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 Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 10:14 pm
Just post any god jokes you have everyone has their days when they just need a good laugh and we should be able to share out good laughts Rikonah I am willing to accept any joke so long as language not suitable for young viewers is marked out with signs. (EX.: F#@*) This will get the point accross without any danger to being banned from the guild. kristielizabeth Sorry about that, I will fix that when I get home, I am currantly at school and dont have the time, but all will be changed asap Should I quit putting jokes up? No one is telling me if they are good or bad or putting up their jokes...... i donno
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Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 10:17 pm
S#x Frogs, Only $20 Each
A young lady, goes to her local pet store in search of an
exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box
full of live frogs. The sign says: "S#x Frogs! Only $20
each! Money Back Guarantee! Comes with complete
instructions."
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching
her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll
take one." The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow
the instructions." The girl nods, grabs the box, and is
quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she reads
the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does
exactly what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very se%& nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and
allow the frog to follow its training.She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her
surprise, nothing happens!
The girl is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.
She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of
the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions,
please call the pet store." So, the lady calls the pet
store. The man says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The lady
welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything
according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits
there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares
directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm
only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
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Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 10:19 pm
The Evil Chain Letter....... ha ha ha ha
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to
send me your chain letters over the past few years. Thank you for
making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern. .
I no longer drink Starbucks as they don't support our troops.
I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
the rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain
will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
And I no longer sit down on any restaurant toilet seats because the
infamous butt spider could be nesting there and send me to a certain
death with one sting.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
(Jeeze, the BIBLE didn't mention it works that way!)
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!
I will now return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will Sh^# on your head at 5:00
PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your crotch
and your arms will be too short to scratch.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a
friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin and he's a lawyer.
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Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 10:22 pm
Black Testicles:
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,
still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour
surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears
to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he
mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles
black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know,
Sir. I'm only here
to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles
black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry
about his testicles,
she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls
back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his p***s in one hand and
his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them
around. Then, she takes a close look and says,
"There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and
says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but,
listen very, very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:37 pm
No Arms And No Legs There was a girl on a beach who had no arms and no legs. One day she started to cry her eyes out. There seemed to be no end to the tears. A guy walked up to her and asked her what was wrong. She replied, "I am 35, have no arms and no legs, and never been kissed before" So he bends down and gives her a kiss. She starts up crying again. Even worse and louder than before. The guy walks up to her and asks her, "Whats wrong? I gave you a kiss. What could have you in tears this time?" She says, "I am 35, have no arms and no legs and never been screwed before." So he picks her up and throws her into the ocean and says "Now you're screwed"
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 10:36 am
My Birdie Is Gone!
This man was on the beach one day, not really wearing anything, he has a hat onto of his *little friend*.
A little girl came up and asked what was under the hat, and he told her "Its my birdie".
She asked if she could see the birdie and he said "No, its sleeping".
So the little girl went along.
She came back later to see about petting the birdie.
The man was asleep so she took the hat away.
Later the man woke up in the hospital and was in great pain.
He asked what the He11 was hoing on.
He saw the little girl next to him and asked her.
She told him, that she took the hat away to pet the birdie, she pet the birdie and the bird spit at her, she she yanked it out of its nest and set it on fire.
The doctors told him that they were trying to find a replacement on one of the recently dead bodies.
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:42 am
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 12:20 pm
that won was nice won about the testicle joke
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:30 pm
Scotch
Six year-old Little Johnny walked into a saloon and said to the barmaid, "Give me a Scotch on the rocks."
"You're just a kid," said the barmaid., "Do you want to get me in trouble?"
"Maybe in a couple of years," replied Little Johnny., "But in the meantime, I'd still like that Scotch."
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:31 pm
The Mess-Up
Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice:
"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare."
Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:
"Hark! A pigeon s**t! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, s**t! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:33 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 11:02 am
Why couldn't G-unit get on the bus? Cause they didn't have 50 cents xp
(kk that one sucked but here is a OK one)
There was a girl from Britian who had to move to USA .... So she had to get in a new school and have to make new friends.. Anyways she was in her class doing her work while a boy took her book. She wasn't very happy so she asked him to please give back her book. He did. But not for long he took it again. So she asked him again to give her book back but he said no she she yelled out "Give me my bloody pad" ...... Yep end of joke sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 8:35 pm
Go ahead and keep this up. If there are no more responses up until the time we clean up the guild again.
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Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:35 pm
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