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 Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:07 pm
In the night
I gaze upon your beauty
My eyes worshipping you
As they stare at you in the moonlight
My love
You look enviously at the stars
What is it you want
To join them in your rightful place
In the night
My body aches for your touch
and my heart longs
For you to love me back
My love
I know this is a cold reality
but for this time being
Can you be in my dream
In the night
My lips says the words
the long to say
But my voice does not play
My love
I know you'll never say these words
You don't know of me
And you never will
In the night
A lonely soul walks
Solitary by his own shame
Why do I do this to myself
My love
You must never know
How my soul begs for you
And how my spirit weeps for you
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 5:32 pm
In the tenth line "you" should be "your".
And "sole" means the bottom of your shoe. You're looking for "soul".
Other than a few typos its pretty good. One other note is that most of the stanzas start small and end big, except for the sixth one. Might create a bit of a flow problem. Like I said though, its a good poem. ^.^
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:53 pm
cherio govner, twas not my cup o' tea but good excepting the spelling errors mentioned above, well... what what and all that, be seeing ya' tamarra'
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Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:30 pm
crying sad... xd I LIKE IT!!!
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:28 am
omg! Its' so beautiful! Wonderful poem Infinite_Knowlege!! It's so sad. This poem describes the exact way I feel right now. T-T
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:28 pm
@Fluffy
Thanks, I'm glad you loved it.
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 10:46 pm
crying It's beautiful! heart I love it! redface Reminds me of when my BF and I first met.
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