Welcome to Gaia! ::

It's important to understand what Contstructive Criticism is:

There is a good article about this on Suite 101. I cannot copy to Gaia but I encourage you to read it.

http://editing.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_give_constructive_criticism

ok, poor poetry deserves a poor name right? well here it is!




oh, fiendish night air
how you make me long for a woman's touch
all i want is that brief rush
that false ecstacy
in the heavy air
like a dark blanket
the scent of cherry blossoms lingers
as we lay with laced fingers
your skin so soft
my spirit aloft
i live for moments like this
when finally we kiss
now i feel alone and adrift
the moon my only ally
the stars my reminder
of that with which i must comply
this one splendid moment
wrought from false security
now i long for the sight of cherry blossoms
the touch of grass against my cheek
alone for eternities
my body is battered and weak
i try to call your name
and ask why you have forgotten
your lips are now poison
your heart is now rotten
but your name i cannot remember
and your touch i can no longer feel
your eyes are as cold as december
and nothing makes sense though everything is real
my false bonds are broken
your love i cannot return
your feelings arent shared now as they were then
now my body aches and my skin burns
the earth starts to shake
the sea begins to churn
the wind twists and turns as if alive
fallen leaf and angel alike caught
spinning, flying, furiously, falling then rising again
first from wind but soon it fades and foresaken it becomes
fished out of poison and pestilence
through poverty and politics now has risen
a peculiar being with a persona none can match
the people passing pay no attention
all paths he has traveled
no road remains a mystery
ravashing, his eyes
soothing, his voice
sweetly, softly, singing your praises
secretly reciting your requiem
lost in his eyes you see
a false soul which seduces you
draws you closer
only to keep completely neutral
you take his friendly facade as
a sign of affection and adoration
he keeps you in check, always playing his games
never giving anything he has taken
listening silently to your soliloquies
he gives a little smile
holds you close
you acquire an attachment
he kisses you softly
seems to give into feelings he doesnt have
you draw closer still and look into his misleadingly warm eyes
you dont see his tame heart
because yours is numbed by his words

sorry for picking a long one

thank you for correcting my spelling, i guess spell check must have missed that one. i hope that you will use some of the words that you had to look up, its always good to widen one's vocabulary. (and im glad you thought my work wasn't just another brick in the wall)

please note, this was not about a girl or my life, it is about forced change and false security...kind of...

too true mate, too true.