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 Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 1:53 pm
Okay, so I hope this fits in here. I have a problem...
That is that I'm a closeted bi-sexual girl with a homophobic mother. Seriously, she once told me that if I were a lesbian, she would disown me. I'm completely frightened to tell her because I don't know how she feels about it now. I talked to my counsellor about it a little bit (the first person I ever told) and he said that he'd help me come out, but I haven't seen him since then.
What do you all think I should do? I'm considering just keeping it to myself until I'm a lot older...I dunno, I'm kind of desperate. I want to experience having a girlfriend and all that, y'know?
Okay, I'll stop rambling now. Thanks in advance.
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Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 6:17 pm
I myself am bisexual and I never planned on actually telling my parents for fear of how they would react and simply because, well, i didn't they needed to know. Well, somehow they came across my myspace which said my sexual preference was "bi" and they lectured me all day, my mother cried like i had some kind of incurable disease. It was really horrible because these are two people i thought to be very understanding and were not homophobic from what I knew anyways. Now I think they just deny that I am and they think it was some "phase" I was just going through. My advice, until you have a girl in mind that you know you want to start a relationship with, no need to tell them.
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Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 9:10 am
I'm a lesbian and came out to my close friends and my dad when I was 15, my dad lives 9 hours away and doesn't talk to my mom, what was he going to do about it? I didn't tell my family that I lived with because I didn't think they'd take in well and I didn't think they needed to know, yet. But I felt I needed to get it off my chest, and it helped.
I had girlfriends in high school and since my mom didn't know and just thought they we're friends they even spent the night from time to time. xp But alas, a good thing can only last for so long, my mom came across some notes between me and some friends about my sexuality and our relationship fell apart, we had been really close. I was 16 at the time and spent the next 2 years alternating between running away and being kicked out, even though my mom and I never really talked about what she read, in fact she never mentioned it. Those years were hard, but the also helped build my self worth and brought me a lot closer to myself.
When I was 18 I moved in with my girlfriend (who I am still with). After I moved out my relationship with my mom leveled out a bit, I'm 19. We now talk at least once a week and see each other a few times a month. She has not come to terms with my sexuality yet, and we have still never talked about it, but she knows and we still have a relationship, which I now know will make it through anything.
So as for advice: I would have to say just take things as they come. If you ever find a good time/place to bring it up with your family take it. If you need to come out to them one at a time, do it. If you know of a family member/family friend who will be ok with it, tell them and ask for their help with the rest of your family. Remember coming out to close friends helps a lot, and your mom doesn't have to know for you to have a girlfriend. But mostly, hang in there! No matter what happens with your family, they love you and will come around; it may take a while, but use that time to get to know yourself. Everything will work out in the long run. heart
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 10:15 pm
well, eventually she'll get used to the idea of you being a lesbian and everything will be ok. but it varies from parent to parent on how long that could take. just keep in mind that if she's upset or angry at first, she'll eventually grow to accept it as a part of who you are and who they love.
she probably won't be open to the idea of a supp0ort group right away but you might want to give her some information on PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays) which has meetings and stuff to talk about promoting tolerance and stomping out discrimination. a majority of the members are parents of gay kids and could probably help your mom to adjust to the idea of having a gay daughter.
good luck with coming out! it'll make life a lot easier after a while.
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Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 10:34 am
Two years ago, when i was a senior in high school, I told my friends and family that I considered myself as bi. My dad looked at me funny, my mom said something along the lines of "I wondered if it would run in the family" and my friends laughed it off with a "yeah, we know".
So it went generally very well. It was nerve-racking and I guess that I was lucky to have such a supportive group of friends and family.
The thing about friends, is that they know you so well, they might have already guessed.
As was said before, if you're almost certain of a negative outcome, then be more careful. The suggestions made by the others in this thread seem quite helpful. Good luck.
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Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 5:11 pm
AgentM Two years ago, when i was a senior in high school, I told my friends and family that I considered myself as bi. My dad looked at me funny, my mom said something along the lines of "I wondered if it would run in the family" and my friends laughed it off with a "yeah, we know". So it went generally very well. It was nerve-racking and I guess that I was lucky to have such a supportive group of friends and family. The thing about friends, is that they know you so well, they might have already guessed. As was said before, if you're almost certain of a negative outcome, then be more careful. The suggestions made by the others in this thread seem quite helpful. Good luck.
i can't offer any advice on that specific issue aside from the obvious: pick a good time, explain yourself, and prepare yourself beforehand for your parents' reaction.
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 4:25 am
Rebel Girl AgentM Two years ago, when i was a senior in high school, I told my friends and family that I considered myself as bi. My dad looked at me funny, my mom said something along the lines of "I wondered if it would run in the family" and my friends laughed it off with a "yeah, we know". So it went generally very well. It was nerve-racking and I guess that I was lucky to have such a supportive group of friends and family. The thing about friends, is that they know you so well, they might have already guessed. As was said before, if you're almost certain of a negative outcome, then be more careful. The suggestions made by the others in this thread seem quite helpful. Good luck.
i can't offer any advice on that specific issue aside from the obvious: pick a good time, explain yourself, and prepare yourself beforehand for your parents' reaction.
I think even if your parents did go mental & be mad at you eventually they will realise that you are still your child & even if they don't approve they will move past it otherwise they will never forgive themselves. I think the most important thing is to be true to yourself & as long as some one will support you whether family or friend you will need it!!!
Good luck!!!
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