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 Posted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 4:30 pm
Wrote this a couple years ago. I showed it to a couple people on a forum not long after writing it and was surprised by their responses. Critique everything, but I'm mostly wondering whether it makes much sense and what effect it has, if any.
Take my soul, for it is broken;
the heart that writes to you is crying.
Your prophet is sinking quickly,
and all i can do is watch, weeping.
The world brings misery to all,
but still life flourishes and grows.
If you will not take me away,
i shall wait until the day you come
and hope the light that's shining through
wipes the tears and brings all smiles.
And still i sit here in the dark
and wait to feel you inside and out.
Lord, please do not take far too long;
i sit, broke and blind, and cry for you.
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Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:09 pm
i dont really know what to say u need to improve on but i liked it
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