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 Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 5:30 pm
After years of being with the same guy, he finally broke up with me. Yeah...I was sad for a while and that is fine. I'm kind of over it now...for many reasons. But for now, I am moving on but I am unsure as to what direction I want to move to.
Here's the problem: It is hard to find a good guy around here in podunk southern virginia my age (around 25) who likes big women (+300lbs). Ok...nothing I hadn't already known. But it was suggested to me that I look online in forums like this who are full of guys who like big chicks. But I thought to myself, my last bf liked me for me...not because I was a big girl. Yeah...he was attracted to me physically and I think he might have been a closeted FA. But at the same time, do I want a guy who wants me because I am big...or do I want a guy who wants me for me...not minding that I happen to be a big girl? I know men are visual creatures and attracting them physically first is probably what is going to happen. I'm cool with that, but do I want to start out with him liking me for my body and then he may eventually like my personality? Do I want him to like me because I am big...or inspite of it...or some weird combination of both? I don't know. What do you guys think?
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Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:35 am
I would personally have extreme trouble dating an FA because of the fact I would suspect it was my body they went after first, followed by my personality.
I think if you want to try it, if you're open to it, maybe you should. Just be sure you're dating a guy because your personalities are compatible and that there's real chemistry there. You should never date anyone just for their looks, or just to have somebody.
I'm not more helpful right now, I'm dealing with some stuff, sorry.
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Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 5:03 pm
Hmm intriguing question. I think i would pick non of the above. I mean in spite of sounds a bit like i would be better skinny though i know that is not what you mean. So i guess personality would be my answer.
I guess the question could be expanded, i mean there are guys who only date girls because they are attracted to there race, there breast, there hair and there feet. But i defer. Back to the topic.
My opinion is go with the guys into big girls. Physical attraction is just the initial attraction the next level is mental. I personally am a girl that is very visual but if a guy doesnt have the personality to go with the body the attraction fades.
Ultimately you want a guy that likes your personality and your body and it sounds like your last bf was into both. i am certain you can find a guy into both. A guy into big girls is no different then a guy into skinny girls, its just there preference though there are some ninja very obsessed ones you can find that in any preference.
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Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 6:16 pm
I'm going to go with both, because I'd want someone who both appreciates my body and realizes that it doesn't define me.
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Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 8:26 pm
The thing most girls don't get about guys is that if they're into the girl for her personality, they're going to think she's beautiful. No matter how much she weighs.
I've talked to so many girls, and I've experienced this with my boyfriend, who on asking their guys "would you love me if I weighed ___" or "would you love me if I was fat? Would you still want to touch me?" have been told, "yes, I love you for you, despite what you look like."
Following that, the response from guys vary. I asked my boyfriend if he'd still have sex with me if I was 500+ lbs, he told me "if I could still find your v****a" I'm sorry if that's offensive to anybody, but I found it an amusing response... and he meant it, no matter what I look like he's still going to want to touch me and express his love physically 'cause he's into me for me, not for how I look. My co-workers husband told her "I would still love you, but I'd be honest with you and tell you if you looked like crap. But I want you to be healthy and take care of yourself, it has nothing to do with just wanting you to be sexy"
Relationships based off physical attraction first don't last long, and have a tendency to be shallow, with a few exceptions I'm sure. I'm not saying attraction isn't important, but our society has skewed our views to where we think physical beauty is what makes the relationship, when a healthy relationship is based off the love of the person. In 20 years I'm not going to look as good as I do now, but I will still have the same basic personality. Personality goes much further than looks.
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Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 11:17 am
I think there should be a perfect combination of both. Maybe don't try a website specifically for FAs, but for just everyone, and then add in that you're bigger and would like someone who is also accepting of that? It's a hard decision indeed. But I wish you luck on your search heart
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Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:10 pm
I think the best idea is to find a guy who is totally repulsed by your appearance. Get somebody with no physical interest in you whatsoever. That way, you don't have to worry, "is it my looks, or my personality?" You can just say "Yeah, it's my personality, because he has to take nausea medication every time we make love".
That's what true love is all about. Somebody who has no motivation to engage in sexual acts with you other than the fact that it will make you happy and for whom the relationship is a purely intellectual excercise and physical intimacy is a chore/labor of love.
Better yet, try wearing lots of monster movie make up all the time and deliberately infecting yourself with some disfiguring disease. That way you will know that people like you for you, not for your physical appearance. Just keep away from any Disfigurign Disease and Hammer Horror Girl fetishists.
...not that I'm, you know, in any way insincere, sarcastic, snide, bitter, or resentful. >_>
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Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:54 am
Er....~_~ Thanks for the comment.
I know you guys, in particular, try to be supportive and everything....but being in a relationship with someone, and not knowing what their motivation is for staying with you for years...only to find out that it is partially out of fear of being alone, is not cool. I don't think I am wanking too much by asking people in an FA board what they think on relationships based on differing motivations. I know you were just joking but that wasn't so cool, Fuzzy.
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Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:53 pm
Alright. =( I was wilfully stupid and read things into your post that you didn't put there.
I'm sorry for lashing out at you just because I get annoyed by certain phraseology and some time ago after what I thought was a good 1st date a girl who claimed to be a confident fat girl and loved being fat said she couldn't go out with me because I was a "fat fetishist" and that I drew attention to her fatness and I was creepy.
I'm sorry for refusing to actually read your post.
