said it the words that I have only dreamed to here from him. “I absolve you in the name of the Father, and the son, and the holy spirit. “Amen” I respond so happy and light hearted that I couldn’t help but smile. “ Thank you father” I say as I reach my hand out to shake his. He does the same and shakes my hand. “I hope to see you again but hopefully not as long as I waited this time”. “ I promise” i say getting up and thanking him once again. I go to one of the pews where my new friend was kneeling and praying. I kneeled next to him and said the prayers I needed to recite for my penance. He waited till I was done. I sat up and he whispered “ By the way, I’m Andrew he says. “Steph.. my name is Steph nice to meet you”. “It was true” I said “it was great”. He nods. “Let’s get out of here” he says as he got up “Yup” i say thanking God one more time in my head.
Andrew turned out to be a great friend. I was able to talk to him so freely and honestly. From then on we went to confession together going once every three months. That day I walked out of confessional with a new life ahead of me and a new friend to guide me along the way. The END.
