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 Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 12:57 pm
The unhappily named Paul Paulson was a man of grim nature. No matter what he did, every time his name was uttered, someone giggled. Hell, convicts giggled. But that was okay with Paul Paulson. It gave him more of a reason to try to convince people to send them to jail.
In fact, that was what Paul Paulson was doing right now. He pored over legal textbooks, looking for precedents, and reviewed the contents of stern looking manila folders. When people weren't calling Paul Paulson 'The Prosecution' or 'That guy with a really funny name' they called him 'The Shark' because he acted predatorial. He always kept his eyes open and never stopped trying to find ways to make people go to prison. It was both his career and his passion, and sometimes he could get too involved in it. So he hadn't noticed the muffin on his table was a month old when he had packed it for lunch, and as he bit into it, the last thought he would remember having was I didn't think muffins were that shade of green.
Then he fainted.
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Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 6:18 pm
Even the spirits working for the powers that be snickered as they pulled the unconscious Paul Paulson into their realm. Repairing the internal damage caused by a moldy muffin and setting his body down in a bed on a small ship, a soft chain upon his neck. Meanwhile, his soul was taken off to bond with a deity who'd probably be quite offended with the state of that muffin.
When the man woke up, there was a purple skinned, brown haired, red bellhop uniformed woman sitting cheerfully beside him. As he started to stir, she grinned broadly and waved, not realizing she was probably going to get yelled at for kidnapping or something. "HIIIIIIIIIIIIII MISTER!"
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Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:35 pm
Paul Paulson looked around groggily, his lawyerly nature taking over. Girl. Bellhop? Not an employee. Surroundings, not his office. He scanned the area. Someone, somewhere, was going to have to pay, and the only person close to hand seemed to be the girl, who he noted had purple skin. Ah... Things began to make more sense.
"Drug? Experimental, you took it, turned purple want to sue?" He looked grim and rubbed his temples. However he got here, he had a client. "I hope you didn't sign a release form, but if you did, we can say it was forged. My fees are by the hour, plus expenses." He ran his gaze over her impassively and added "Also, where am I?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 10:00 pm
Cami blinked at him a few times. "Drugs? Oh no, I don't take nooooo drugs. Exceeeeeeept the tranquilizers but those are perscription. I'm purple cause I was born that way. Don't know nobody named sue. I'm just supposed to tell you that you're gonna have a baby." the woman commented cheerfully.
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Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 6:15 pm
He blinked. Now the situation was totally different. Obviously this woman had kidnapped him to do some sort of illegal experimenting or rape him. He weighed his options and finally reached into his jacket, pulling out a slim legal volume and a tape recorder. "I must warn you, anything you say can be used against you in court." he told her seriously. "And if you try to make a move on me, I CAN injure you in self defense." He didn't look like he was joking. He looked like the kind of manful of repressed anger who studied fighting for years just for the moment when he would be able to legally beat somebody up. His manly brow furrowed as he measured his opponent. He could take her.
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 6:16 pm
"I deedn't do nothin illegal. Well, here anyway. Anything else I may have previously done I have already been prosecuted for and the results of those trials are on record in the courthouses of six different planets. Now, with you I ain't done nothin. Just sittin here doin my job - which is telling people who are put here that they are gonna have necklace babies."
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:01 pm
Paul frowned. "Babies don't come from necklaces." he said simply. It was a cold, hard fact in Paul's world. Babies coming from necklaces would be silliness, and silliness had to be trampled into the dust until it bled. "Impossible." With that sorted, he studied her once more. Insane, she must be insane. And she had a criminal record. He began trying to think of ways he could sue her for suspiciously being here at the same time as him.
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:26 pm
"Whatever you say. When that necklace turns into a baby in a few days, you can say that all you like." the woman replied cheerfully, "Anything else you needed to know before I send you home?"
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Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 2:36 pm
Paul shook his head. The sooner he could get back to his legal studies the better. Time was money and he had none to spare on crazy women and jewelry. "But if anything illegal happens, I will find and eliminate you." He said it dispassionately. It was a fact.
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 12:15 pm
"Whatever you say, Mister. Though I could kinda take you to court for terroristic threats. Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, go stand on the floaty plate on the floor, close your eyes and count to ten."
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Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 7:21 pm
Paul Paulson smiled a grim smile. He liked seeing people take interest in the law almost as much as he liked making the law crush them. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his card and handed it to her. "If you ever need to sue me my rates are very reasonable." he told her gravely. "I'll make sure to make me pay, the b*****d." He then got onto the very silly and therefore totally inappropriate floaty plate and counted to ten.
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Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 12:58 pm
When his eyes opened up again, he was back home. And it seemed, once he touched his stale muffin, it became fresh again. Which was totally silly and not at all something Paul would like.
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