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Radioactive Applesauce Vice Captain
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 Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 3:22 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 3:28 pm
The Cow's Moo
One morning a cow was gonna moo but oinked...
one afternoon the cow tried to moo again all that came out was a big OINK!!!!!!!!!!
next morning all the cows tried to moo but all the farmers heard was a oink and the pigs went moo the farmers were really mad.The first cow that went oink was flying!!!!!!!!!!!
the end
Posted by HolyGodsSpear
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Radioactive Applesauce Vice Captain
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Radioactive Applesauce Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 3:30 pm
What's cheese that's not yours?
NAC-HO CHEESE!
rofl
Posted by Pretty When I Cry
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Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 3:41 pm
When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot. This parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, extremely rude.
Bill tired hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. Exasperated he yelled at the bird. But the bird just got louder. Then he hit the parrot. But the bird just got more angry and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Bill put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming. Then suddenly all was quiet. Bill was frightened that he might have killed his dead uncle's prized parrot and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Bill's extended arm and said: "I'm truly sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, and I humbly ask your forgiveness. I will now, from this day forth, endeavour to correct my behaviours so that such ill-conceived outbursts never again occur.
Bill was completely astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had caused such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?
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Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 4:33 pm
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?)
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," replied the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
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Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 3:35 pm
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are out on the range camping and decide to turn in for the night. Unbeknownst to the Lone Ranger a rattlesnake had crawled into his sleeping bag, and when the Lone Ranger got into bed he scared the snake. The snake struck out, biting the Lone Ranger right on the end of his p***s.
The Lone Ranger jumps out of bed yelling for Tonto "TONTO!!!! A RATTLESNAKE BIT ME ON THE END OF MY p***s!!! GO AND GET THE DOCTOR!!!
Tonto says "Ugh... me get Doctor."
Tonto rides back into town and the first person he sees is the doctor, Tonto dismounts and says "Excuse me Doctor, We're in a bit of a fix here, you see the Lone Ranger has been bitten by a rattle snake and is in a great deal of discomfort."
The Doctor says back " I can't come right now so only you can save his life. You have to go back there and expose the area the snake bit. Then you have to make a seal over it using your lips, mouth and tongue. When you have it in your mouth you have to start to suck on it and keep sucking on it until all the poison comes out."
"Go and do it now or the Lone Ranger will die!"
Tonto get on his horse and rides back to camp. When he gets there the Lone Ranger is on the verge of panic. He yells at Tonto "Did you see the Doctor??"
Tonto says "Me see doctor"
Lone Ranger screams "what did the doctor say?"
Tonto grunts "Him say... you gonna die..."
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Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 3:53 pm
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.
However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.
Written in large black letters was the sentence. "Get well soon.....from the nurse in the jeep you pulled over last week."
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