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 Posted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 12:00 pm
A very very good friend of mine is getting married soon. He considers me to be his best friend. He told his fiance that he would like me to be a part of their wedding, so she asked me to be a bridesmaid. However, I think I am feeling a lot of hostility from her and her mother whenever I'm around to help out. They've put on a show of being very polite through the whole thing, but they aren't letting me really be a part of his wedding, while they're allowing the other members of the wedding party to help. They don't include me in any of the things they're doing except dress fittings and giving me the bare information so I somewhat know what is going on. Also, his fiance is very... territorial when I'm around. I do love him dearly, but not that way. He's always been more of a big brother to me than a lover.
Should I go with what my gut says and talk to him about it, or am I imagining things and just ignore it?
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Posted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 12:26 pm
I think that I'd have the same exact problem with one of my best friends if he hadn't made it clear to his fiance that we (my friend and I) are more like brother and sister than anything else. (seriously, we act like siblings all the time...)
Hmm.... for you, if you think it will become a bigger problem if it's not addressed, I'd say to talk to your friend, let him know what you're feeling and stuff. It may be nothing, but better safe than sorry, especially if this is who he's going to marry and you two still want to be friends. It's rather difficult to be friends with someone if someone they love doesn't like you.
I find it's better to be honest and open in the beginning than to try and pick up pieces and try to glue them back together after things have been going bad.
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Posted: Thu Dec 25, 2008 6:21 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 25, 2008 9:27 pm
I agree as well.
I hope all goes well.
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Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:13 am
I don't want to sound out of line, but you have to consider that once it all boils down, men don't mind too much about huge weddings and making sure the ceremony all works out the way they want it and stuff like that. Most of the ceremony is for the bride. I'd be willing to guess that your friend let his fiancee take the reins on this one, so it's really her wedding, not their wedding.
Talk to your friend, the least he can do is nothing, but you'll at least have made your point.
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Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:55 pm
Tell him, he needs to know if there will be tension in the future.
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Posted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:36 am
I think Silriel hit the nail on the head
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Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 12:48 pm
It has been a while since I posted the original problem...
I spoke with him about it a few days after posting this, and he told me I was imagining things and that everything was going fine. I still felt off about it though, but didn't say anything since he insisted nothing was wrong.
A few weeks ago, he contacted me and told me that his fiance' was extremely jealous of me to the point of making herself physically ill. She insisted that he end his friendship with me. So, I agreed to her terms so he would be happy and she would stop freaking out over it all. Told him that I wished him the best of luck, and that I'd miss him, but if it was going to make his life easier, I'd drop out of it. Deleted his numbers from my phone, along with his e-mail address from my account, etc...
The next day, he sent me an e-mail saying that she looked over our conversation and decided that I passed the test, and I was still allowed to be friends with him and that she said we could act like nothing happened.
I think that hurt more than anything else.
Needless to say, I haven't spoken with him since except to say that I wasn't going to keep playing this game, and wished them luck with their lives together
And that's what's happened since the original post a month ago.
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Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 5:04 pm
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sorrier for your friend, who is marrying someone very manipulative and controlling and who evidently doesn't trust him! sad I hope they'll both grow in the ways that they need to be happy.
I'm so sorry that you've lost such a good friend, though. They're hard to come by.
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Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 6:55 pm
I don't want to be a negative nelly, but if he can't see that is a problem with his fiance that makes him have to choose between being friends with you and marrying her, they should not get married.
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Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 2:38 pm
Ouch for your friend, Can't believe he loves someone that is so manipulative of those he hangs around with. I think if your love makes you choose a friend of them, then they're not worth having. They should like those you are friends with, and vice versa.
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Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 5:03 pm
Oh my goodness that is so sad!! I wish things had turned out differently for you, but everybody hear loves you. If you ever need to vent just PM me, I'm very good at listening. heart heart heart heart
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