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Send My Love to Heaven
I could still remember the first time we met; I was five years old then. It was windy afternoon having no one to play with except for my best friend, Troy. He and his family just moved out to transfer at a neighboring state because his father got promoted. And so I climb up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a family station wagon following it. I stopped in the front of the house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when out came the loveliest girl I’ve seen. She was four years old that time but then even at early age she was a beauty. She had long curly hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes could make man lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to look when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back and watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. And so I went to the edge of the ladder and said “Would you like to come up?” she answered, “May I?” So I helped her climb up and when she reached the top she then turned to me and said, “By the way, my name’s Sam, what’s yours?” I answered, “My name is Christopher but then you can call me Christ.” She smiled and said, “Well I like your name. Hey your tree house’s neat! “Then I replied, “Thanks! Troy and I made this. This used to be our hide out. We used to goof around, play ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss him you know. “She smiled and said, “I’m here now, we could do things you do with Troy and I could be your best friend too. I never a boy for a friend so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does that sound to you? “I smiled and said, “Well that sounds good enough.” Then she held her hand and said, “It’s a deal then!” So that’s how it started.
So we became best friend and it was a kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming at the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was I who talk to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which having to lose a week’s allowance. I remember the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and give it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.
The lake was our favorite hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other’s dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.
As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simply crush case. But when I started thinking of her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me s alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel tingling sensation in my spine. Once, when we were on the lake having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let her go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.
Many times I deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I’d try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I’m taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feeling hidden.
So we became best friend and it was a kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming at the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was I who talk to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which having to lose a week’s allowance. I remember the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and give it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.
The lake was our favorite hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other’s dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.
As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simply crush case. But when I started thinking of her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me s alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel tingling sensation in my spine. Once, when we were on the lake having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let her go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.
Many times I deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I’d try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I’m taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feeling hidden.
We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches wherever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance mixed feelings of anger and hurt because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know her I feel about her as much as losing her.
Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of the campus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team which Mark was the captain. When I saw them walking together at the paring lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw her wave at me but I just might see in my eyes the pain I’m feeling inside because of seeing her with another guy.
Those days that followed where the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her side. Every time we meet in hallways and I see him around her, there’s a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile long for her to cast on me was now casted on him as she passes by me she doesn’t know that I whisper the words “GOD KNOWS HOW I LOVE YOU.”
Then one faithful day they broke up. She came to me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it ended with their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe I would have the chance to tell her my true feeling for her but then I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out on just for him. At that time. I was not quite of what I wanted to do.
So we found our selves doing what we did in old days with our Saturday swim routine, spending time in our tree house. We still enjoy doing childish pranks for we still are both young at heart.
So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn’t bring myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her I love her. So I just kept my feelings eve if it was busting to be expressed from my aching heart.
It was a week from our Js Prom; we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after our afternoon swim when she said, “I was wondering Chris if you would like to be my partner?” I just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. I took me a while to answer her, “I thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?” So she turned away and quietly said, “Well I jus though I would like to spend the night with my best friend.” Then she continued with a whisper I could barely hear, “Don’t you want to die just like them to be my partner Chris?” I was too stunned to speak for it came close for me to blunt my feelings for her. We were silent for a while until I finally whispered, “I would happy o be your partner Sam.” Then she smiled and suddenly kissed my checked. I could hardly contain the joy I felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head. Suddenly she stood up and run towards the water saying, “last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!” I ran slowed so that I would lose which mean having to have her with me for another three hours or more.
Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost entire bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam’s mother greeted me and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was talking to her father when I heard her say, “how do I look?” I look up and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened he corsage around her wrist and whispered, “To the loveliest girl in the whole world.” She then asks, “Is that true?” I nodded and she smiled and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her.
When we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxe4dos and gowns. Then I held out her hand bowed and said, “Would you give me the honor for your first dance?” she laughed and curtseyed. Hen I led her to the dance floor.
It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found my self lost as I stared down o her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair were like waves enhancing her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell her that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but I wanted to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and the magic was gone. I came close to her telling her, but still haven’t done it.
We walk towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I ask her if she wanted a dink, she nodded and so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I return to our table, she was gone. I ask her friend, Katie, where she was but she told me that she doesn’t know. So I went and search for her.
As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhouette figures outlined by the moon’s silver light. They were so close to each other. I could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the gymnasium. Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking tome but I never gave her a chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn’t return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into my house. In the hallways, as she approaches I would go to another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.
The date of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the programmed ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me. There was something in her eyes I couldn’t describe. There was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn’t the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but she turned and walk away from me.
So I move out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I could not stop my self from loving her. Each achievement I have was done for her. I thought that if I will be successful one ay, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I’m worthy having her.
It was a year after or gradation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperately to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her.
I reached their house; I saw her older sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn’t smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful just like my dear Sam. I then asked, “Hi Jen! I guess you’re surprised why I’m here. Well I just want to visit you and I was also hoping to see Sam. I king of miss her you know. Ummmm………. By the way have you seen her?” all I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly “Come follow me.”
I was confused with the way she’s acting but still I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but just answered my questioned briefly. Then realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree Sam and I used to climb. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It’s been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. The Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, “There’s Sam.”
I look at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw and desperately tired convincing my self that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up.
I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanation and slowly started saying, “It has been a week since she died. She died of Leukemia, but even though she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked s to bury her here for she always regards this place of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give you this. “She handed me a parcel and with that she left.”
I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading……..
THE LETTER OF SAM....
I know by this time you read this letter I’m gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside, something I kept from all these years. I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with. I have always love you even from the start. I guess it just a bloomed each day that’s why the happiest days of my life was when you were by my side. You just don’t know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you are with me. When you are away, I can’t stop crying because I’m afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just can’t bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all myself. I may sound shellfish but that’s how I feel. Each time you held me close to you was lie a dream coming true for to be close to you and feel your hear beating next to mine was heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to fool myself that you’re in love with me too. So many nights I’ve cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might think that what I’m saying are lies but, I tell you, y hear speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling lie o one I love.
I know I might be thinking of Mark but I just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagine that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel something for me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know how would you react and with that I’ll know that you love me too. But I failed for you didn’t give me any clue. When our prom night came, you just don’t know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it’s you whom I really love. What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you gave me a chance to do so. You continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I’ve experienced that time. I felt the world crushing on me. In our graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I love you but I decided that I just couldn’t do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left.
Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, still I want you to know that I always love you and my heart has always been and will be yours alone.
P.S.
Think of me sometimes….and always remember that loving you was the best thing ever happen in my life…
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I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to tell her now that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt, touching the soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, “Oh God, send my love to heaven.”
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