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 Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 2:09 pm
So I have alot of issues right now.
I'm debating to stop talking to one of my best friends.
I'm never want to leave school and go home.
And to top it all off. . . I want to be a mother.
It's a pretty long story.
Starts about four years ago, my mom had this BEST friend, she even lived with us. She was practically my second mother. We all (Me, my parents, my sister and the friend.) would hang together, go shopping, play video games, practically anything. Until one night.
My sister was gone at a rely for life thing, and me my mom, dad, and the friend were at home. All of a sudden my dad takes my mom upstiars to tell her something, that the friend was carrying my dads baby. I had no clue what was going on. My mom started running back and forht between the kitchen and bathroom getting razors and knifes, trying to kill herself, my dad following her trying to get her to stop. The friend would not tell my anythign that was going on.
A few hours later my dad comes down to tell the friend that she should leave, so she did. And then my dad went back upstairs, where my mom was packing bags, and starting yelling at her.
Soon enough my mom told me to pack bags for me and my sister, she told me we were going to leave. But that didn't work out my dad just left to go to the friends house with her. He stayed there for a bout a month. My mother at that time wouldn't eat or sleep. all she did was drink beer.
Later, my mom takes my dad back. Why? I'm still yet to know. Now. . .
•They Fight All the time.
•My dad thinks he's just flat out all that, I think it's because he won my mom back.
•They have sex nearly all the time, it seems the only thing holding them together. |:
So I'm pretty messed up from having to go through all of that.
Now to the friend.
See, I'm more of one of those loud obnoxious people. I've always been that way, but still I've matured alot from where I was before, just because what I went through.
Now my frined, is annoying the living out of me. She's allways so immature. and to add to it the only time I'm allowed to talk to my boyfriend, she YELLS at me, saying that I'm dissing her when I talk to her all the time!
It's simply really getting on my nerves.
Now to motherness.
Well obviously theres this guy, I'll tell you about him. His name is Thor, he just turned sixteen. He's a really funny guy, and very romantic. :]
So my story with him. Well.. . . How I got with him, out of pity acually. I never wanted to date him. My freind was dating his friend and we always hung out together. And soon enough I was told that he liked me and my frined was always trying to get me to date him, then one night we were all hanging out together and he looked so sad every time he glanced at me . . . So I finally said yes. So, out of pitty. |:
Me and him ended up really close, it toke a while. But eventually, we went far. We did something we shouldn't have (Take a guess). And well, our condom broke, and we were both scared crapless. So we made a deal, he could talk to someone about it and so would I. But, even though with our efforts not for this to happen, it got out. Soon enough, my sister was told. Then one night she got mad at me and told my parents. They flipped. Then grounded me. I figured it was no biggie. Everyone can get threw groundation but then. My mom read my diary. Now she know's EVERYTHING me and him have ever done. I didn't want to deal with that. . .
So I called up Thor, and told him I was running away. He tried to convince me not to, but failed. So he toke me to an abandoned building to stay in. And told me three days from then, me adn him would run away togther.
BUT, my fathers a cop, and he had EVERYBODY looking for me, I soon enough was found, and arrested.
So, from all this happening Thor parents found out about me and thor,, , ,You know. And told Thor that if he didn't break up with me, he'd have to go back living with his mother, whom he hates, so he broke up with me. Days later I find out I'm pregnant.
I tell him, he doesn't care. He stops talking to me, the last thing he said, "It's for the better." But ever day he started coming to school with blood shot eyes, his frined stold me, over the baby.
In november, the baby dies, due to all the stress I had for losing Thor PLUS the stress from my parents fighting. I'm the worst ever. I couldn't een eat without feeling sick I seriously just fell apart.
About a month later, me and my dad get into a fist fight. I get send to this place, Belmont Pines, instead of going to jail.
I get home in a week.
Go to school.
And Thor talks to me for the first time in months.
Only asking if I was okay.
EVENDENTLY, he as across the street at a friends house when me adn my dad were fighting, I ended up with a concusion, and I was in a strecher being put in a an abulance. He tells be, it litterally felt like his heart just fell out when he saw this.
He starts writing me notes, saying all this stuff aboput how he never stopped caring, how he wished he could take it all back, and how he wished I'd give him a second chance.
