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 Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 2:23 pm
the rains pouring down on me. its hiding my tears.i know and that hurts enough,if other people knew it would probably kill me.the silence,the solitude.i cant take it much longer.the pressure is getting to me.we had to say goodbye but my heart cant take it.im breaking down.i hold the gun tighter and put it to my head.my hands shaking,my heartbeat gets faster,my thought cant be focused.who would really care if i left this world any way,your the only one who loved me and your gone.i have no reason to live now.my minds wandering just like my heart.should i pul the trigger and end it,yes.its still raining but this time i have no tears,just two roses on my coffin.one is me one is you,one is blown off and i realize that once again im alone.
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Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:29 pm
Did you originally write it in paragraph form? It's a cool idea, though it was a little hard to read because of it. I would have loved to feel the gun at my temple. I'm a jerk about images, but they help a lot sometimes.
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Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:25 pm
I like th format you chose. I don't know if it's intentional, but it made the poem feel rushed; like everything is happening at once.
Damion; don't feel like a jerk, asking for something more from a poet is a good thing!
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Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 2:16 pm
wow thanks,i didnt expect good comments,i dont get alot of those especially about my form
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