Welcome to Gaia! ::

Awww, sweetie. I know how hard it can be when someone is no longer in your life physically. It is tough. It is even tougher when they were the person that you kinda relied on being there for you thought thick and thin. You have a couple of options though... You can look at it as "At least they are in a better place/not suffering any longer." or "It was just their time and let it be a lesson to us all to live life to the fullest." ... or any other number of possibilities. But all the philosophical stuff is not going to make you feel any better, or make the hurt go away. The best thing you can do is to acknowledge the fact that yes, he is gone, but you are still here. After you get it clear in your mind that you are still here on earth and have people (that you may not realize) who need you around too, then visualize yourself in a couple months, then a year, then two years, then five years, then ten years... and imagine yourself going to college, getting your first professional job, falling in love and possibly getting married... and think of how proud your brother would have been of you. That you were strong enough to go on and do the things that you have done and accomplished something with your life... all the while keeping him and the lessons that he taught you in mind. I like to think that it is the people that we meet in this life and the lessons we learn and take with us that shape us into the humans that we are and will always be. The fact that he cared about you and you still care about him speaks highly of him and proves that him caring has shaped you into someone who is fully capable of a loving relationship, and shows that you are not with out mercy. Those two characteristic alone are the most important things in life.


One thing to keep in mind about your family though is that... Everyone grieves in different ways, some make peace easier and quicker than others do. Your parents, I'm sure, both loved him. Just because your mother has problems, does not mean that she does not love her own children. And your father, while he may be preoccupied, is more than likely not ignoring the situation. Is it possible that maybe they are putting on a brave face for you? Parents, no matter how messed up are not always blind to what their children are going though, some just react differently to it.


Being on anti depressants is usually never fun... talk to your doctor and see what they think about changing your meds or dosage to see if maybe something different can have an affect on your mood or your general thinking... maybe a small change can make you a bit more optimistic about the future. I'm not saying that medication is the cure-all or that they will make you happy. A truly happy person usually has to work very hard at being happy.


Just remember that no matter what you do with your life, it is YOURS, and you alone are the only one who can make yourself happy.


I hope that everything turns out well. And just know that any of us are here for you, you can even PM one of us or possibly talk on IM or the phone. So if you need to talk, please tell us.

Love always,
Tama!