I gave him his second chance.
I figured having him back, I'd be fine.
Til', I started having these dreams, of giving birth, now I want the baby I once had back.
I was completly ready for that kid, but my baby ended up dying. And that baby was the only thing keeping me from killing myself (I tryed to three times). Just because I always thought of the fact that I was going to be a mother....
I don't know what to do with all this. D:
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Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:15 pm
this is really hard for you to deal with by yourself. You need to tell a trusted adult about this. Try seeing a therapist maybe? all of these things happening must be awful. Having an outsider with no opinion about anyone will help you. If you can't get a therapist, maybe talk to a trusted teacher? Does your school have social workers? Your very brave from being able to go through all of this and it must be extremely hard. you shouldn't have to bare all of this by yourself. talk to someone (an adult) and maybe they can help.
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Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 12:30 am
wow , im sorry to hear that this happened to you . && about that Thor
guy , he is a jerk . if he really cared for you that much , he would not have broke up
with you but even if he did , he wouldnt stop all communications to you .
JUst forget that guy && start over .
about your friend , well . just tell her how you feel in a nice way . Try saying , i got my own life too
&& im not dissing you , but im not soul-ly commited to you . Give me space . blla-bla
&& about the baby , i understand how tht could leave you with a trauma but you gotta
let it go . regretting it will only cause you pain . Just think of it as fate && whts past is past .
start all over . && goodluck (= *hugggs* =3
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Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 5:48 am
@sweetie gal ◘ I'm seeing a consolur already because of being in diversion. It doesn't helpl whatsoever in anything |:
@Maxx • Hmm, but see I talk to Thor all the time, and every time he trys to convince me that he's an a*****e, and he doesn'tr see why I think he's not. And now, liike last night I was talking to him over the phone, about why I should think of him as an a**, and he simply said he shouldn't have listened to his mom, therefore, he shouldn't of split up with me.
I shall try that with my friend, I think it's bound to work.
Hte baby, well I really don't believe in fate. |: so I can't really think of it like that.
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Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 4:26 pm
Wow you have a lot of issues in your life. I know your life is hard but having a baby is not the best thing to do. Wait till you have a good education and enough money to support him or her. Having a baby will only make your family fall apart more and Thor's parents will probably make sure that he is away from you when you have the baby. You have to learn how to live for yourself. You are worth it. Keep living your life and things will eventually get better.
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Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 7:12 pm
Keep your head up. Take things one day at a time. Be with your friends and the ones that care about you. About your mom and dad, their problems are theirs. And about Thor, if he really cares, he will show it, no matter what others think. You are the only one who knows where your heart's at with him. Pray and things will work out. Talk to someone about your problems, someone with an open mind and willing to help you through all this. Good luck sweetie *hug* I know it's hard but things will get better, just keep the faith that everything will work out for the best.
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Posted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 7:53 am
I'm sorry to hear you have had a rough life V__V Its not fair that you have to go through that. I'm pretty sure it will make you stronger and wiser later on in life.
-I don't think having a baby will make anything any better. That requires a lot of responsibility and its hard for just ONE person to take care of a child. I'm not doubting you wouldn't be able to handle it BUT what if Thor leaves again? Then your alone AGAIN and its just you and a baby. I agree with meleny7. You need to get a GOOD education and find a decent job. Even if you get a Certificate in something its better than having JUST a HS Diploma. That way you save money and MOVE out and then have your baby. You'll be able to support the child and you =)
-As for your goofy friend : yeah I would sit her down and tell her. "hey i'm sorry if you think i'm ignoring you but I'm not. I just NEED space and I need to try and figure out things. We'll always be friends but right now I need to concentrate more on me. If your my friend you'll let me try to figure things out." I had a psycho friend who thought I was "DISSING" her all the time. Yeah we broke up as friends and she still hates me to this day. We we broke up 8th grade I think? I don't know but were 22 now and in college and when she passes me in the hall she still calls me b***h stare She is so immature xd
- For your mom and dad issue. JUST STAY OUT OF IT is the BEST advice I can tell you. I"m serious. Just STAY away. That's their arrow problem. My parents are divorced and I've learned the hard way to JUST KEEP AWAY.
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