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Jamais Changeant Vice Captain
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 Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 6:31 pm
The dream came as all strange dreams do. Completely out of the blue so that you wake up with a startled intake of breath wandering, why in the world did I just dream that? Later you search for a meaning and try to justify it; at least, that’s what I did. This is what I dreamt:
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Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 6:33 pm
Baby,
I don’t know how to write a letter like this. I don’t even know if I want to. It’s just so hard for me to put in words everything that I feel for you…I love you so much. So much that I feel as though my heart will break whenever you raise your voice in anger against me. So much that I can’t help but say the wrong thing then cry about it later hoping you will forgive me. So much that I’m so afraid to take a misstep that I end up never moving at all. That’s why I think…it can’t go on like this. It’s just too hard…and I’m sure you feel the same way. I don’t know what I’m trying to say…
I couldn’t finish the letter. I don’t know why I was even writing it when it had just been another of our pointless fights. One of those yelling matches that only end up in confused tears then passionate make-ups. I lay in my bed clenching this crumpled piece of confusion tightly in my fist. A cold sweat was covering my body as I tossed under the blankets trying to find a comfortable position. Suddenly it felt as though I would die under the thickness of the covers. I kicked my legs fiercely, but the more I struggled the more the covers seemed to tighten around my body. Finally I had to unclench my hands and pull the covers off.
As the letter fell to the floor to be lost amongst the dirty clothes, returned homework and old receipts I let the cool air of the fan refresh my previously heated body. I couldn’t sleep and for some reason I felt like I wasn’t supposed to. Without me realizing it consciously I rose from my bed and pulled on some pajama bottoms and slippers. Fresh air. That’s what I needed. It seemed so obvious now that I was on my feet and out of the restricting sheets before I could think about it further.
Why though? I never went out at night before. My parents would have my neck if they knew I was going out on the streets alone, especially so late. I did anyways, because, despite all logic, I felt like I had to.
The road was deserted, save a few cars here and there. I wasn’t really paying much attention to where I was going when I looked up and happened to glance into a passing car. It seemed to be moving slower than the others and I could see the two passengers very clearly. A man was driving. He had a ferocious look upon his face that made me quickly turn my attention towards the woman in the passenger seat. I recognized them immediately. They were that couple that I had always envied for their frequent meetings in the school hallways. No, they were that couple that I wished I could emulate with their happy bantering at every mall in town. No, they were that couple that was always so perfect because they were always so alike and always so together. They were all those couples that I always thought I wanted to be because they seemed to have it so much better.
Something about them that night, though, made me wonder why I’d ever envied them. As I glimpsed at the woman her eyes seemed to lock on mine and plead for my help. I knew I shouldn’t, but I followed that car, sticking closely to the shadows and out of sight.
I almost came into view when the car stopped suddenly ahead of me in a patch of light cast by a streetlamp. I had to catch myself behind a tree and peered out breathlessly as the driver’s side opened and the angry male stepped out. He seemed so steady and controlled in his steps that for a moment I wondered why I had thought he was angry. He was walking over to the woman’s side and had opened her door. I was waiting for her to step out when, instead, he leaned over and picked her up. It was then that I saw that her hands and feet were bound.
My eyes widened in horror as I watched him carry her over to a boulder in the park they had stopped next to. He sat her on it so gently that; again, I had misgivings about what I was seeing. Maybe this was some sick sort of game they liked to play. It wasn’t until I saw him strike the match that I realized she was pleading for her life. That’s when I felt a hand cover my own mouth which was about to scream in protest. I struggled at first as I watched the girl on the rock go up in flames and the man shake his head in disgust before I realized it was my boyfriend who had grabbed me from behind. He’d come to apologize for the fight we’d had and must have followed me when he saw me leave the house. My struggle stopped as I turned my head into his chest. Unfortunately I could not hide myself from the earth-shattering scream that suddenly broke through the stillness of the night.
The man was driving off and my baby finally let me go. We both ran for the girl once the man and his car were out of sight. We threw dirt onto the fire that was engrossing the girl and the earth around her. It went out and somehow she was still alive, though badly burned. Her screams were silent as she stared at us, her saviors. My boyfriend pulled out his pocketknife and cut her hands and feet free.
I was expecting gratitude of some kind and instead she pushed past us and ran at a surprisingly energetic pace. We couldn’t let her go. We had to help. We took chase after her. I trailed behind, being less athletically inclined, but managed to keep up.
