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A section from a novel Im writing.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:15 pm


(This is a little part of a novel I'm writing. In this part you will see a purely sinister and dark hearted man find love and with love gaining the knowledge to recover purity.)


She didn’t move even though he pointed his sword at her, “Do it” She whispered and moved closer to him and the sword looking into his eyes. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t shove his blade through her stomach like the five hundred others he’s slain, “What have you done to me? Is this some kind of curse?” He said and dropped his sword in true defeat, The feeling he had in his stomach was one he was never taught. He loved her but didn’t realize it, How could he?, his father never showed his mother love. He was always kept in the kingdom and never saw anyone with that kind of connection. All he was taught was the mating process and how you keep life going.
She moved closer to him, her eyes on his, “You fool” She said and stepped right in front of him and leaned over to kiss him. Jean winced away but then let it come to him. He let her kiss him. He felt warm, warm and not alone. He felt as though he had been lost in a dark forest all his life and someone had finally found him. Complete bliss came over him. For the first time in his whole life, He didn’t want to fight, Didn’t fear anything and he didn’t have his fathers ghost telling him how to act. It was just her and him consuming his universe.
She leaned away and smiled, “What is this?” Jean asked, “It’s love.”
PostPosted: Sat Jan 10, 2009 2:23 pm


And then he beheld the true evil. The lies of men himself, The one that sins and makes sins. He stood upon a gold throne with two others and he knew their name well. The wars of men and the cruelty of men. They stood tall before jean and he looked straight at them, “You wish for the downfall of my race but see this, There will be a time when we will break free of our sins and defeat ourselves, Because you see man is born pure and we will band together to fight you” Then lies of men in human form stared down at me and laughed and grimaced, “Men are easily corrupted, Have you not seen your brethren fight each other and have you not seen yourself in the past and your hatred to your fellow man, Your race is one of hate that will destroy itself”
He then took out his sword and stood as a mortal and a servant of light and justice and the will of men the justice that wouldn’t go down without a fight for this time he was prepared to battle with himself and the hatred of himself for if that did not happen all would be lost. If he did not realize his place and not just fight for himself but fight for everyone that the battle would be over and the human race would have proven to be truly evil and not worthy of it’s place. The mind of men may be easily corrupted but the power of light can change that. He has witnessed that first hand in his own life. He gave faith in himself.
His eyes started to glow an unearthly light and his body became rigid strong. He opened his eyes wide and his sword started to also glow an unearthly light and he walked forward, took his sword and lunged his sword deep into his own stomach and put his hands out, “I will do this for my brethren and my planet, for they are worthy” And as he did this yensys, the lies of men trembled, “No, you fool. You will Sacrifice your own life for those evil people? you have seen their shame!” Jean then looked at the mans face in pity and in his last breathe said, “I have witnessed the evil of men and their potential to be corrupt but I have also witnessed their potential to be good. I will sacrifice myself for them for I am a testament of how people can change” And when his spirit left his body the room shifted and started to crumble, lies, War and cruelty of man trembled once more and walked forward to jean and knocked his corpse over and yelled screaming because they knew their demise was near. They started disintegrating slowly into black dust, “This isn’t the end, you can’t destroy us, we will return” was their final words and they vanished into darkness and oblivion.




The day broke and Rachel came out of her bed and looked around, “Sister wake up, wake up” Her sister yawned and looked up at her, “What?” she said tired and weary, “Did you just feel that, It’s as though I just felt complete bliss and warmth and hope. I feel like I need to go out and live my life to it’s fullest. There is something about this day that I really like” And her sister got up and opened her eyes wide, “That’s strange. I feel the same way. Maybe we should go back home, We have spent enough time here” they both nodded in agreement and packed their things for their journey home.


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Matasoga
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Wailing Abomination

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 9:48 pm


The dialogue is kind of stiff...And is the protagonist the same in both posts? He sounds awfully self-righteous for a killer, if he is.
PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 12:00 am


Matasoga
The dialogue is kind of stiff...And is the protagonist the same in both posts? He sounds awfully self-righteous for a killer, if he is.


They are two different people but the same person. I totally changed the writing style so these two posts are out of date, I need to change them. They also have holes....


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