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 Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:42 am
Well earlier this year I had a boyfriend. He was really nice and knew how to treat a woman, but ended up cheating on with a guy and the relationship kind of plummeted into a spiral of stuff that has already been settled.
Well Labor Day I invited him over my house for a cookout cause my parents said I could invite some friends over. Well first he was very clingy lol but then we walked around the neighborhood and I told him that I knew he was a liar and that he was confused way before he texted me that he was gay and that I would have broke up with him two weeks into the relationship if he would have answered his phone. Well yeah so he felt like an a** and I loved every moment of it cause he brown noses alot lol.
Well I am apart of this organization that I am Chair for, and well he joined too and this was about one month from Labor Day. Well then he starts to try and hit on me and stuff and it is like "OK??? You are gay" so just to mess with him I would say "You lost your chance with this fine sista" (from Bringing Down the House I love that quote) Well he tried to hit on me often, but I have gay friends who play around like that.
Well at an event to give out toys to poor kids and I had to leave early to visit my dying uncle once removed. He hugged me and said if I wasn't tryin to talk to (name referred to as the Dino) Dino he would try to go out with me. Well I am not talking to Dino, and I told him so he did the most corny romantic thing ever. ( I think romance is gay, so I can be pretty gay at times lol)
Well he said lets start over and he introduced himself and I did the same. Then he asked if I would go out with him and I said I would text you and he said "well you don't have my number, here let me give it to you" I told him I had it and he replied, "Shut up we are starting over" so after a week on X-Mas Day I told him that I would go out with him. And I am planning on hanging out with him, well I want to know if there is a way to make sure that he is not confused anymore and that he won't cheat on me cause last time he did it at the wrong time when he knew I was going through some things so, yeah. Was I too nice to give him a second chance? You have to give someone a chance to prove they are not confused right? Advice Please? =D
(Since I have no problem dating bi people I said (jokingly to friends) that they wouldn't be bi any longer if they are with me lol. I just never thought it would happen lol)
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Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 4:30 pm
No, there is no magical way to make sure he won't cheat again. If there was one thing we could do to make sure our partners wouldn't cheat, well, a lot less people would get cheated on.
I think it's fine to give someone a second chance, as long as it doesn't turn into a third chance, fourth chance, fifth chance, and so on. In other words, if someone makes a serious habit out of cheating, let them go. But if it's a one time thing, then you can certainly try to work through it.
Whatever his sexual preference may be, it sounds like he simply gave in to temptation. Mistakes happen, and temptation is there no matter what our sexual preference is. He's just going to have to learn (if he hasn't already) that he doesn't need to experiment with everyone to find himself or to find out what his sexual preference is. And he'll have to learn to control himself. As tempting as it may be to give in to a moment of passion, we often have to hold back if we don't want to risk losing our partner over it.
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Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 5:25 pm
thanks for the advice but I don't want a magic potion to make sure he doesn't cheat but that he doesn't lie to me about his sexuality, because about two days in I asked if he was gay and he said no i asked if he was bi he said no. He said he was straight and we talked about his gay past and yeah lol. So is there way that I can make sure that he is telling me the truth or if there is a test ( I highly doubt this lol).
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Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:13 pm
Nope, there's no way to tell for sure if he's being honest. If your boyfriend is attracted to you, he's probably not gay. He might be bisexual, but that shouldn't make a difference in terms of whether he stays with you and remains faithful to you. It's possible that he's straight even if he's done stuff with another guy before. Sometimes we do things with people that we're not attracted to just because the act itself feels good. But those aren't the only three labels out there. There are lots more because many people don't feel like they fit into any of those three categories very well. And many people avoid labels altogether. If you want to learn more about different labels and sexualities, I recommend ---Fluid--- the guild for all sexualities- Whether you be straight, gay, asexual, pansexual, lesbian, transsexual, autosexual, bisexual, polyamorous, genderfluid, something else, or something undefined. That might be a guild he'd benefit from too if he's a Gaian. But it sounds like you might be putting a lot of unnecessary emphasis on labels. All in all, it doesn't matter what label, if any, he wants to use. All that matters is that he's attracted to you and faithful to you. But if he is unsure about whether he's attracted to you or whether he could stay faithful to you, then you might need to let him stay single for a while to figure it out.
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Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 2:31 am
I agree with Lorien. If it happened once, you can give him another chance, but don't let it turn into multiple chances. My boyfriend and I are both straight, but I told him almost from the beginning that if I ever caught him cheating or found out that he was, I'd be gone and he'd lose me for good.
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 8:51 pm
Thank You! I appreciate all of your comments 3nodding
lol I think I may just have a fear of opening up to others in a relationship cause there is so much pressure. What is this pressure? I don't know. Where is it coming from? I think from myself lol but we are talking and I decided to go out with him again so like we are together lol I can't say that without giggling lol
Oh and I am apart of that guild and I love it I think it is so educational. I joined it like a year or so ago when I was confused.
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