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 Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 9:02 pm
" The Game Best Played "
I lay here alone,
Right on the bed we've stayed for so long,
Petals wilted on your fallen days,
I can't stay.
No, I can't stay..
It hits me,
Like the beats in my heart,
We're never apart,
No, we're never apart.
I've cried new rivers,
My tears have dried,
I've silenced the waves that crash my mind.
I run through the forests to escape my dreams,
It scratches my feet,
The cuts bleed for me.
I'm alone now,
It's too late,
He took his heart out,
It ran away.
I crumble,
I stumble,
I wait for you,
My name is broken with calls for you.
Pleas from my lips,
They have chapped and dried.
It was only your game,
Which has covered my eyes.
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Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 3:27 pm
beautiful... i really hope to read more...
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Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 7:29 pm
I really do think this is a good poem ^.^ "Silence" should be "Silenced". There are a couple lines I would change slightly to fix the rhythm, and it wouldn't take or add from the content of the poem. Just reading it aloud I was finding quite the pleasing rhythm between your choice of words/rhyme and the lines, until I got to a certain point. Otherwise its really good ^.^ YAY misuyume!
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Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 2:06 pm
Wow, very well written. Its so sad yet so amazing. I've always loved reading your work and this makes me adore your work. Bravo!
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