Welcome to Gaia! ::

Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".

Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

You buy two CB radios so you can talk to yourself.

Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

Your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, 'Bout What?'

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.

Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

Your parents met at a family reunion.

You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

And this is what they have on the mansion