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My heart is in so much pain... Crying myself a sleep every night, waking up in the middle of night because of the dreams that haunt me. I have never felt so cold. The love of my life can never be mind all because of her ******* parents, If I could only have my way with them I can them just how badly I want her. I may be new to the whole love thing and may be confused but I have never felt so strong about her. This is no mere crush or urge for sensual experiments I ******* LOVE her and would have done anything for her. The fact that she is having an arranged marriage is the one blockade I will never overcome. Why do I even bother to live If I can't have that special someone by my side. I hate this life that has been laid out before me, am I that unlucky, am I just never meant to find someone to hold dear. I don't know, but I need to do some major thinking, because right now I am one the ******* verge of blowing up and since I am so unstable I am going to need some confinement. I am to be a lone wolf for the rest of my life. Perhaps I should just accept that and give up. Atleast I won't be a virgin but still Before I die wanted to have my own family that is **** that constantly haunts my dream. and when ever I see her beautiful face and how someone so beautiful could even find a guy like my attractive, How was I ever able to catch her heart crying I never should have tried for now I think I broke her heart and in the proccess killed my own. I haven't cried for a very long time and for someone like me, who has locked his emotions away to begin to do so... yeah I think I cried about 4 times just posting this, as well as slamming my fist a few good times. Well sorry whis is yet another waste of time, for those who even bothered reading this... I am terribly sorry, you shouldn't even need to hear the words of such a pitiful man, who has lost nearly all his will to live. I know that in your mind just thinking of this makes you want to slap me or insult my man hood or whatever else but know that no matter what you all are like blood to me. I care about each and everyone of you and even though I can't smile, I will continue to try to make you smile. Thank you for accepting me into the family I don't even see why I deserve to be in such a perfect guild crying

Thanks, that truly means a lot. I will continue to date her until that day and even after we wil remain good friends. Over time my wounds will heal. It just ticks me off how people can do that. Her own parents... the ones that love her and raised her. Doing such thing, I will never forgive them... something so perfect.

It will get better my friend. I promise. And I never make a promise that wont come to pass. Sometimes you feel like God turned off the light at the end of the tunnel because he forgot to pay the power bill. But in the end, and believe me I have been in a similar situation, except I was married and well thats a long story, anyways I have grown stronger threw the experience. I'm still searching for my soul mate. Perhaps one day I will find them. Until then I shall just live each day as it comes. And that is all you can do.
Peace to you my friend.