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 Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 3:09 pm
Something quick I wrote. Tell me what you think.
I find I have to claw and gasp for air as am twined about thine “finger”
and as I wind deeper through this beating maze,
passion's fire doth caress thine form, and fire's breath upon thine lips doth linger,
and in your eyes I see your soul ablaze
and mine is burning too!
Innocence has fled!
Truthfulness is dead!
And all which remains true
is thine heart to mine, and mine own to you
for lovers always wear a separate face
when met with inquiries and scrutiny,
And thus a lie is but a shelter to create a world apart
where lovers flee from overbearance and disgrace
to protect entwined hearts...
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Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 3:15 pm
I like it, it has a nice feel to it. I think that maybe it could be separated into stanzas instead of being one big thing, maybe. Other than that I liked it.
I am not really sure if overbearance is a word, but I think it works, go with poetic license and use it regardless
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