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 Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 5:48 pm
End of first quarter, three-day weekend, and now we have an essay we need to get done before end of class Thursday. gonk xd I'm kind of lost on where to start, but the freedom to type on something feels nice. However, there is a format...
Essay Format:
Introduction
Thesis Statement/ Inferences
Transitional Sentence
Grammar Spelling/Punctuation
Conclusion
Overall Clarity
Facts and Evidence
Usage of "I's" (no more than 3) [I'll use zero. mrgreen ]
List sources: minimum 2, max. 4
....*sigh*. neutral 4laugh
EDIT: I have to write an essay on ALL of the topics. So I already tore up my first draft and started on a new one. scream ....Our teacher is very pro-IB.... scream scream scream
Include in essay: (This is what it says on my format paper too.)
Electoral College
Background: McCain and Obama
What did you learn?
How or what can you contribute to ensure Obama is successful?
...based on what we learned in 1st quarter, it's all supposed to transition smoothly. So, here I go again...
stare
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Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 5:56 pm
So you said 'People in America' and then 'People of America' which is rather repetitive. So I think you should change People of America to People of this country, if you are, in fact, in America. If not, then say "people of that country," but I really don't see why you'd be doing this essay if you WEREN'T in America.
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Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 6:56 pm
[quote="The Retanator"]So you said 'People in America' and then 'People of America' which is rather repetitive. So I think you should change People of America to People of this country, if you are, in fact, in America. If not, then say "people of that country," but I really don't see why you'd be doing this essay if you WEREN'T in America.[/quote] But shouldn't I specify what people they are in the introduction? (Alos as a use of data. i.e: The majority of people in America are definitely rejoicing over Obama becoming the new president. They look up to Obama and hope that he will do something to make the country better than it is now. But what does that mean for the people? What exactly can they do to contribute and ensure that Obama is successful? People think that the president will ensure his own success, but really, people need to motivate themselves and work to assure Obama‘s success.
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Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:41 am
What grade are you in? I'm not saying this for any reason in particular, other than I wanna know how your teacher will be grading the paper.
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Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 4:17 am
buzzkid24 What grade are you in? I'm not saying this for any reason in particular, other than I wanna know how your teacher will be grading the paper. 10th grade. Geography class. confused
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Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 10:03 am
OK, if that will be your actual introduction, make it longer. Because that's way too short. And your thesis, you should include all the points you want to make in the essay. Because it will be easier, and your teacher will be all "well, that's a clear introduction"
Definitely cut out the word definitely, that makes it sound like a freshman is writing it.
Don't call him Obama that first time, because it seems like you're using a nickname, and kinda makes it seem like you've known him for the longest time. Kinda the same as calling him 'Booger'.
And don't say 'becoming the new president' because he's not the new president yet. He was elected the new president, so say elected instead of becoming, and instead of 'the' say 'their', because you're talking about the people of America.
And your three points, they kind of sound repetitive, so you'll probably end up bringing up the same arguments. So maybe you should change one of them up. Or cut one of them out. Actually, the problem with them is that they all fall under the same category, "working to make Obama successful".
I might be very critical, but it's only because my sister was an English major And I got stuck with the whole being really obnoxious about absolutely everything... AND that was the same example she used on me when I wrote an essay about Hitler. xp
OHH, and I'm like around if you want somebody to tear up the rest of your essay when you finish the first draft. <3 sweatdrop
I'm a nice guy, because I wrote all that with a smile on my face and thinking "I'm good at being a helper"
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