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 Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 9:26 am
I absolutly adore this one*
Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, much like ... well you know what ... and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from jail.
Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pretty pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor.
"I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's ... just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.
"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?'
He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn ... Is it midnight already?'"
ThinkCinderella and the pumpkin carridge and what happens at midnight ;D.
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:31 pm
*Found the full Beethoven joke* 8D
A daring vacationer in Vienna is walking through a graveyard on Halloween when all of a sudden she hears music. No one is around, so she starts looking to see where it’s coming from.
She finally locates the source and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads, “Ludwig van Beethoven.”
Then she realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward. Puzzled, she leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with her.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but it is also being played backward.
Curious, the ladies agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing and the expert concludes that the symphonies are in fact being played in reverse order.
By the next day the word spread and a huge group gathered around the grave to hear the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker approaches the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!!"
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:33 pm
rofl
A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull off to the side of the road, maybe we will see what we can do."
The nun plants a whopper of a kiss on the cabbie! But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:37 pm
(Sorry to any men out there, and not all of them are really funny, but I thought a couple of them were and people who actually date or marry might find them more funny than me xd )
Why Pumkins are Better than Men
1. Pumpkins don’t accuse you of loosing the TV remote!
2. Pumpkins respond quite well to negative re-enforcement!
3. Pumpkins make better pie!
4. Every year you get new Pumpkins to choose from!
5. Pumpkins always greet you with a smile!
6. If you don't like the way a Pumpkin looks, just make up another face!
7. If a Pumpkin starts smelling up your place, just throw him out!
8. Pumpkins don’t expect you to cook and still grow 24 hours a day!
9. You can clean up Pumpkins in just minutes!
10. Pumpkins don’t hide their feelings!
11. Pumpkins don’t stare at other pumpkins!
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:39 pm
Another rofl
One dark night two guys were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. When they got to about the middle of the graveyard they were startled and stopped moving.
There was this terrifying noise, “TAP-TAP-TAP” coming from the shadows. Trembling with fear, they spotted an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath. “You SCARED us half to death. We thought you were a GHOST! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!!"
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:42 pm
This one's a xd because I can see this happening to some people...
Ten Signs That You’re Too Old for Trick or Treating
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not
wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't
remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of
restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't
dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Super Hero in the neighborhood with a
walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 12:44 pm
This sort of confused me but it got a kiddy laugh out of me... >.>
Mr. Barns, a city slicker from New York, bought a pumpkin patch. He thought that he could make more money with chickens than the previous owner made with pumpkins.
So, he went to a poultry farm and bought 50 chickens.
“50 is a lot of chickens for that little pumpkin patch,” commented the farmer.
“I am used to BIG business,” Mr. Barns replied.
A week later Mr. Barns returned.
“I need another 50 chickens,” he told the farmer.
The farmer replied, “Boy, you sure are serious about this chicken farming.”
“Oh yes,” Mr. Barns replied. “I just need to iron out a few problems with these new chickens.
“Problems?” asked the farmer.
“Yeah,” said Mr. Barns, “I think I planted the first batch too close together.”
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 1:10 pm
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 1:29 pm
It said nothing in the rules about the joke had to be all in writing 4laugh 
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 1:41 pm
Cats can dress up for halloween too!
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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:01 pm
 OVER!!
CONGRATS NEKO!!
Pm your custom info to Mewrose!
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