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 Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 7:22 pm
here is a poem I wrote in like 9th grade:
btw i know it's bad
The Doctor
There's a hole in your heart
the doctor said
and if it keeps growing
you'll soon be dead
I stared at the doctor
i looked in his eye
with the faintest hope
he was telling a lie
But he's telling the truth
how can this be?
i just cant believe
this is happening to me
I can tell that he's sorry
by the look in his eyes
he stands up, holds his head,
then sits down and sighs
It's caused by, he says,
my feelings inside
"It might just get better"
he obviously lied
i feel like my stomach
has done a nose dive
my heartbreak is finally
eating me alive
But then i remember
this doctor's not real
I'm not really dying
thats just how i feel
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Posted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 10:09 am
The overall message was pretty good. But I cant really say anything other then that...Cause I dont really know how to analyze poetry.
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 7:07 pm
Thanks, its not really very deep though... I wrote it in like 10th grade
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Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 9:04 pm
Well, I think that if you keep at it that you could become a beast at it.
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Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 1:30 pm
Eviesee645 here is a poem I wrote in like 9th grade: btw i know it's bad The Doctor There's a hole in your heart the doctor said and if it keeps growing you'll soon be dead I stared at the doctor i looked in his eye with the faintest hope he was telling a lie But he's telling the truth how can this be? i just cant believe this is happening to me I can tell that he's sorry by the look in his eyes he stands up, holds his head, then sits down and sighs It's caused by, he says, my feelings inside "It might just get better" he obviously lied i feel like my stomach has done a nose dive my heartbreak is finally eating me alive But then i remember this doctor's not real I'm not really dying thats just how i feel Well. It has a decent rhyming pattern, it keeps its meter, and it stays on topic. The topic is something generalized so everyone can understand it. Overall it's actually pretty good. I'd submit to a poet society thing or something and see how far it actually gets. Slightly off-topic I was born with a hole in my heart. No literally there was a physical hole there. lol
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Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 8:54 pm
aww thanks
maybe I'll try to submit it to the literary magazine at my school
wow, that sounds scary, is it safe? did it heal?
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Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 8:55 pm
Eviesee645 aww thanks maybe I'll try to submit it to the literary magazine at my school wow, that sounds scary, is it safe? did it heal? I had it checked for the first time a while ago and they didn't find anything wrong with it so.
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