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 Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 6:51 am
So, this is just a rough skeleton of a short story I was thinking of writing. It's kind of like what you would read on the back of the book. I'd like some critique on the idea. Like, what's it missing, what would make it better, what should be taken out...etc. So here goes...
She...Is a scholarship student at Kunam high who's trying to support her family, and won't just sit by idly cooking while her brother and father go off to work. She's determined to get a job, but can't hold onto anything she's allowed to be.
He...Is the boy with everything. The perfect girl at Kunam high, good grades, awesome friends, popularity, and the top scores on the 'person girls at Kunam high want to sleep with'.
When Hakuchou finds the broken down old restaurant downtown, she thinks it's a joke. A cafe for only women? And to try to hook up with the workers? Still, it's a well paying job. The place is practically in shambles, but it's very popular with rich, single women. With no better idea in her head, Hakuchou asks the owner for a job. She pleads, and finally he agrees, under one circumstance:No one is to know she is a girl. She happily agrees, dresses as a boy, and goes to work there.
Huzuni has his eye on the new kid at work. He acts suspicious, and always nervous around the other workers, turning down any offers when they ask him to head over to the bath after work. But he notices something else. The new boy seems to be getting to be more to look at, and his girlfriend less attractive every day. With rising panic, Huzuni wonders if maybe he is becoming gay.
When it comes to comedy and romance, the two come together in one smash. And the all famous quote comes...
Now what?
So, that's it. Anyway, don't be afraid to tell me it sucks. But if you do, tell me why, because I like this idea, and I want to improve on it as much as possible. =)
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Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:41 pm
This could actually be incredibly, almost painfully adorable, in my opinion. A girl in boy's clothing and the destruction of people's perception of sexuality - what could be better?
So. 'Now what?' indeed?
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:59 pm
Very good! Bravo! I have encountered few novels about sexuality that is described by conservative Nazi's as, 'radicalism', except for a book that I found while working in a library about an apartment building. But I digress. Bravo! We need to hear more!
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:35 pm
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