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 Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:49 pm
I am only 18 but I turn 19 in less than 6 months, I also recognize that age has nothing to do with maturity level but I am very mature thanks to my background of having to raise my little sister practically single-handed. But recently I have been wanting to have a baby... Tha girl I am in a relationship with also wants to have a baby and shes about to turn 18. I seen her today with a baby and were both really great with kids. I am currently making pretty good at my job and before long will be moving up to being a Server at a VERY active resturant and $90 a night isnt uncommon/ my question is though, is this my body just being childish or should I go with what its telling me and go for it, because I know we will make it and be fine, Im just... I dont know wanting some support or something, if anyone else feels the same could you post and let me know of your situation?
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Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:59 am
She's 17, and you're 18? It's very rare for people that age to be ready for a baby. You have a job, that's good. But there is a lot more than just having a job that you need to think about.
-Are you both finished with college? If either of you are still in school, wait until after school. College can sometimes be demanding, and there could be a lot of money wasted if she ended up delivering mid-semester and being unable to finish the classes. If you two don't plan on going to college, I would recommend changing your plans. You never know what the future holds, and you never know when a degree can make the difference between getting the job and not getting it. Even an Associate's from a community college can make a big difference. It's also inexpensive, and financial aid can help. And unless you own that restaurant that you're going to be working at, that's not a career, and it's probably not something that can easily support you, a mom, and a baby.
-Does she have health insurance? If not, having a baby can get pretty expensive. She'll need to see an ob-gyn often throughout the pregnancy, and the delivery alone can be pricey. If she's still on Mom or Dad's health insurance, that's not something you guys can count on because it's not going to last. Insurance companies usually kick kids off their parent's insurance when they turn 18 or when they turn 21 if they go to college. A place like Planned Parenthood might be able to help with the ob-gyn visits and maybe even the delivery, but don't forget that the baby would need to be added to one of the parent's health insurance after that so he or she can be covered while they're growing up. So it would be best if at least one of you had decent health insurance that you could add the baby to.
-Do you guys have a place of your own to live? If either of you are still living with Mom and Dad, don't even think about it. Mom and Dad already raised their kids. It's not fair to ask them to have another child under their roof, raising their electric bill, and waking them up in the middle of the night. If you can't afford your own place, you probably can't afford a baby.
-Has she researched vitamins, seen an ob-gyn, and talked to the ob-gyn about having a baby? If not, then don't start trying for a baby yet!
It's ok to want a baby, but just make sure you are both being realistic and mature about it. If you have nothing to offer a baby yet, then wait until you have more.
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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 10:44 am
Thanks for the reply, I needed some sort of direction with it, I have always depended on your help and you came through for me again!!
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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 5:48 pm
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 4:26 pm
For what it's worth, I'm 22 now and have wanted to be a mother since I was 19. I've done my best to be patient, because while I could've been cheap and gotten myself pregnant before now, what's holding me back is the lack of financial stability. With no offense meant to anyone who relies on income assistance, I don't want to raise my baby on welfare with only one other income (my boyfriend's). My child deserves better than that. I was raised in an upper middle class family, and that's the lifestyle I want to give to my child(ren). If you ignore the fact that this thread is a rant, there's a bunch of points in there raised regarding teen sex and teen pregnancy: http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=406207In addition, if you look through some of the stickies in the Sex Subforum and in this subforum, I'm pretty sure there's some other threads regarding teen parenthood. The consensus usually is for the couple to wait. There shouldn't be any reason you HAVE to have a baby until you're a bit older. Lorien brought up some awesome points. There's others in this subforum and in some other threads and stickies around the guild. The Ultimate Pregnancy Sticky Becoming a Mommy If you decide that you want to keep the baby, then you'll have to be prepared to be a parent. Being a parent is a full-time job and it doesn't matter if you're an adult or a teenager - it's hard work. But that doesn't mean you can't do it. Many pregnant teenage girls have decided to take on the role of mother and are wonderful, loving parents. However, it's important to remain realistic in your vision of becoming a parent. Being a parent can be a very rewarding and special experience. But, regardless of whether you're a teen or an adult, it can also take a lot of time (with no vacation for about�oh, 20 years or so), a lot of money, a lot of help, and a lot of patience to be a parent. To help decide if this is the right choice for you, here are some questions you should ask yourself: - How will I support myself and my child? - How much support can I expect from my family and friends? - Am I willing to put off school to raise a child? - Are there alternative schools that are especially for teen mothers that I could attend? - Is this really the right time for me to be a parent?
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:08 am
I was going through the same thing, both me and my boyfriend wanted a baby badly. But we stopped and thought about it. Yes, we both have jobs but no where to live and I am still in college.
Just think about where you both are in your lives. You will be ready for a baby soon, but not right now.
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