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 Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 10:40 am
um...yeah so here it goes
im in a dream
so real it makes me scream
lots in a universe
trying to sing along without the verse
i wonder how
what do i do now
in the morning i wake
tonight another dream i take
thats my poem i guess
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:40 am
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 12:33 pm
try to avoid useing the same word twice closely together "what do i do now?" try something like "what will happen now" the general part of the poem was good but you have to try a little harder...
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:00 am
Is the third line supposed to read:
"lost in a universe"?
Just wondering. Otherwise its a decent poem. But jaffar is right, have a little confidence in your work ^.^ Theres no good or bad poetry, only poets with good or bad dispositions. I look forward to more of your poems! biggrin
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