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 Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 1:40 pm
As some of you may have seen, I recently posted a topic about having a crush and low self-esteem at the same time. *points* You can see my big rant-story thing there, since I'd rather not type it all out again.
Lately, as in since whenever I decided that I do like Thomas and that I couldn't stop that anymore, I've been trying really hard to be happier. It's not easy, but I've been making a conscious effort towards it. It may have helped, it may not have. I'm not sure.
But today in World History, that kinda all fell apart.
I also wrote in the other thread that, in the beginning of the year, Morgan asked me if I liked Thomas. Now I know why.
I don't remember the conversation that led to it, I don't really want to. But Morgan and I somehow got to talking about crushes. Of course, I didn't say anything about Thomas. I'm not that crazy. But then she said that Thomas had had a crush on her for a few years. They went to middle school together and have been friends a long time. Being the actress that I am when I feel bad, I laughed and said "Seriously?" while grinning. Inside I was screaming and losing it.
I wanted to have a breakdown right then. It'd been almost a week since I'd had a really bad breakdown and started sobbing, probably because I was making an effort to feel better, but this just tore me apart. I'm pretty sure that when Morgan asked me if I liked him in the beginning of the year, it was so she could warn me before I got in too deep and couldn't back out; I love her to bits, she's a sweet friend. BUT. It's a bit late now.
He's asked her out four times. She's told him no, but they're still friends. I know what it's like to have a long-term crush. It doesn't go away for a long time. I've lost almost all hope in this now. I know it's irrational. I know I should just suck it up and get over it. I can't. I choose friends very carefully, and do my best not to develop feelings for them. It didn't work with Thomas. He's sweet, funny, and nice. I tried to not fall for him. I hate feeling vulnerable, and usually can't open myself up to others. Now that I started to open up, I got hurt. It was like this last time; I tried to open up, got hurt. Except I didn't feel as strongly towards the person the first time as I do now with Thomas.
I feel like I'm losing it.
Later in the class, Morgan and I went to the front of the room to turn in our work, and Thomas wandered up to us to talk as our teacher looked over the paper. I still smiled and acted like I was okay. That's another thing about me; I can't tell people how I really feel most of the time. I smiled and laughed, but I was carefully watching him, trying to figure everything out.
I'm torn apart. This was one of my main reasons to try and feel better, and now that I'm losing it, I feel like all my progress I've made on it has been erased. Back to square one, except I just feel that much worse.
Help me, please.
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Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 3:56 pm
you can't throw those feelings out the window in one night. old habits die hard. and really it is ok to have feelings for him
one great way in getting past it is by starting small. try to disillusion yourself peice by piece.
a good way to start is just to negotiate between your feelings and your goals. For example: decide now that things can change and that there is hope for the future, whether it's with Thomas or not. after all, you have already been strong enough to have a desire to get over him and just be friends.
after you feel like you truly believe that, move on to the next thing
if, after you've gotten that far, you're not sure what the next steps ought to be, then just ask here. im positive many people would be happy to share their ideas
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Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 4:29 pm
I've been trying to get over him since before I liked him. .__.;;
But I understand what you're saying.
However, I've gotten advice from other gaia friends, too, and I have been considering just coming out and telling him that I like him. My friend Serenith helped me decide to, and gave me a couple of tips, etc.
I'm thinking about doing it this Friday, while everyone's waiting for their buses. I'm planning on walking to the bus lot with him and chatting, making sure my bus is there, and then saying something along the lines of "By the way, I like you," and getting out of there. .__.;; That'd give me the weekend to freak out, and him the weekend to go 'Wtf just happened?'
From there on I'd just hope for the best.
Any suggestions/advice on this? *nervousnervous*
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Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 4:54 pm
if you can, it'd be better to have an actual conversation with him.
just say something along the lines of "i'd like to hang out with you more often."
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Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 4:32 pm
i think june-iful is rite its WAY better to have a real conversation with him.bcuz sometimes when its time to do the whole quickly tell him u like it u chicken out and dont tel him and ending up running away.So you shuld have a conversation (in person NOT online that ends up pretty bad trust me been there done that) with him theres always that possibilty that he does like u and is using ur friend as a shield to hide his real feelings
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:34 pm
I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to this. My computer's broken. ._.;;
Well, I was planning on just sticking it into a conversation. I mean, we chat sometimes while going to the buses, and my bus is always there before his. xD;; And we talk a lot throughout the day.
I'm not really sure the hanging out thing would work, though. We're at a super-tough school, so there's barely any free time every. ._.;; (But I am trying to organize a trip to the movies next weekend with him, Morgan, and two other friends of mine)
And Renesmee, no offense, but I KNOW that's not true. XD;; He's liked Morgan for a really long time, and he liked her before he'd even met me. o-o;;
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 8:02 pm
getting a time to hang out with him is great, but even if it is hard to make happen, it's still worth just letting him know you want to spend time with him.
just tell him "i'd really like to hang out with you sometime."
and try asking regularly like once every monday or something just ask him "are you free any time this week?"
then after a month or so he'll come to expect the question, it'll let him know just how much you want to be with him without annoying him and you'll be on his mind a little more often
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Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 5:16 pm
Hmm...
I see your point.
I actually had a good oportunity to have a weekly time with him a while back, before I liked him, and now I've lost my way. XD I had an invite into his 'band' as a guitarist, but now that I play bass instead of plain old electric guitar, there is no need for me. xP (He plays bass, too. Two basses=not good. xD)
If I do hang out with him, it'd probably be with some of my other friends there, too, or at least at first. I mean, we'd probably be a bit awkward and run out of conversation for a while if nobody else was there. xD Plus, he and Ian get along well(although Ian has a death wish for Thomas. xD), so I could invite both of them somewhere. c:
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 5:13 pm
there is a guy i really like. Kinda the same issue.. I tend not to listen to frinds and just do what i feel is right
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Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2009 11:40 pm
cool, but like it doesn't even have to start some conversation, you could just be passing in halls and you just breifly get his attention. a few sentences are spoken. you both smile and say "see ya later"
and one of these days, you're bound to eventually ask on a lucky week
i guess my point in saying this is you don't necessarily need some usual extended hang-out time, it just has to be regular to some degree
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Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 2:24 pm
Don't abandon all hope because of that. Instead of thinking of Thomas' little infatuation that he supposedly has on Morgan, think of how she rejected him, and how you still have a chance. Try to become even better friends with him, and soon he'll like you back. You just have to be happy and positive. Perhaps not so much that its annoying, just nice and talkative. Sooner or later you'll become very good friends, and maybe he'll like you.
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