She led us to a pizzeria and vanished threw the front doors. We followed in hot pursuit, close on her heels, but could not see her. It was the strangest feeling I’d ever had. The feeling of being led into a well-planned trap. The man behind the counter asked us if we wanted to order anything, but I didn’t quite understand what he said. I was too busy looking around for the girl.
My eyes landed on a black head of hair behind the partition separating the kitchen from the main floor. Hearts sometimes have a tendency of feeling suddenly heavy in your chest when you realize that something bad is about to happen. That feeling fell upon me tenfold as the head, and the body attached to it, turned around to reveal the man from the car. He was drenched in blood and had a dagger in his hand. A cruel grin was spread across that twisted face that had just recently watched a girl burn.
I could not feel my legs moving until we were outside again, my boyfriend holding my hand and pulling me along. What was going on? I couldn’t put two and two together as we ran for no seeming reason. No one chased us, yet still we ran with the desperation of a herd of antelope being chased down by ravenous lions.
We had been running for what seemed like hours when we finally came to my house. We should have known better. We shouldn’t have gone in. But we didn’t know and we did go in.
Once we had locked the door behind our retreat I fell into his embrace, and he into mine. For minutes we stood like this, all fights forgotten and only the knowledge that we had witnessed something terrible weighing on our minds. I wanted to stay like that forever, in his arms. That’s when the phone rang. I shouldn’t have answered it. We should have run. But I did answer and we didn’t run.
“It’s time for you to go,” was all the scratchy voice on the line told me before I threw down the receiver. I looked over and saw my boyfriend on the other side of the room. When had he gotten so far away? I didn’t remember walking that far and I was afraid to move. He ran to my side so that he might hold me tight, but then stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes gazed upwards and though I dreaded what I would see I followed his eyes hesitantly
I wish I hadn’t looked because there he was. The man from the car, the man from the pizzeria, the man from the phone, and every man I’d ever feared grinning down from one body that seemed suspended from the ceiling. I felt a tug on my arm, but I couldn’t move this time. A look of twisted glee was covering his face as he dropped down in front of us and looked straight at me.
His eyes seemed to reflect the fire that he had burned the girl in earlier that night. “Leave him lest you both die.” My boyfriend shook his head, but I was so stricken that I agreed. He walked out as though he owned the house and let out a laugh that resounded in the walls only to be mingled with the tears and cry that had sprung from me once I realized what I’d done.
Before more could be said I ran out. The thought that I would never see him again was overbearing, making it difficult for me to breath in my retreat. I was leaving him the way I was going to leave him in my letter. For no reason other than senseless fear.
I don’t know how long it was, but I returned shortly later and fell to my knees at his feet. He was frowning at me, until he realized how much I hurt. I pleaded his forgiveness even though I knew I did not deserve it and he gave it with that same generosity and kindness that had led me to fall in love with him in the first place.
He grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me to my feet. As we embraced a fire blazed in the middle of the room. I let out a startled gasp, but this time I did not pull away from the one I loved. The man was standing in those flames with an angry look upon his face unlike the one I’d seen him wear in the car. No, this was a horrendous anger that could only be brought about by the knowledge of defeat. He glared at us from those flames and as we gazed back a tail whipped out from his backside. Small black horns had sprung up from his head and his skin was turning redder by the minute.
He sneered at us in a mocking voice that I could tell he was struggling with. “Your love apart did make me strong, I felt your anguish burn. Do well to keep it now that you know. If you waste it I will return.” With that he vanished amongst the flames and not a mark of his existence or the fire remained. Aghast at what had happened we turned into each other and swore never to be torn apart again.
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Jamais Changeant Vice Captain
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Jamais Changeant Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 6:35 pm
I awoke from this dream in a cold sweat. My heart was going ten times faster than it should as I remembered the different occurrences throughout this strange vision. I wondered what it all meant. I wondered if it meant anything at all.
It did. The devil himself had come to me in a dream that night. He had taught me a lesson inadvertently. Fights happen. They are a natural part of life that we must all learn to deal with. I’d been having misgivings about my relationship up until that night, because we always seemed to be bickering over something or another. The devil taught me that while I can be angry I should never allow myself to forget my love. I wrote a poem the next day and this is how I concluded it:
Our love will hold through thick and thin
To this I solemnly swear
Never again will we be torn apart
For to lose you I could not bear.
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