I'm sorry for typing out a snarky, heated reply before taking the time to think and collect myself.
In short, I'm sorry for being a dickweed. u_u
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:14 pm
If a guy just likes you for your body, he could easily end up never knowing your personality well.
I'd say go for someone who likes you for you.
Maybe try online dating for a while, and not show a picture?
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:09 pm
Sex! at the Disco I'm going to go with both, because I'd want someone who both appreciates my body and realizes that it doesn't define me. Couldn't have said it any better.
3nodding
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Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:52 pm
Fuzzy, i think you have very little to be sorry about. I agree with your sacarsim on this. I understand not wanting someone to date you on pure physical appearance but it is plan silly to want someone to like you and not be attracted to you. I can't see myself dating someone im not attracted too.
Speaking as an African American that sees nothing wrong with interracial loving heart . I have often had to wonder if a guy was interested in me because I was black and if that was it or if it was more like icing on the cake, non of that in-spite of s**t. I am not going to waste my time on a guy that doesn't find African American females attractive. And yes i have gotten the "I've always wanted to date/have sex with a Black Chick" line and i hate it. And i wont even get started on the guys that are all like Asian girls are just better because there fill in the blank.
Maybe Jinnari could have posed her question better. I mean even in her post she says that its hard to find a guys that like big girls, as if you were actually looking for that but then go into not sure if you want that.
So I guess overall i think my point is it would seem that perhaps you are more afraid of being seen as item and not a person, correct me if i'm wrong.
I have question, are you willing to date a guy inspite of him being a FA, if the rest of his personality was great?
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Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 5:56 pm
Has anybody actually said they don't want the person to find them attractive AT ALL?
I mean, I think I'm the biggest downer on the issue, saying I wouldn't want to date an FA as my personal preference because it makes me uncomfortable because I would feel they were mostly dating me because of my weight, not for my personality. And even I said that I could be wrong, and that if they liked me for my personality first, then my looks, I'd be more comfortable with it.
I have dated a guy who I asked after a few months if he was an FA. He had no idea what that was, then I asked if he liked bigger girls, although most of the girls I've seen him date were chubby. He said he prefers "thick girls". That preference doesn't bother me, he could still find a skinny girl attractive, or a fat girl attractive... although I think I was on the bigger end of the spectrum for him. He also rubbed on my stomach all the time, which creeped me out a lot, so me and an FA would not mesh well because I dislike my fat being touched, I don't find it attractive, and I want to lose weight/have been losing weight. Admittedly, he would say how soft my skin was, which it was especially so on my stomach and arms apparently, but it made me even more uncomfortable that he was petting my skin than that he was rubbing the fat on my stomach and arms, haha.
When I think of FAs, I think of the guys who won't date anybody but a fat girl and who go for looks... just like were I skinny I wouldn't date a guy who insulted fat girls or seemed solely into fat girls. If a guy calls himself an FA, but would still date a skinny girl for her personality, because he loves/cares about her, I can respect that. But for me, an FA would just have to prove they like me for me, not because of my size.
I want to feel pretty, don't get me wrong. My boyfriend prefers skinnier girls. I pouted about it at him the other night, where he told me his preference has gotten bigger, although it's really more just to chubby girls which I am still bigger than. But my boyfriend has told me he likes me the way I am, and that my size doesn't matter to him. He loves me for who I am. He does find me attractive, but he dated me for my personality first (which we met online, that isn't a big surprise). I never said I don't want the person to find me attractive, 'cause my boyfriend still does--but it's not because of some fetish, he likes me and the way I look in general, if I lost weight he still would.
I can get why Fuzzy might have reacted the way he did, because I think I've gleaned a bit of understanding about his personality, and I know some of the people he knows, even if not that well. I don't think he was trying to be mean, and while I can see why he reacted that way--and I'll admit, were I him and somebody said what I did about being uncomfortable dating an FA I might be a bit hurt, it was not directed as a personal insult to him. Luckily for him, there are people who want to date FAs, he can forget about the ones who don't. Just like luckily for me, there are guys who are into a girl for personality first, then looks.
And honestly, I know I'm attractive, I am slightly egotistical even though I still have self-esteem issues. I want the guy dating me to think I'm attractive, but if I had to choose one, I'd choose personality any day.
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Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:59 pm
*blinks* sorry...ok. Looks like there is a misunderstanding here. This situation is no different to me than if I was a girl with big breasts (which I am but that is besides the point.). Do I want a guy who, in the beginning of a relationship, wanted me ONLY for the fact that I had big breasts? No. He would know little to nothing about my personality...but it would be the breasts that facinated him. It's just part of who I am...but is it a part that would be a good idea if someone was facinated over enough to start talking to me for? If it were something like my smile...or my clothes...or my hair...I wouldn't have so much of a problem. But this is something I am sensitive over. I may not like the fact or be comfortable with the fact that I have huge knockers...but he is.
Replace all breast references with fat ones. I simply am wondering is it a good idea to exclusively look in a place where there are only men who like fat women. Some of them may also like skinny women and be turned on by all myriads of shapes, sizes, and shades...but they prefer big women. What I feel I want is someone who is interested in all types of women and is attracted to them for a strength they have...preferably not something physical. I never said I wouldn't date an FA. I am talking to several right now...flirting and such. But I am simply not sure if I should look in exclusively FA communities for a date.
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